tangerinetrees Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hi all, My husband and I separated six months ago. We have a 5 year old son together and have been married for 6 years. There were a lot of reasons for the split. He has some psychological issues that he refused to get help for. Like actual diagnoses and prescribed medication that he refused to take. That was number one for me. Also, he couldn't keep a job due to the psych stuff. Anyway, it was a pretty mutual split because he wasn't happy with me either. I pretty much checked out for the last year of our relationship because we were just miserable whenever we spent any time together. So I just stayed out of the house as much as possible. A lot has changed in the last 6 months. I moved with our son about an hour and a half away to pursue my education and he has since gotten a pretty good job and seems to me so much more stable. We have been friendly to each other lately and had sex the other day. Now we've been texting and talking on the phone everyday and I'm feeling so much for him again. I haven't ever stopped loving him, but he openly admits that he has changed some, but still has a lot of issues that he wants to take care of. Should I just ignore these feelings and wait and see how things are in another 6 months, or should we continue spending time together? I don't want to include our son in any of this, because I don't want him to get his hopes up when I have no clue how this could turn out. Is it weird to just 'date' each other again and see what happens? Has anyone found it possible to forgive and let go after such a nasty breakup and then continue with a successful relationship? Advice, please!!
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 He has to address his issues and you have to address your issue fully before it even has a chance of working out. You have to see the situation for what it is...not saving the marriage, but you and him making some major changes in your life. Your son seeing you both back inthe same boat with the leaky hole is not healthy...patch of the hole first before you get back in the water.
Author tangerinetrees Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Has anyone else out there been able to forgive and let go of all the negativity that ended a relationship and begin again together? That's the larger issue for me here. Neither of us cheated or anything like that, but we both said terrible things, then after we were broken up, we both saw other people and definitely threw that in each other's faces. He started dating a girl 2 weeks after we separated! So, I guess again...has anyone been able to let go of all that and try again from scratch? If so, how did you go about it? Did you have a conversation to clear the air or did you just decide that the past is the past and that's where it will stay and move on. It just seems so much easier said than done and I'm feeling so lost. I don't want to open myself up to all that horrible pain again, but I'm afraid that if I don't, I will always wonder if we could have worked it out. UGH!! How does ANYONE go thru this and stay sane?!?!?!
marqueemoon4 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 it would take a ton of work and both parties being 100% committed to patch things up to make the relationship healthy. Most people think its just easier to get divorced and start over, even if there are kids. Thats because most people are selfish.
Author tangerinetrees Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Yes! I agree...most people are very selfish. He told me the other day that he has changed a lot, but he still knows that he's very selfish. He still does and has always put himself first...even before our child. I always blamed it on his mental illness, but now I'm not so sure. He sort of admits that selfishness is just one of his flaws, but he's working on that. I believe that a marriage (as long as there is no abuse) is worth everything...especially when there is a child in the picture. I've always believed that and the only reason I agreed to the split was because we were both so damn miserable and it was getting dysfunctional for our child. Right now, I'm just grateful to have things between us friendly as that certainly does make it so much easier to parent together. But I can't stop thinking about him and we have been talking everyday. Do you think slow and steady is the best course of action here. I suppose I don't really have another choice as I'm living an hour and a half away from him with our son and going to school. I've still got another 2 years of school to go, so unless he moves here, it'll take that long! I feel kind of crazy for even going back here. He has put me thru so much and I feel like I KNOW he's not good for me in the back of my mind. I know this is long....there is just so much going on in my head right now and I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about this as all of my friends and family HATE him after the way he's treated me for so long....they would probably disown me if they knew I was thinking this way. Yet another hurdle..........this is so stupid.
brokenamy Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Even though our issues were different, after almost a year, we were able to move on/in from the negativity surrounding our bad year. when we got back together, we buried it with all the mistakes and pain it came with and I think if u both want to, u can make it. This is our first year back and its quite awesome.
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