MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 ...If i texted him to let him know that I have really used these past months to work on myself. That i acknowledge all the bad habits and bad things I did... So if i were to text and say "I know we both had a lot to work on and I want you to know I have been diligently working on my growth areas. I am now embarassed of how controlling, insecure, demanding, and possessive I was in our relationship." I want to text that so he knows I am admitting my faults and being specific about what faults I had... But I dont want the message to just validate why he left me...as in yup thats why i left you cause you were controlling, demanding, etc
Gisele Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!! It'll do nothing to make you feel better. NOTHING. You're just handing more control over to him!!!
JasonRules Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 What you're proposing of doing is a bad idea. The only thing you will accomplish is to make you look foolish. Have some self-esteem. You don't need to text him and seek validation. He is not your husband or boyfriend for that matter. He checked out a long time ago. Since you're a better person though, as you say, go out and find someone who will appreciate this. You ex is too blind to see it.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 ...If i texted him to let him know that I have really used these past months to work on myself. That i acknowledge all the bad habits and bad things I did... So if i were to text and say "I know we both had a lot to work on and I want you to know I have been diligently working on my growth areas. I am now embarassed of how controlling, insecure, demanding, and possessive I was in our relationship." I want to text that so he knows I am admitting my faults and being specific about what faults I had... But I dont want the message to just validate why he left me...as in yup thats why i left you cause you were controlling, demanding, etc So how have you been working on yourself? What have you done? Aside from just admitting that you are controlling, insecure, demanding and possesive? These traits don't disappear in a span of months. You have deep seated issues that cause you to be this way. So, what have you been doing?
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!! It'll do nothing to make you feel better. NOTHING. You're just handing more control over to him!!! K so eventhough this is why he left me and he doesn't think i will change...so thats why i wante dto literally point out what i have been working on...so don't? cause i can see how that hands him all the power
homebrew Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) If you actually stop contacting him... He will think you are working on yourself. Which is going to come as surprise to him! (THIS IS A GOOD THING!) You will benefit greatly by reading the following thread... I would start at the beginning... but be sure to check out page 4. This Thread Will Help You! Edited May 10, 2011 by homebrew
Gisele Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Ive been tempted to write similar things in the past: you shouldn't under any circumstances, it says many things: 1) im sitting around still fixating on you 2) im still demanding your attention 3) im freaking out a bit about it all (you told him you wanted NC!) Which is all understandable during a break-up, but NOT something you want to show to him! It's about pride and dignity and respect for yourself. Guys find this unattractive in a woman theyre still WITH. JasonRules is right: if he's too blind to see your value, sending this won't make him see What you're going through is an absolute nightmare. Please keep venting here tonight. But by stopping yourself from doing these things, you'll save yourself so much pain and embarrassment.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 K so eventhough this is why he left me and he doesn't think i will change...so thats why i wante dto literally point out what i have been working on...so don't? cause i can see how that hands him all the power Your issues are going to resurface now, tomorrow and in the future. Even if he comes back, it'll be lather, rinse, repeat. Stop contacting him. Work on yourself, and really work on yourself.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 What you're proposing of doing is a bad idea. The only thing you will accomplish is to make you look foolish. Have some self-esteem. You don't need to text him and seek validation. He is not your husband or boyfriend for that matter. He checked out a long time ago. Since you're a better person though, as you say, go out and find someone who will appreciate this. You ex is too blind to see it. what makes me sad is that he said "I know that the next guy you're will will be the luckiest guy on earth cause you've been working on yourself and changing and you wont ever do this stuff again" he said that during our break up....and It hurt cause that didnt make sens eto me...why if he believes it would he not want to be that guy???
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 So how have you been working on yourself? What have you done? Aside from just admitting that you are controlling, insecure, demanding and possesive? These traits don't disappear in a span of months. You have deep seated issues that cause you to be this way. So, what have you been doing? I have actually admitted my faults which i have not done before...i realize why i did these things and honestly it was because my previous ex made me feel so low that i took it out on this guy (we got together way before i was healed) I would do things like get made if he came home from volleyball 5 min later than usual because i wanted to see him...but he saw it as him getting in trouble i'm so embarrassed to even share this with everyone. I went nuts on this poor guy. he had his faults too though...he made me insecure as well by not being as honest as he should have been and it was a viscious cycle.. him thinking i'm too controlling so he assumed he couldn't do anything on his own...and me not knowing he was miserable.... but i regret being so needy and clingy cause now he wants nothing to do with me
homebrew Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 He is telling you that you are not "healthy" and because of that... He can't / won't be with you. Like everyone else said... no guy worth a crap is going to want to be with you either. So why not SOLVE THE PROBLEM?
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 If you actually stop contacting him... He will think you are working on yourself. Which is going to come as surprise to him! (THIS IS A GOOD THING!) You will benefit greatly by reading the following thread... I would start at the beginning... but be sure to check out page 4. This Thread Will Help You! Thanks homebrew and I do appreciate your direct approach in telling me like it is...like when I broke NC on sunday
getsback Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 ...If i texted him to let him know that I have really used these past months to work on myself. That i acknowledge all the bad habits and bad things I did... So if i were to text and say "I know we both had a lot to work on and I want you to know I have been diligently working on my growth areas. I am now embarassed of how controlling, insecure, demanding, and possessive I was in our relationship." I want to text that so he knows I am admitting my faults and being specific about what faults I had... But I dont want the message to just validate why he left me...as in yup thats why i left you cause you were controlling, demanding, etc Ill put it in the simplest terms possible...... If you contact him another 1 or 2 times, he is literally never going to speak to you again and you will lose him forever. Take this from someone who has made that same mistake. But...... If you can hold out for a month, it gives you half a chance. I know a month sounds like a lifetime away but if you really love him, its worth the wait. Iv been following your threads because I really feel for you and I have been in the same position. But seriously, you are killing your chances more with every single text you send. Give him space and give him a chance to miss you. If you stop showing him attention he will begin to miss it and come looking for you wondering where you have gone. It sounds silly, but the less you text him, the more he will wonder about you.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Ill put it in the simplest terms possible...... If you contact him another 1 or 2 times, he is literally never going to speak to you again and you will lose him forever. Take this from someone who has made that same mistake. But...... If you can hold out for a month, it gives you half a chance. I know a month sounds like a lifetime away but if you really love him, its worth the wait. Iv been following your threads because I really feel for you and I have been in the same position. But seriously, you are killing your chances more with every single text you send. Give him space and give him a chance to miss you. If you stop showing him attention he will begin to miss it and come looking for you wondering where you have gone. It sounds silly, but the less you text him, the more he will wonder about you. I will follow that advice. I thought that not texting him for 16 days was enough but it was nothing. so now that i texted him and he basically said he doesnt know how to respond when to respond or if he wants to respond-remember his reply? so i said i understand and he said thank you so i just leave it at that right? i mean granted that left it in his hands and now he can either reply or not....but my job now is to leave it alone ?
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yes, you leave him alone and you leave it alone. You are no good to him or yourself right now. Step back. Get some clarity. Balance your emotional health. The more you bombard him, the more he will distance himself. You have to get a hold of yourself.
muzik_lvr Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 You will benefit greatly by reading the following thread... I would start at the beginning... but be sure to check out page 4. This Thread Will Help You! @My - Did you read this thread, and particularly page 4? There were a lot of very helpful things shared there.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 @My - Did you read this thread, and particularly page 4? There were a lot of very helpful things shared there. yes i learned that actions speak louder than words so i should go NC and stick to it and work on myself and that my ex has GIGS and that i need to leave him alone he lives 1/2 mile away from me...when i drive anywhere i am scared to see him (cause he may be with a girl) i'm scared that i will see him with someone around here... i can move mid july-do i? i love my apt, it was our apt, its a good price, good location, and huge.... but if i move i could start over and be away from him suggestions?
Sassygirl2 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 If I were in your situation I would probably move but that is me. I don't know all of your circumstances as to your job and school but maybe just to a place not so close to him? You seem to be really having a hard time with everything and I understand. To be living in the same place as you did with him is so very hard. You can't get away from everything reminding you about him. Maybe you could use a fresh start. The other idea I have if you don't move is to re-do your apartment. Move things around - paint a wall a different color, change the comforter set on your bed, etc. If you can afford to do that - it may help. Hang in there - it sucks but you will be OK.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 If I were in your situation I would probably move but that is me. I don't know all of your circumstances as to your job and school but maybe just to a place not so close to him? You seem to be really having a hard time with everything and I understand. To be living in the same place as you did with him is so very hard. You can't get away from everything reminding you about him. Maybe you could use a fresh start. The other idea I have if you don't move is to re-do your apartment. Move things around - paint a wall a different color, change the comforter set on your bed, etc. If you can afford to do that - it may help. Hang in there - it sucks but you will be OK. yeah it is a tough decision and i have a lease here til july 31st so i would have to stay til at least mid july.....i do need to re-do thsi place...i really do
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