Rooke Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 So Sunday was the big one month since D day and as you all know, I struggled with the loss and jumped and overlapped various stages of the grieving process. I left the forum because I didn't think I could get over him if I was writing about him on a daily basis so I wanted to let you know how I was getting on. I've been through some dark times, feeling isolated and lonely and I broke no contact on two occasions. I wasn't NC by choice, however it resulted in him closing his email address down and my final thread of contact to him, this threw me into a panic and compelled me to go to his work in an attempt to..well actually I can't honestly tell you in hindsight what I was expecting to achieve. And he literally, physically, RAN away from me. That was it. That was the moment, like a cold bucket of water over my head that made everything so very clear. So now I'm still having shaky moments and I'm scared of the process but after realising I wasn't going to get the answers from him, I'm providing my own answers. Realising that he never loved me or saw me as my own person, I was merely an extension of him, providing sexual or emotional gratification when he wanted. Facing up to self esteem issues that allowed this to happen and working on a healthy relationship with myself. I'm becoming stronger by the day. So in answer to my original question, will he be in touch? Yes, no doubt he will, I don't know when, but I know he needs to feel validated by me and will need to be forgiven at some point. Will I care when he does? No. His issues are not my issues and he will never change. As a warning to anyone who is involved with a married man, please make a quick exit. If another man ever tells me he has a wife or girlfriend, he won't see me for dust. You all deserve better, to be someones one and only, to be loved unconditionally and adored, not someones second choice or dirty little secret. Never be with a man on any terms, his terms, be with man on your terms and if you never meet that man, be alone and be happy. That's not a terrible situation to be in. No drama, no pain, no heartache or humiliation. Only peace and calm.
FightClub Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 And now you know, now you can start to let go slowly and surely...get yourself back to who you ARE not who you were. You'll find the peace you seek in time. All the best Rooke! =) -FC
ShatteredReality Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Glad to hear you'd on the path to recovery. It's a long painful journey...sounds like you have a good healthy view, though, and you've learned from your mistakes. That's the most important things - not that you made a mistake because we all do. But instead that you learned and now you can move forward!
BB07 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hey Rooke..........hang in there girlie, you will get through this. Sending you a hug.............
fooled once Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Oh Rooke I am sorry for what happened; but on the bright side, it was the kick in the pants you needed to begin to move forward with your life.
StarChick Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 As weird as it sounds, I'm glad he ran away from you. It kick-started your healing and becoming a better person for it. If he gets in touch, then you can be the one to run away from HIM.
Flabbergaster Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Rooke, I've worried about you. When you first posted here you were...having such a difficult time dealing with your situation. I'm glad for this update. On a difficult day, it calms me to know that you are making progress. LOL and yes i still think your taste in stolen avatars rocks. I took time away from LS a while myself, and probably will again, for similar reasons. You've got a long way to go, as I'm sure you know. You've done the hardest part of the journey, I think. Congratulations, you've earned your 30 day token. It's a somewhat bitter victory...but a very important one. Promise it gets easier from here. There will still be some dark days...but you know you can make it through, that you don't want to go back. Big long hug, you've come so far. Seriously...your update really brought a smile to my face at a time when I needed it. I'm really happy that you've made such progress.
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 As weird as it sounds, I'm glad he ran away from you. It kick-started your healing and becoming a better person for it. If he gets in touch, then you can be the one to run away from HIM. EXACTLY. And if he ever does, I won't even acknowledge him and that will be the happiest day of my life. I will rue that day!
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Rooke, I've worried about you. When you first posted here you were...having such a difficult time dealing with your situation. I'm glad for this update. On a difficult day, it calms me to know that you are making progress. LOL and yes i still think your taste in stolen avatars rocks. I took time away from LS a while myself, and probably will again, for similar reasons. You've got a long way to go, as I'm sure you know. You've done the hardest part of the journey, I think. Congratulations, you've earned your 30 day token. It's a somewhat bitter victory...but a very important one. Promise it gets easier from here. There will still be some dark days...but you know you can make it through, that you don't want to go back. Big long hug, you've come so far. Seriously...your update really brought a smile to my face at a time when I needed it. I'm really happy that you've made such progress. Thankyou. Your post brought a smile to my face on a day when I really needed it I still do have dark days but I'm no longer going to push those feelings aside, I'm going to feel them and work through them. I deserve so much better than what I had with him. I have considered changing my stolen avatar but since you like it so much, I think I will keep it
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Halle-phukkin'-Lujah and pass the champagne! This girl's got some serious celebrating to do!! She has HER LIFE BACK!!! Woo-hoo!! (I'm sorry, we need a better emoticon... a jumping bunny doesn't cover it....!)
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Thankyou for your support guys. I've made a huge achievement but there's still a long way to go. I'm going to see a Counsellor tonight and after reading some self help books I'm starting to get the answers I needed and I'm realising that I'm not responsible for his issues. I used to envy the BS and I used to wish I was her, but now I feel sorry for her because I know he will cheat again, and I never want to end up in that situation. If she's married to a man like that then god help her. I guess it just goes to show you can never really know someone completely, no matter how in love with them you are, and love excuses a lot of behaviour that is simply just unacceptable. Next time I won't fall in love so easily.
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Sour grapes. If he had left the M for you, you wouldn't feel sorry for her, nor think he would cheat on you as he did her. You two are no different. You both got shat on by the same azzhat. Difference is, you knew he was M, so you have some responsibility in your own sad outcome. It is not all her fault or his that you are hurting. Before a counsellor can help you heal, you should accept your role in causing your pain. Don't tell me what I think or feel. Only I know what I THINK and what I FEEL. I would indeed have felt sorry for her, and I also would have thought that he would cheat on me, I took that as a given, however I knew all along he was never going to leave so this is a moot point anyway. I've never denied the fact that I have responsibility in the outcome, so don't jump into someone's story half way through and think you know what you are talking about. I accepted my role in this right from the start. I also originally did not know he was married and that knowledge came at a later date. So if you want to have an opinion then make an attempt to discover all the facts.
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 That means you're still waiting for him to contact you, even if it's so you can diss him. The happiest day of your life should have nothing to do with this or any other MM. Demonstrably I am not waiting for him to contact me, I stated in my original post on my thread that I will not care if he does because I am past caring and I know he will, the reason I brought it up was to bring my story full circle because my original thread on this forum was "Will he be in touch?"
daisy love Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 OMIGOSH!! I'm so sorry this happened. How terrible!! You deserve so much better. You are better off without him. (((BIG HUGS)))
myname Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Don't tell me what I think or feel. Only I know what I THINK and what I FEEL. I would indeed have felt sorry for her, and I also would have thought that he would cheat on me, I took that as a given, however I knew all along he was never going to leave so this is a moot point anyway. I've never denied the fact that I have responsibility in the outcome, so don't jump into someone's story half way through and think you know what you are talking about. I accepted my role in this right from the start. I also originally did not know he was married and that knowledge came at a later date. So if you want to have an opinion then make an attempt to discover all the facts. Some posters on this site don't appear to listen to what is being said, or to be able to offer support without telling us it's our own fault, we caused our own pain etc We believed in someone we were in love with, and we were betrayed, lied to and hurt by them in the end. Whatever the circumstances we have come here for support and it would be nice if people could give that without their judgemental agenda coming through. I am sorry that you are suffering, and have been treated badly, and hope you will in time feel better and be able to trust someone deserving of your love.
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Sour grapes. If he had left the M for you, you wouldn't feel sorry for her, nor think he would cheat on you as he did her. You two are no different. You both got shat on by the same azzhat. Difference is, you knew he was M, so you have some responsibility in your own sad outcome. It is not all her fault or his that you are hurting. Before a counsellor can help you heal, you should accept your role in causing your pain. Yeah but the difference is that she is free of him & his wife still has to live with the guy. I do think her freedom is worth celebrating & I can understand her realization that she is the lucky one, not his wife like she used to think when she was so tied up in him. Progress takes time & she is getting there so I feel we should support her & not throw stones or chide her for not being so far along that she still thinks about him. [That takes a really really long time & it would be unrealistic at this point]. Good job Rooke, I'm proud of you.
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 When he was running from you, I hope he tripped and smashed his weenie on a rock. Just sayin ha ha this is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 When he was running from you, I hope he tripped and smashed his weenie on a rock. Just sayin Ha ha ha this made me laugh too but unfortunately it did not happen, however he did look like an absolute ridiculous coward and that was funny, not as funny, but funny.
Author Rooke Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Yeah but the difference is that she is free of him & his wife still has to live with the guy. I do think her freedom is worth celebrating & I can understand her realization that she is the lucky one, not his wife like she used to think when she was so tied up in him. Progress takes time & she is getting there so I feel we should support her & not throw stones or chide her for not being so far along that she still thinks about him. [That takes a really really long time & it would be unrealistic at this point]. Good job Rooke, I'm proud of you. Thankyou. I really appreciate your support. I don't value the opinions of people who don't know what they're talking about and have nothing better to do in their lives except tell perfect strangers what they think or feel so it didn't affect me.
Silly_Girl Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 when he was running from you, i hope he tripped and smashed his weenie on a rock. Just sayin hahahahahahahaaa!!!!
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