I'm afraid I've convinced myself my ex is the victim just to break NC when I may be t

[ConflictedGirl]

I'm afraid of the power my mind has just a few days ago I hated my ex so much I had convinced myself he used me, he cheated ,he lied, he planned to hurt me..he did it out of spite , I was rebound,he is probably laughing at me right now...etc

 

in efforts to stop those thoughts I began to reflect on bad stuff I i may have done during the relationship...although my ex did do a lot of bad and hurtful things..a lot of the stuff that made me "hate" him were assumptions...and guesses ...not a lot of solid proof other than intuition..as I delved into what I may have done I began to see how bad I was in the relationship...IM A MONSTER...i started thinking...wow what if this was my fault what if he was the one that should get the apology as I pieced stuff together a lot of the stuff he did may have been as a result or a reaction to what I've done...ive been feeling guilty all day

 

 

the problem is just like last week it was all his fault and I hated him this week its all my fault...i don't want to go and break nc and or apologize...incase I'm wrong...incase I'm fooling myself to believe I am the 1 wrong..and when I break nc..i realize that I really am the victim here...

 

 

i just feel bad because if this is my fault I want to apologize...but at the same time I feel my ex owes me an apology...weve been nc almost 8 weeks..i was kind of waitin on an apology from him..but I'm beginning to see that I may actually be the insensitive 1..and what if he is waiting on one from me?

 

 

any views? thing is I can flip this anyway I can make him out to be the bad guy and I can make me out to be the bad guy too...

 

 

i may just be getting weak but we all only see what we want to see...

[betterdeal]

How about not trying to fit it into an abuser-victim model, and instead see it as a difficult relationship? Most difficult relationships involve two-way traffic: both people hurt the other and get hurt by the other. That makes you both a victim and an abuser. Both good and evil. Saint and sinner. Doesn't make much sense, does it?

 

It's understandable that we try to pin it down to one person being the baddy, but it just doesn't work in most cases.

 

So, take a deep breath, let it out, and accept that you were in a difficult situation and you were doing the best you knew how to, as was he. And you are now not in that position and neither is he. You're safe. You can relax, you can grieve you loss, the harm and confusion. And you can start on a new journey learning more about you, improve your self-knowledge and relationship skills, and what better relationship to improve than the one you have with yourself?

 

It's okay. You are safe and you are going to feel much better.

[threebyfate]

Take a look at the Kubler-Ross model with the five stages of grief. While it was originally intended to cover loss by a loved one through death, it can also be applied to loss of a loved one in general.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

 

1. Denial
   
2. Anger
   
3. Bargaining
   
4. Depression
   
5. Acceptance
   

[ConflictedGirl]

Take a look at the Kubler-Ross model with the five stages of grief. While it was originally intended to cover loss by a loved one through death, it can also be applied to loss of a loved one in general.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

 

1. Denial
   
2. Anger
   
3. Bargaining
   
4. Depression
   
5. Acceptance
   

 

 

hmmm thankyou , which stage would you consider this?

[threebyfate]

hmmm thankyou , which stage would you consider this?

Probably bargaining, since you're at the stage where if both of you admit you're wrong and sorry, there might be the possibility of a second chance.