secondname Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 My wife and I are 26. Married for 4 years, together for 6. We have a 3 year old boy. 6 months ago she said she wanted a 2nd kid and I was not ready. She said I was selfish and out the door she went. She moved in with her parents. She would not talk to me or nothing for 3 months. In march we started hanging out again. She would stay 2-3 nights a week and we were doing good I thought. These past 2 months seems as if she isnt trying very hard. She does stuff that pisses me off and I loose my temper very easily. When I try to explain to her what she is doing pisses me off, she just says I have problems and she is going to do what she wants to. here are some examples.... She came over on a friday night with our boy and our sisters. I had to be at work at 6 am and we all settled in to bed. around 1 in the mornin our sisters came in and wanted to go to a high school bonfire and out the door my wife went - I jumped up out of bed super pissed and cussed her out for being such disrespectful for waking up at 1am to hang out with our sisters. - i know i lost my temper but she does this stuff every weekend. I try to tell her if she wouldt do crap like this i wouldnt lose my temper.....I just need to vent because i cant take it anymore.....What hurts me the most is she is blaming it on me, saying im controlling and not letting her live her life. It makes me feel bad and think maybe i should let her do what she wants to
Author secondname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Other things she has done - she only hangs out when it is convienent for her. I ask her to come hang out with me on week nights, and she tells me she is busy, then I see her on facebook going out with her girl friends. she NEVER calls me. Its almost as if she is playing games. I can go 3-4 days and not call her, and she will not bother to call me...When I do call her she tells me "phone works both ways" and turns it around on me as if I should call her. I dont know what to do anymore. I love her so much but she is not giving me the respect I need, and it tears me up when she turns it around on me making me feel bad
tangerinetrees Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Have you tried talking to her about how you are feeling when you AREN'T already upset about something she has done/is doing at the moment. I think sometimes its best to sit down and talk about how you are feeling neglected and disrespected when you're calm and can stay composed. Otherwise, it just turns into a fight and no one gets anywhere. Good luck!
dreamingoftigers Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hi there, sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Losing your temper doesn't seem to be working, in fact it is pretty detrimental. Here are two books that might help you figure out how to get this marriage to work: 1. The Divorce Remedy 2. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It All I can say is that if one tactic doesn't work, try something different.
Author secondname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I have no idea what to do anymore, I cant sleep at night and cant do my job at day. She still hangs out with me on occasions, and acts like we will work. but I know she is using me as a backburner and I need to stop talking to her. Its just hard and need someone one to tell me its alright . sound stupid as hell..
Author secondname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Here is our recent conversation earlier today - I called her and told her the things that piss me off. She turns it around and says she is doing nothing wrong and she is going to live her life the way she wants too. When she says that, it pisses me off and I just hang up the phone. this weekend she has plans to go to the beach with her friends. I havent seen her in 2 weekends. She claims she wants to work things out and wants to hang out... I found out about the beach through her friend on facebook.. They had this planned 2 weeks ago and she hasnt even told me about it. She has been leading me on about wanting to hang out this weekend.... I confronted her today and she said she didnt feel the need to tell me about the beach because it wasnt important
tangerinetrees Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru that. I am so sorry to say this to you, but coming from the viewpoint of a woman, it doesn't sound like she really wants to get back into a real marriage with you again. If she did, she would be there working on it with you. Does this mean that its totally over? I don't think so. But you've both got to get really real about what you want and expect out of each other. Try to wait to have this conversation with her until you can just sit down and have some uninterrupted time. Then tell her that you love her and tell her what you want out of your relationship. Take some time to really think things over. What are the top 10 most important things to you out of your partner? What are some things you may not love, but you could live with? Try to be open-minded and flexible! Then, ask her what she really wants. If the answer is anything less than what you want and need ie, a committed marriage, then its time you let her go. She will just continue to hurt you time and time again otherwise. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Best of luck to you.
Chi townD Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Sounds like the two of you married way too young. The one thing is, when you marry your life isn't yours anymore, you share your life with the person you married to. And you loose a lot more of your life when you become parents. I don't think she understands that. However, it sounds like you have some anger issues that you need to get in check. You can't have a meaniful conversation when you're pissed all the time. Therefore, she rather not listen to it. There are a lot of red flags going up with your wife's behavior, you need to get this recified before she does something that will destroy this marriage to the point that it can't be repaired.
Author secondname Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 yea, I have anger issues, but she pushes me to that point. Phone calling for instance. I will call her at 6:00 when I get off and she want answer so Ill send a text around 6:15.... she will call me back at like 9:30 that night and say her phone was dead and bla bla... then when she comes over on certain days I'll look at her call log and see she had talk to 2-3 different friends in that same time....and that is what makes my anger come out. If I call you ! Answer.......... if she can talk to her friends, she should talk to me
robf1971 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Phone calling for instance. I will call her at 6:00 when I get off and she want answer so Ill send a text around 6:15.... she will call me back at like 9:30 that night and say her phone was dead No disrepect to you Secondname but So what if she doesn't answer....? I got an even better idea, stop calling her, let her call you. I got an even better idea, go out and get a good social life on your own, make new friends etc.
robf1971 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 then when she comes over on certain days Ok, well here's another idea. Your wife calls you and says "I'm coming round" Your answer " I've made plans to go out, I'm just on my way out so I can't speak, have a nice evening, bye"
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