LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I wonder this, because it appears that every single guy that is older and has trouble with women, is bitter because of this. And then women are like, "Well, it's because you're bitter! Smile and be carefree, and you'll meet a nice girl!" I've noticed that whenever I've been happier and smiling, that more women have responded positively. But it still hasn't led to a relationship. So what is the deal here? Can an average looking guy get a girlfriend, simply by smiling and yucking it up? And can a really good looking guy be single, because of his attitude? What came first, the bitterness or the rejection? And are you more or less likely to be rejected because you're bitter, or because you're physically attractive?
sumdude Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Bitter and angry will repel people in general. Being positive, fun and generally warm will attract people in general. You can make a lot more friends being happy. Then there's another layer when it comes to sexual attraction. There you have to have a certain air of confidence. Not be afraid to make the moves that make it obvious you are sexually attracted to a woman.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I wish there was some sort of manual for those moves, and not pick up manuals. I don't want to learn a bunch of misogyny, I want to learn how to be a sexually attractive man. I think high school should teach you how to attract the opposite sex. Not give you conflicting messages on celibacy, and virginity. I bought into all of that as a teen, and rejected so many chances (that I regret now.) I assumed that everyone else was not having sex, same as me, and was shocked to learn at 21 that I was weird for being a virgin (I thought everyone waited till they were older!) Now I'm 28, and feel like a freak. But that's another story.... Can a charming personality make up for lack of experience? Is that even possible? I'm just wondering if me and the rest of the guys on here (like Ross) who are approaching 30, or are over it, stand a chance with women?
Rinnix Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Can a charming personality make up for lack of experience? Is that even possible? I'm just wondering if me and the rest of the guys on here (like Ross) who are approaching 30, or are over it, stand a chance with women? Yes, a charming personality CAN make up for lack of experience. Many women wouldn't be opposed to dating a man with less experience either. If a woman were to reject someone just because they lack dating experience then good riddance. Positive attitude brings on positive vibes, while when someone is bitter it brings along the same. I am generally positive and cheerful, and I get those who are interested. I am also interested in those who are more positive instead of jaded and negative.
fishtaco Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Absolutely. Even when you feel bitter and angry, you have to put on a happy and carefree face when you're out trying to date.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I wish there was some sort of manual for those moves, and not pick up manuals. I don't want to learn a bunch of misogyny, I want to learn how to be a sexually attractive man. I think high school should teach you how to attract the opposite sex. Not give you conflicting messages on celibacy, and virginity. I bought into all of that as a teen, and rejected so many chances (that I regret now.) I assumed that everyone else was not having sex, same as me, and was shocked to learn at 21 that I was weird for being a virgin (I thought everyone waited till they were older!) Now I'm 28, and feel like a freak. But that's another story.... Can a charming personality make up for lack of experience? Is that even possible? I'm just wondering if me and the rest of the guys on here (like Ross) who are approaching 30, or are over it, stand a chance with women? If you tell a fat guy to work out more and eat less that sounds pretty easy right. The reality is motivation has to come from somewhere. Also its about the moment not the future or past. Same goes for you. It’s as easy as being yourself, and not letting fear or what others think define you. The motivation to live this way has to come from you though. Also it’s about the moment, not what you were or what you are afraid of becoming. Think about it. What state do you live in by the way? (sorry if I asked this before but I don't remember)
Rinnix Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Awww no naked bed pix, rinnix? No sorry, no such thing either.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I live in Ohio. The good old boring state, lol. But yeah, I agree, I wouldn't want to date someone who was negative, either. That's why I was asking the question, lol. And sometimes letting go of hurt is harder than fighting against it.
carhill Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I've noticed that whenever I've been happier and smiling, that more women have responded positively. But it still hasn't led to a relationship I found, at your age, naturally being positive and energetic in life, women did resond positively but, like you, relationships eluded me. At some point, I don't remember exactly when, I decided to care less about their perspective and just pursue what I wanted, effectively minimizing their importance in my mind. I tore down the pedestal I had built for them. It was at that point relationships began to happen. The bitterness would come much later, after being married
Rinnix Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't know. That last pic looked pretty revealing. It didn't take much imagination to picture you camming naked on a bed with sex toys lined up in a neat little row before you. I don't think so. But thanks for enjoying my photo, regardless of your terrible agenda.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't think so. But thanks for enjoying my photo, regardless of your terrible agenda. Wow, what a great reaction in the face of such perversion from a stranger online. very carefree and it does seem to equal attractive.
oaks Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't know. That last pic looked pretty revealing. It didn't take much imagination to picture you camming naked on a bed with sex toys lined up in a neat little row before you. Now there's an image...
Intricategirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Real life opportunities to reinforce what I'm studying- FTW! Being happy makes it more likely that you can be attractive to someone else. That doesn't make it a guarantee. Human behavior is too complex for that. Some unsolicited advice (and feel free to throw it in the rubbish bin where all good unsolicited advice belongs)... live your life for you. The problem with trying to boil anything down to a single variable is that if it doesn't pan out, it's really disappointing, because everything was riding on it. What if you suddenly don't have a care in the world and still don't instantly find a mate. The happiness will be hard, if not impossible to maintain, and then you don't even have that. Be happy for happiness sake. Be friendly for the sake of being friendly. Don't do things as a means to accomplish something different. Just skip the middleman and do the different thing in the first place. Don't go to events to find a girl. Go to events to go to events. I know that may not be what you want to hear, but when people say they find love as soon as they stop looking, I think this is what's happening. They stopped trying to be something else for some other reason, and just were for themselves. And it comes across as being really satisfied, which is attractive. Does that make sense?
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Yes, it does make sense. Thanks Intricate.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Bottom line you’ll have more success if you are looking for some one to share your happiness with as opposed to looking for something outside of yourself to create it. People who look for relationships to create their happiness usually fall very short. Yes be happy for happiness sake. Be you, the best most true version of yourself. The version you enjoy life being.
PratyekaYana Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I found, at your age, naturally being positive and energetic in life, women did resond positively but, like you, relationships eluded me. At some point, I don't remember exactly when, I decided to care less about their perspective and just pursue what I wanted, effectively minimizing their importance in my mind. I tore down the pedestal I had built for them. It was at that point relationships began to happen. The bitterness would come much later, after being married Seconded in all but the marital strife. Indifference (which must be distinguished from the strategic marginalization that's preached in the PUA community) of a sort really does seem to be the magical elixir that bridges the gulf between being perceived as merely nice and innocuous by a woman and being sexually/romantically attractive to her. When gaining her attention and her affection is no longer a real motivation for you, when life becomes a richer experience, that is ironically the precise moment that she becomes willing to give them. The only problem is that, when that moment arrives (at least for me), you've lost interest in the offer.
carhill Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yeah, now, if I don't see a marked response to sincere and genuine interest of the moment, I just write them off emotionally, similar to how women friend-zone men they're not attracted to. No matter what happens down the road, that special emotional place, the place which impelled me to approach her, is gone. She had her chance. Prior, I'd wallow in that place, building that pedestal for her. What a waste of healthy energy, emotion and time. Life is short. Don't waste it. That's my message to the young.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Seconded in all but the marital strife. Indifference (which must be distinguished from the strategic marginalization that's preached in the PUA community) of a sort really does seem to be the magical elixir that bridges the gulf between being perceived as merely nice and innocuous by a woman and being sexually/romantically attractive to her. When gaining her attention and her affection is no longer a real motivation for you, when life becomes a richer experience, that is ironically the precise moment that she becomes willing to give them. The only problem is that, when that moment arrives (at least for me), you've lost interest in the offer. What? Can someone translate this? I don't understand.
carhill Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 'Gaining' aka pedestal-building. 'Showing' interest and accepting the immediate result is far healthier, IME. If the immediate result is negative, then the moment is gone. Later, if she 'changes her mind', unfortunately, she blew her wad when she rejected that moment of opportunity in life. I've moved on emotionally to other interests and potentials. This is not to say that I won't still be friendly and perhaps a good friend to such women but, emotionally, I don't see them as a healthy potential partner nor generally attractive. I can literally see their attractiveness (part of why I approached them in the first place) dissolve and become a part of the background. Whatever caused them to rise from the page is gone. Trust me, they don't mind. Men are interchangeable. There's always another one stopping by. It's OK.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I've noticed I've become more angry the past few years (today was worse than usual, for some reason there were an unusual amount of cute girls on campus today). Not to the extent that I fly off the handle on random people or cut people off in traffic, but just generally angry that I've let myself somehow get into this situation of being perpetually single and unable to date. I've also become less patient. It's like I try to turn any woman I meet into a potential prospect and get frustrated when things don't work out. It's entirely contrived and stupid that I do this but it's because I'm in a hurry to get a girlfriend (hell even kiss a girl). I know anger and bitterness doesn't make me more attractive. But how in the world should I feel?
Datura Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I know anger and bitterness doesn't make me more attractive. But how in the world should I feel? Feel however you choose. You can choose to maintain an angry outlook, which will harm you (primary), and likely hinder any potential chance at dating (secondary), or you can move past the anger by focusing on the things you can change, gain some patience and tolerance with yourself. Perhaps you should challenge your negative thoughts such as "I am unable to date" by coming up with a more productive interpretation.
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