Spiceman13 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 So I've been seeing this girl for about 3 or 4 weeks. She's 17 and I'm 16 and I'm taking her to prom this Friday. We used to be Bf and gf three years ago lol. I've gone on about 5 dates with her and made out with her on the 4th one. The last one I took her to he beach qnd cuddled, i was gunna ask her to be my gf but kinda chikend out not sure if shell say yes. It's supposed to be bad weather until next week Monday. I'm leaving for two weeks next week Tuesday for a trip and won't see her. I want to be her bf before that because I don't want someone else to come in the picture. Should I ask her before prom, on prom, after prom? Should inwait till I get back from my trip? Any good ideas where I could ask her inside incase it's bad weather?
Sabali Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 So she was 13 and you were 14 when you first dated so I would think that you too have matured significantly between that time and likely have gained more experience. The sharpest of development in learning and development is done in childhood and 3 or 4 years in childhood means much more than if you were in your 30s. You should not ask to be her boyfriend. This would put too much pressure on the situation and runs a greater risk of working against you. T Two weeks is nothing and if you have made a good impression on her during your last few dates, she will keep you in her mind during your trip. Just contact her when you return and pick up where you left off.
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Disinterested, I disagree... This looks like two young people growing up together and clicking on many levels... Obviously you don't have the experiential maturity of dating other people...I think you might perhaps just tell her you consider her to be your GF, because you just gel so well.... Take things as they come... Understand that people change, and circumstances bring new awarenesses.. ... you may not be a "together for ever" couple, but relax and enjoy each others' company, and at the same time, be relaxed enough to allow for growing and advancing. Whether it's together or apart....
Lilmisus Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 which failed them before. They were kids though. Back when I was 13-14 it was amazing for a couple to last a couple of weeks. Back then, if you lasted two months, it was considered a really long time at my school. Now that they're older, they have a better chance at a more real relationship. One that doesn't consist of mom or dad dropping them off at each others house. I say go for asking her to be your girlfriend on prom. Don't rush it though just because you think someone else may come into the picture, that's never a good reason to get in a relationship with someone. Try to make it special if you do it on prom though..like during a slow dance or when you guys are walking someplace.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 People don't change in junior high to high school. The packaging changes but the contents don't. Either you're twelve, or you have a short memory.....
chelle21689 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Ignore Disinterested, just trollin which he/she tends to like to do around these boards.
chelle21689 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) Ha, I knew that would be your reason. I just sense a lot of negativity every where you go. I think that 4 er 5 years is a big enough change. 13 is a huge difference when you're 16 with experiences you have been through. Edited May 11, 2011 by chelle21689
Sabali Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 People need to hear what they don't like so I usually give them the opposite of what they want. Coddling helps no one. Yet a person's character remains static and fixed. For some reason people think external shifts should have internal effects but they don't. After true childhood, the only event which will change who you really are is brain injury. Adolescence is a time of sexual development and some physical growth but not much more. As you go through junior high, high school, college, early adulthood, and beyond you handle new responsibilities, quandaries, and stresses with the same strategies and tools you did the old ones. This is why leaders never become followers. Followers never become leaders. Extroverts don't become introverts. Introverts don't become extroverts. The takers are always the takers and the givers are always the givers. The list goes on... I am not saying that you are wrong, Snookums, but do you at least realize that your statements do not agree with any established or well-accepted models of human/child development in the community of Psychology? From what I have heard through the grapevine, those years from pre-adolescence through adolescence are very crucial in shaping someone's character in adulthood. To say that a 13 year-old handles life with the same strategies as an 43 year-old is a very profound statement.
Sabali Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Yes, a lot of studies out there...unfortunately only a relatively well-designed ones, so I am told. On the contrary, there seems to be a lot of teaching out there that pass on the ideas that humans develop their identities during the adolescent years, specifically, from 12 to 18. When I hear of these ideas, I tend to think about the teen who join gangs or begin to take on the Goth culture during their teen years versus taking them up at the age of of nine. These ideas then become persuasive. I'm just saying...
Sabali Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 In the case of the goth kid they'll always be alternatively minded. The goth "phase" will pass but not the reason which brought them there. Could that reason be the search of an identity? Could that phase be a transition to a stage where an identity is established or do you believe (considering the goth kid example), that once that phase is over, the kid will return to the identity he established as a 6 year-old (in reference to the study that you quoted)?
Sabali Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) What lies underneath is immutable while the veneer is stripped and reapplied countless times. Only the varnishes which complement the qualities of the surface are added. Your view is interesting but I am hoping to maintain some sort of clarity for just a tinsy winsy bit. We went from using clear cut examples and even quoting studies to using metaphors which are somewhat vague in that they can be interpreted in many ways. I think I know what you are saying but I do not want to put "words in your mouth." You mind clarifying your above quote if you can spare a minute? Edited May 12, 2011 by Sabali
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