Shadesofgray Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hello everyone. I just stumbled on this forum and would like to get some feedback from all of you. My last serious relationship (over a year ago) last 4 years. He was the only man I have ever truly been in love with. I found out in the end that he had been cheating on me off and on over the course of the 4 years. Needless to say that ended...but it left me with so much doubt as far as relationships are concerned. I have always had issues as far as self esteem are concerned..I also tend to worry about EVERYTHING and over analyze everything as well. Anyways I have been on several dates over the last year but nothing serious until now. I have been dating this guy for about 3 months. He is my best friend's cousin so I have known him for about 6 years but just recently we had started talking and realized we were interested in each other. He is such a great guy. He treats me better than anyone ever has. He is hard working and dedicated. I have complete trust for him..no worries whatsoever that he would cheat (which is very odd for me because of my past relationship I'm usually paranoid about that). He does work two jobs so we usually don't get to see each other very much during the week but we spend most of the weekends together and he texts me throughout the day. The problem is...I am constantly worried that his feelings are going to change. I tend to need reassurance more than I should. I have tried not to mention it too much to him..but I end up saying things like, "Do you still feel the same about me?" or asking if everything is ok. I know in the long run this is going to hurt me..so I am trying to resolve my insecurities so that this won't be an issue. I very much felt like I was never "good enough" for my ex..and I think that is where so many of my issues come from. I really just don't know how to just live my life day to day and not question everything all the time. Things are great with him..and when I do show concern he is always quick to reassure me that things are good. I'm not sure if this is really even a question but maybe someone from an outside perspective can give some insight. Thanks!
Jazzari Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I'm going through a bout of insecurity myself, and dang - it hurts, doesn't it! Like you, my bf treats me very well and there is no basis for my feelings. I'm not normally an insecure person, he's just so perfect and I want it so badly that I'm afraid of losing it. Plus my husband died about a year ago and even though the marriage was happy, in a way he still left me. And I never want to feel that pain again. So far, I've managed to bite my tongue and not say one word. I stay happy and upbeat around him. Warm and loving without being clingy or needy. When it gets to be too much, I try to distract myself with something else until I feel better. I'm about 5 months into the relationship and I'm just hoping that time will take care of it. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I don't know what to do myself except never give in to the insecurity. I feel it and it hurts like blazes - but I never show it.
Author Shadesofgray Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 That's exactly how I feel. I want it to work so bad that I'm afraid of doing something wrong...or I'll even start thinking that maybe he's just with me because it's convienient..not because he really likes me. I really don't think there is much we can do except give it time. I'm very sure that my worries are completely unjustified..but there is just always that doubt in the back of my mind. I'm sorry to hear about your husband..I can't imagine going through that.
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