jnj express Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 As to your responsibility in this---WORK---you had to work---how would the 2 of you get along, if there was no/much less money coming in---that may be a circumstance---but not a major problem Communication---how much did the 2 of you communicate to each other---and if there were problems, how much of it was forceful enuff to make the other partner sit up and take notice Let me ask you something----I don't know how long she has been cheating---BUT------timewise---How much time has she spent really, forcefully, trying---to work on the mge, and get you to take notice of marital problems---over the course of the last 6 months, shall we say------has she spent a full hour, 3 hours, 6 hours total, a day------how much time has she spent, working, planning, manipulating, lying in re:her affair----weeks, months-------It ain't equal time is it Your wife is fully responsible---stop being mr. nice guy---and put this all where it belongs
John Michael Kane Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Your wife is fully responsible---stop being mr. nice guy---and put this all where it belongs Exactly. OP whatever "marital issues" you two been having lately, they're gone out the window. She's been tramping around and lying to you for a very long time without a care in the world for the marriage.
jnj express Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 I think I read where she had her A. for 2 yrs---that is one frikin long time to treat you like you mean absolutely nothing, or better yet, like you were a doormat, or POS---put it any words you want Every single mge., that exists, has problems---that doesn't give one of the partners the right to give themselves to a stranger, and trample their partner, like they were a big nothing Your wife has dissed you for 2 yrs, its almost as if she were a bigamist---living 2 lives---- Let me ask you something---in your sacred wedding vows---was it stated ANYWHERE, or did you say at ANYTIME-----oh yeah sure--you can go and spread your legs for some stranger, and for 2 yrs, no less Wake up-----you may love your wife---but the woman you have before you---SHE AIN'T YOUR WIFE---the woman you married, she loved you---she wouldn't have trampled on your very sould---and caused you to spend possibly the rest of your life in misery---this woman before you she could care less----and please don't tell me now all of a sudden she loves you----that's a whole nother story in it's self, as to why, all of a sudden, you are now the light of her life----if you believe her---I got a bridge I wanna sell you. Even if you R---it takes 2 to 5 yrs, to accomplish anything---do you wanna spend several years trying to get thru this---WITH A WOMAN, WHO ACTUALLY LOVES ANOTHER MAN You will do what you will do---I will say just one more thing---if you do decide to R---You better be tuff as nails on how you handle this, cuz if she percieves weakness in you, and you basically do nothing---SHE WILL CHEAT ON YOU AGAIN---cuz she already knows she can get away with it
robf1971 Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 In order for you to really get over this,there are several things she needs to do for you. Is she ready to do them? - give you complete and total access to all cell phones, emails, web browsing history, bank accounts, etc etc. and allow you - no, OFFER to let you - look at them at ANY time - have complete and 100% NO contact with the AP - go to MC with you - start IC herself - apologize profusely, voluntarily, in writing if you want her to - disclose everything she did if you want her to. This *10 million. She needs to walk over broken glass to even have a 10% chance of getting you back.
Lance22 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 She did, but you raise a good point, I do feel very possesive, and maybe that is showing rather than just a feeling. Probably just re enforcing why she cheated in the first place. thank you for that, it makes sense. And yes I do hope this feeling of mental turmoil is normal, I can be laughing one minute, angry the next, and crying the next it really is just eating me alive. But I still believe in my heart it is the right thing to do, she deserves a chance. What you are feeling is completely normal and if it's only been four weeks it will go on for a while, at least another couple of months but the good news is it does end, just gradually. Give youself some time to understand your true feelings. I wanted to hit a rewind button in life and go back and undo things and go back to the good times. In the end I realised that was not possible and we split. There is all sort's of good advice here but in the end this is your decision and you need a clear head to make it. Get some councilling either on your own or together, it really helps to put things in perspective. And look after YOU right now and the answer will come in the end. I feel so sorry for you because I know exactly how you feel however, trust me you'll get to a better place.
fltc Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 But I still believe in my heart it is the right thing to do, she deserves a chance. I disagree, she does NOT deserve a second chance! You'd be perfectly right to kick her cheating ass out of your life forever. It's YOU that deserves a second chance and if you feel that restoring your marriage is the best for YOU (not for her, she deserves nothing...) then it is the right thing for you to do.
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