usabup Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hi Guys, My ex finacee left me just under two months ago. I won't go into the whole story, but basically I had a controlling nature which I didn't acknowledge until it was too late. Her leaving me was what I deserved as she is a great women and deserves better then that. She has refused to see me since. I did the whole begging and pleading thing which got me ignored for a month. She then began speaking to me again and at one point began to re-think her decision. But nothing happened and she told me that she thought it was best if we both moved on. So I left her alone for a couple of weeks and then sent her an e-mail saying how great it would be if we came out of this as friends because we always got on so well. And I let her know that she still had someone in me that cared about her and believed in her. The last time we spoke we were really friendly to each other so I assumed she was over it and would maybe consider a friendship. This was the e-mail I got back... "Hey I understand what you are saying, we did always get on so well and were best friends when we were together. I always enjoyed the time we spent together, ever when we were doing nothing. But you have to remember that through all the good times, there were a lot of arguments, rows and nasty words spoken. I can't just erase those memories. And I can't look through our relationsip and friendship with rose tinted glasses. You may well believe in me and know what I'm worth, but the most important person that also knows how much I am worth is me! I don't need anyone else to tell me. All I ever wanted was for someone to love me and take care of me. But that is just a stupid fairytail. The reality is that the only person that should take care of me, is me. I really trusted you when you promised me the world and swore you would never hurt me. But you did. Iv dealt with that and I'm still dealing with it now. Its massivley sad we have gone from being a big part of each others lives to nothing. But that's what's happened. You don't want us to be strangers, but I can't jump from being your fiance to your friends. Not at this point anyway. And I'm not sure how it would help either of us." So she sent me that e-mail just under a week ago and has ignored me ever since! I know I need to move on and that is what I'm doing. But does this e-mail come across as her being strong and over it? Or does it come across as her being hurt? I'm really worried about her and although I'm the one that caused this I just don't want her to be hurting anymore.
Chi townD Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 If you want to stop hurting her, then stop contacting her. She sound pretty confident that the relationship is broken beyond repair and it is time to move on. Nothing you can do to fix this because it DOES take two to fix a relationship and if she's not willing; then, you're wasting your time. Time to do a hard NC. Delete her phone number, de-friend her on Facebook, and change your phone number. No texts, no e-mails and no phone calls. EVEN if she contacts you! DON'T DO IT! Time to let go and start healing, learn from your mistakes and move on.
PegNosePete Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 does this e-mail come across as her being strong and over it? Or does it come across as her being hurt? Who cares? What difference would it make? She has told you quite clearly that she does not want you back and does ot want to be friends. So just NC and that's that. Whatever she is feeling whether she is strong and over it or hurting like a mofo, it shouldn't change your actions, which are to respect her decision and not contact her again.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Respect her wishes and move on. If you don't want to hurt her anymore, leave her alone.
ilovedhim Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I know I need to move on and that is what I'm doing. But does this e-mail come across as her being strong and over it? Or does it come across as her being hurt? I'm really worried about her and although I'm the one that caused this I just don't want her to be hurting anymore. It comes across as all of the above: her being strong, needing to get over it, and hurt. This email was a response to the email you sent which I assume you apologized for the pain you caused her. She's asking you to leave her alone. If you truly love her then you'll respect her wishes and NC.
Author usabup Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 It comes across as all of the above: her being strong, needing to get over it, and hurt. This email was a response to the email you sent which I assume you apologized for the pain you caused her. She's asking you to leave her alone. If you truly love her then you'll respect her wishes and NC. Yeah thanks for the comment. Yeah you are right. Its difficult you know. I mean I won't contact her that's for sure, but its hard knowing someone you love is hurting because your instincts are to want to be there for them when in reality you know you can't be because you caused it. I was kind of hoping that people may have thought the e-mail came across as her being ok!
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