LoveHurts89 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I really need some advice please. I’m sure many of you have read my posts. S is away this week, he gets back Friday from his holiday. We bought a bed together as we were due to move in. But obviously now, we’re not. I’ve told him we need to sell the bed. It’s too big to stay at my house, and I said to him if I hear he’s moved on, I’m not strong enough to deal with the thought of another woman holding him in a bed I paid for. I don’t want the money from him, I want the bed gone. May seem silly to some, but that’s what I need to happen to walk away completely, if I have to. Anyway, before he went away, he’d said if nothing changes between us, we’ll sell the bed when I’m back. Then a week later, he asked me not to text him, short term. We had a phone call where he said he has to be stern with me, because he doesn’t know what he wants so has to say it’s over, and if he says anything nice, he said I’ll read in to it too much. So I said shall I collect my stuff? And he said when I’m back off holiday. He also owes me money. I’m not in a rush for it, I’d rather him keep hold of it as it gives me a link to him… Sad, I know. So, how do I approach this? I’m hoping this week away will give him time and space to think, it’s all he’s asked for all along and I never gave it to him. Too little, too late? Maybe. But I’m trying. So, do I text at the weekend? Do I say, hey, how was the holiday? And risk him not replying? And if he does, would it be like, it was good, come and get your stuff? Or do I text and say what are the plans for the bed, do you want me to start selling it? Or do I say should I come and get my stuff? (None of my stuff is stuff I need urgently). Do I wait for him to contact me? The thing is, he wants to keep the bed, but understand my wish to sell it, so I can’t imagine him getting in touch over it. Do I just wait a little longer than the weekend and text saying I miss you? Because really, that’s all I want to tell him!! I just want him back. Would an "I miss you text" after a little while help? Or push him further? I don't know whether this week away whilst alone will help him see he's made a mistake. I guess if I push the issue with the bed, he'll just say let's sell it then, rather than focusing on the space I'm finally giving him. I'm not holding up much help of him taking me back, as every time I hope, I get hurt. I'm just reading a self help website. They're saying that after a month, I should write a letter rather than a text. And instead of bringing up the issues in the relationship, just ask to meet for coffee. Not a date, nothing long and intense. Just meet up and chat about anything, have fun, and show him the person he fell in love with rather than focusing on the bad times. Is this a load of garbage, or could it help? Thank you, Maria xx
smudge21 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Let him make the first move in this situation. You're too emotional to really start thinking about making contact right now and you need space. It's not just about him you know. It's still all very fresh and you need time to get your head together. You have no idea what he's thinking so don't try to assume anything in relation to him. Just do what you feel right for you, no one else. Get the bed moved to a garage or someone else's house. At the moment it's a catalyst for feelings and a way, in your mind, to get him to see you. You really don't want these things in your life right now. You need time to yourself, to clear you head and think straight. I know what it's like and right now, thinking straight is totally out of the question. Forget the miss you texts and don't focus on this plan to arrange a coffee in a months time. You won't be healing whilst you're doing that, you'll just be waiting for that meeting to happen. Maybe in time you can meet, but only when you're in a better place. I know even now, after 6 weeks, there's no way I could be alone with my ex. The feelings are still very much there, so I'm staying NC, until I can honestly only see her as a friend. You need to start focusing on what will make you feel better. What did you used to do before he came along. Who did you see, spend time with, where did you go. Start to look at this like a holiday from everything. Time to yourself to do whatever the hell you want to do without anyone telling you otherwise. If it helps, then say to yourself "okay, I'll take a month, do some crazy random sh*t, and then maybe I'll text him at the end of it. I'll see how I feel.". Whatever it is, you need to keep busy as those times when you're alone and bored are the worse. I know. Just understand and accept that this is not going to be easy, but things always get better.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thank you for the advice. Maybe I should have added that we broke up 10 weeks ago, two weeks before we were due go move in together. I also spoke about marriage and kids a lot, so I think he felt the pressure. So I guess if I want him to see I've changed, putting pressure on him to meet me is the last thing I should do. As you say, I'll leave it a while. If I don't hear from him, I'll text him a while down the line to make arrangements.
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