bestrong Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I am not sure if this should be posted on this or the break up forum but given that my ex and I have been broken up for over 1.5 years, it seems more make sense to post on this board. She and I communicated through email weekly since March/ April. We never mention anything about her bf or my relationship status but we shared daily details with each other. I WAS happy to try to build up a friendship with her even though I still want to have her back. I come to terms which we will never be in the same country and it's not going to work out. I thought our stories would be different given that we were seperated because of distance and there was no cheating. But I was too naive. I started to see a pattern where she would stop emailing for 2 weeks once I fulfilled her curiousity. I gave her my Skype id after she kept asking me to teach her Cantonese so she could communicate betther with her mother, she disappeard after I finally gave in. And all of a sudden she started to seek relationship advice. I guess it was my bad since I felt she's unhappy and i asked her what's wrong. However, I made it clear that I will not give her relationship advice because that will put me in an awkward position. I guess she understood since she didn't mention it again. Then after disappearing for a week, she asked me to teach her Cantonese again because her grandmother's birthday is coming. Didn't I give her the skype id? I was pissed when I read the email amd more importantly, my heart is finally telling me "I can't do this anymore." I haven't replied her last email and am thinking it'd be rude to just disappear like that. I'd love to be friends with her again someday, but I can't be affected by just an email... I need a break from this. Any suggestions on whether I should inform her about this or not? P.S. FuFu, I know... I said I was going to do NC but I fail....
smudge21 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Maybe it's time to say goodbye. One last email. Lay it all out and then go NC. Make sure you say everything you think is important as this will be the last time you contact her. Take that in for a moment - the last time you will contact her. Now prepare that email and say goodbye. As you can tell, I've been there and it was the hardest thing I had to do, but I know I had to do it, for my own sanity. I would've loved to have kept the friendship but I couldn't. I was lying to myself by saying it was all I wanted. I loved her (still do) and probably always will. After the goodbye email we parted ways as friends, which in many ways is bitter-sweet, but best alround. Good luck.
Author bestrong Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks Smudge21. I hope the email won't come off as cheesy and creep her out. She recently told me she is diagnosed with ADHA, so she might get super angry because the letter frustrates her. There are a lot I want to talk about, but she might not want to hear.
smudge21 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Keep the email nice but honest. Don't avoid saying what needs to be said, but in the same sense don't overload her with information. My email told her how I truly felt and how I couldn't remain her friend because of that. Threw in a few reminders of why I felt that way. Told her what I truly thought of her as a person (nice stuff) and ended with saying goodbye and that I'd always love her. She did text and didn't want to lose my friendship but we still parted ways. In many ways it was the right thing for me to do and it felt good. The only downside was that as we parted in a nice way, I missed her so much and it made it harder. Once the emails sent and it's clear it's over, you have to stay NC. I've been tempted many times to text my ex but I know if I do it shoots down everything I said in the email, and you can never send a second goodbye email.
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