Think I'm nearing that point

[fishtaco]

I agree with sanskrit.

 

But many people think like welikeincrowds and TBF.

 

I do respect their arguments, so I've resigned to agree to disagree. And I just shrug and say, okay, I'm predatory with no morals. Ironically, once I proclaim that statement openly, it actually opens up another door in my own mind that allows me to push even farther, should I choose to. Because let's face it, there is no right or wrong, we only have our own conscience to answer to.

 

The reality is, women are not fragile little flowers. Sometimes they USE ME for sex. News flash, women have sexual needs too. The real world is complicated, and nice people are rare. Most people, men and women, act on selfish instincts, then pretend they're not later. It is what it is. The high road is a difficult and unrewarding road. You won't find me on there.

[mr.dream merchant]

Nothing wrong with leaving the room mid-sentence, lol. That's my favorite move to pull. :/

 

I don't argue with women anymore, I've learned my lesson. So instead, if they're being mature about it, I let them speak, and we can TALK like adults. But if she's just pointing fingers and criticizing, that's usually when I walk out of the room in the middle of her sentence. I no longer value her or her opinion. Therefore, her words fall on deaf ears and her needs and wants are no longer my obligation.

 

Sketchy sketchy skeptics.

[threebyfate]

Considering how your mother is passive-aggressive and your father was the one who criticized or still criticizes you, do you recognize this in your pattern of behaviour?

 

Edit - How does your father treat your mother?

Edited May 13, 2011 by threebyfate

[betterdeal]

Yeah there's **** I want to, have to get done. My degree, my career. I want a ****ing 7-series beamer and a Burgundy Escalade with the Gold trim. I want all of that ****. House? Eh, I'll take an apartment or a condo. But that stuff will take time. I'm 22 years old, with looks to make sure I procreate and I'm fairly smart with alot of ambition and pride. At times, it feels like the only thing I'm missing right now is a woman that I can actually feel for and love. But everytime I get my hand on a possible missing piece of the puzzle, it never fits and then I end up throwing the whole ****ing puzzle in the dumpster.

 

You might want to consider reading some books on relationships and maybe even assertiveness training. I get the feeling your communication style tends to cause you problems in intimate relationships.

 

No relationship is set in stone. There is no happy ever after in the sense of a fait accompli where you disappear into the sunset and live in an undefined, un-described bliss.

 

There can be a happy ever after in the sense of two people nurturing and growing together, developing a gentle yet strong love between, around and in each other.

 

It involves being vulnerable and open, and yet knowing where the boundaries are, who owns what. Being able to enforce those boundaries and also being able to pull them back when it feels good to.

 

I believe that by finding a way to live that makes you happy, you are more likely to find someone else in the same position, i.e. living a life that makes them happy. The relationship between you will therefore be an addition to your life, not a lifeline or a dead weight.

 

Paying attention to your own feelings is key to moving in a different direction. You've identified you're afraid of intimacy on an emotional level, and also you have trust issues. Work on those. You've also identified that sometimes some of the people you get involved with unload stuff on you that's not your problem and makes you uncomfortable.

 

This is good. You are already well aware of what's your problem and what's their problem. If you can find better ways to react to the things that you're afraid of or dislike, be they your problem or theirs, things will start to pan out in a different direction.

 

For instance, you're getting close to someone and they start telling you about their past and the emotional turmoil associated with that. This triggers anger in you, almost certainly because your mother offloaded on you like this, and anger is the best defence mechanism you have learnt so far. But you can defend yourself in another way: you can think to yourself - her past is not my problem but this conversation is. Maybe say something clear, precise and positive, such as "I'd rather not talk about your past, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Let's talk about something else!"

 

I mean, maybe 90% of the time you won't get a favourable response to that, but 10% of the time you will, which is a step in a different direction.

 

Just a few ideas.

[mr.dream merchant]

Being vulnerable....to who? A woman? Naaaaaaah. I've done that before and I got burned pretty bad. Actually a couple of times. I don't have enough faith in the character of other people. So instead of making myself and emotions vulnerable to them, I dunno...I keep them locked away.