Think I'm nearing that point

[mr.dream merchant]

I dunno. It's as if I can feel the....want? Like it's slipping away really. I just can't bring myself to care about a relationship anymore, and it's so bad now that it kind of makes me a little offended when women want one from me. Maybe cause the kind of woman I want to date I hardly come across. Maybe cause the women on my back about not caring about them, treating them right, obligation this, obligation that, etc...I just don't even care about them. The only real reason I even messed with them was for sex. When I'm not horny? I talk to them any kind of way, treat them any kind of way. One of them left me a message on my facebook wall saying that she hasn't heard from me in a while. (She isn't giving me what I want from her, sex, so I stopped talking to her. I care little for her and do not wish to pursue a relationship with her or be her friend.) Normally I'd be like "Ikr how are you?" Or some bull**** like that. But tonight, I literally replied with "Oh well."

 

I just shrug off women and basically their wants. It's like I've given up on them and even making an effort to try and pursue something meaningful with them. :/ It's almost as if the effort the want me to make, the attention they want me to give them, all those stupid little games I gotta play just to get what I want....I'm just sick of it lol. So instead of making the effort my whole demeanor with them now is "I can't be bothered."

 

It feels like I'm at war with nature. I hate the whole me having to pursue, and feed her ego, feed her attention, tip toe over mouse traps to get what I want. It's just like this big ****ing stupid gauntlet I gotta battle my way through just for her to see if I'm worth her taking a risk. Over and over again every time I meet a new chick. What the **** is the incentive anyway? I'm busting my ass through this gauntlet, she's probably got 2 other guys running through to. "**** this." And so....I just got burned out. Now when chicks come around me clucking, I kind of just force myself to be an emotionless unresponsive person because like mentioned before, I'm tired of the ****ing stupid courtship games. What's the point? I'm just gonna go through the same ****ing dumbass games with this broad like I did with the last one. All women are the same, you gotta play their stupid game. You gotta do this. You gotta do that. GOTTA. Boy do I hate that word. So now I'm like "**** it." *arms folded* The only thing I GOTTA do is worry about me. "**** your mind." That's the saying that runs through my mind when chicks complain to me about what they need from me.

 

This post turned into a rant. **** it. It's been a long day. *throws mic on the floor*

[smudge21]

Careful here, I know exactly what you mean. I was more than happy just being single. Still meet the odd girl, maybe see them for a while, but it would be more a friends with benefits thing. I was never in lurve!

 

Sadly (or happily, depending on how things work out) that's usually when love happens. When you least expect or want it. For me, I know exactly how the ex got so under my skin and that was because my guard was down. I wasn't looking for anything and just saw any girl I met as a friend, nothing more.

 

So be careful as the moment you reach that point of being content with not dating could easily become the moment you start dating...........

[utterer of lies]

I just shrug off women and basically their wants.

 

That's ok. They will desire you even more for it. Don't worry

[mr.dream merchant]

Just concerned with being one of THOSE guys you know? Truth is I'm so burned out with all the dating rules, courtship games that women put me through, etc. :/ It's very taxing. Or at least it feels that way. Women want to be courted. Fine. But I've been courting so damn much that it's actually a turn off now, to have to court a woman. It's become rather.....monotonous and stupid to me. And it never fails, different woman, same ring around the rosie courtship cat and mouse bull****. Aaaaaah. :/

[utterer of lies]

Just concerned with being one of THOSE guys you know? Truth is I'm so burned out with all the dating rules, courtship games that women put me through, etc. :/ It's very taxing. Or at least it feels that way. Women want to be courted. Fine. But I've been courting so damn much that it's actually a turn off now, to have to court a woman. It's become rather.....monotonous and stupid to me. And it never fails, different woman, same ring around the rosie courtship cat and mouse bull****. Aaaaaah. :/

 

Not courting women is a much more successful strategy.

[runner]

Not courting women is a much more successful strategy.

 

yep. i don't court, i don't chase, and i don't pursue. if i like a girl, i'll make it obvious and easy for her to reciprocate. if not, then i can't be bothered. life is too short to waste time playing these stupid games/tests.

[mr.dream merchant]

Not courting women is a much more successful strategy.

 

I don't understand. You gotta court a woman lol....There's that damn word again.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Great news. Since you can't stand women anyway - leave us for the men who like us!

 

You seem completely in love with yourself on all levels, anyway. Be satisfied and bask in that. Few experience a love so supreme.

[Ms. Joolie]

The only real reason I even messed with them was for sex. When I'm not horny? I talk to them any kind of way, treat them any kind of way.

Normally I'd be like "Ikr how are you?" Or some bull**** like that.

It's like I've given up on them and even making an effort to try and pursue something meaningful with them.

 

Considering thre real reason you even "messed" with women, and considering the normal "bull****" you throw around, have you really pursued something meaning with women?

 

It feels like I'm at war with nature.

 

You are at war with yourself on your relationships with women it seems.

 

I hate the whole me having to pursue, and feed her ego, feed her attention, tip toe over mouse traps to get what I want.

 

Feeding a woman's ego is not really building a relationship with her. You've been in deep playing mind games with relationships is what it sounds like, instead of building relationships. No wonder you are spent.

[mr.dream merchant]

Great news. Since you can't stand women anyway - leave us for the men who like us!

 

You seem completely in love with yourself on all levels, anyway. Be satisfied and bask in that. Few experience a love so supreme.

 

I'll take it as constructive criticism. Besides Chaucer, I think you love me more than I love myself. :/ You post on at least 90% of my threads.

[sanskrit]

You seem completely in love with yourself on all levels, anyway. Be satisfied and bask in that. Few experience a love so supreme.

 

Yes OP, remember that not structuring your life entirely around pleasing women and catering to their desires means that you are a narcissist :lmao: Couldn't have made a better, more ironic reply to OP, but will try anyway.

 

MrDreamMerchant, take heart! You are growing and maturing emotionally as a real man, not the object for use they need so desperately for you to be. Continuing to repeat behavior in your life that is not producing the life you want for yourself is emotionally immature if not madness. You are on the edge of a great epiphany.

 

Men are brainwashed today with all kinds of bad messages about our failings and our duties. Unlike in the past, where the duties and qualities the community impressed in men, courage, honesty, diligence, fairness, fierceness in measure with compassion, community spirit etc., today, in feminized Western culture, the real manly virtues and duties have all been replaced with what Nietzsche would call "decadence" duties and qualities.

 

In short, the expectations of men in modern feminist and "church of the child" culture are that we perform as steadfast sperm donors and human wallets, invent something every now and then that is useful for women and children, perpetuate a vastly wasteful nesting/consumption culture, and in the meantime foster their absurd notions of fairytale love at all times; and if we don't submit to these duties willfully, from the first step of courtship to the blessed escape of death, we are categorized as selfish, misogynistic, narcissistic, together with all the vile "lowest common denominator" labels that they can muster, oppressor, deadbeat dad, rapist, abuser, patriarch, etc.

 

The deadening feeling you are experiencing is the first step of a massively powerful transformation, similar to the nausea Sartre's autodidact felt when the truth of nothingness, in all its overwhelming power, began to become evident to him. It's totally natural for that first hint of transformation to create some disorientation, some cognitive dissonance.

 

The cage door is creaking and beginning to crack for you, you have but to walk out the door.

 

And as others in the thread say more concisely, the supreme irony is that despite what cultural brainwashing has conditioned them to think they want, what you are actually becoming is what they really, truly want at heart. You are on the verge of having more success with women than you ever thought possible.

 

Pick the mic back up because you are the man.

Edited May 10, 2011 by sanskrit

[Mme. Chaucer]

courage, honesty, diligence, fairness, fierceness in measure with compassion, community spirit etc.,

 

These are the qualities I admire in a man, and strive for within myself. Please elucidate ways that Mr. Dream Merchant has demonstrated any of them. How do they square with behaving like a narcissistic douche, from your perspective?

 

feeling you are experiencing is the first step of a massively powerful transformation, similar to the nausea Sartre's autodidact felt when the truth of nothingness, in all its overwhelming power, began to become evident to him.

 

Haha. I think you might want to step away from using your perception of Existentialism to bolster your lame position regarding the dynamics between men and women; it's a "fail" - especially since Sartre's life partner, Simone de Beauvoir, was a seminal Feminist and together they crafted the basis of Existential Feminism.

 

Here is a quote from Ms. de Beauvoir that I think is pertinent to this thread, and many others here on LS:

 

No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Here's a simple truth:

 

If you, man or woman, are "against" caring about what someone else wants or needs ... you don't belong in any type of relationship, friendship included.

[Ms. Joolie]

In spite of my mispellings in haste, I was just as earnest in what I posted, too.

[CloudLiver]

Don't you have any actual life goals? Are you working towards those? Honestly, I think you coming to these forums is a waste of time.

 

I only come here because I feel like you're the only one who actually understands women here, but instead of seeing you evolve by saying something like:

 

"Well guys, I've started playing my guitar again. Getting to work on my first song. The women can wait a while."

 

I just see:

 

"Women are acting like [insert whatever you don't like]. Why can't they act like [however you want them to act]? Complain, complain, complain, etc., etc. etc...."

 

I think it's time for you to focus on what you want OUT OF LIFE now, not out of women. Trust me. The women you want (for relationships) are out there (very rare in America, but in other countries, they're everywhere). But whats the point if you're not doing something you love?

Edited May 10, 2011 by CloudLiver

[sanskrit]

These are the qualities I admire in a man, and strive for within myself. Please elucidate ways that Mr. Dream Merchant has demonstrated any of them. How do they square with behaving like a narcissistic douche, from your perspective?

 

MDM has been raised and thoroughly indoctrinated into modern feminist culture, which consists of women, free of any accountability whatsoever for their attitudes, words, and actions, demanding ever increasing accountability of men for their attitudes words and actions, both in the social and the legal realms. In modern femculture, peacocking behavior of men, courtship and jumping through hoops is more important than any real, legitimate qualities of men, as the ever popular "jerk wins, women are drawn to bad treatment," "bad boy," "women don't know what they want," threads prove in spades. The entire PUA culture that women so fondly deride here (despite not even knowing what it is let alone understanding it) has sprung up and become popular because... it... works by stirring up drama. All these threads, PUA culture, etc., distill neatly into modern accountability-free women's insatiable appetite for drama, and have little to do with the true, core qualities of the men in question.

 

So if MDM has become any sort of monster, it is because modern women have REQUIRED it of him, or rather all the social conditioning he has received has fed the illusion that his duty as a man where obtaining women's favors are concerned hinges on his ability to recreate himself as a drama-laden peacock rather than a man. So if, for the sake of argument, he has behaved as a narcissistic douche, it is at the behest of modern decadent femculture.

 

And finally, on this point, men learn rapidly that what women say they want, respect and desire in a man, and what they actually respond to in fat of the bellcurve land are entirely different things. I'm suggesting that MDM is taking the first step towards escaping the nonsensical fantasy land of meat of the bellcurve female land and becoming a truly discerning, hence more attractive man.

 

 

Haha. I think you might want to step away from using your perception of Existentialism to bolster your lame position regarding the dynamics between men and women; it's a "fail" - especially since Sartre's life partner, Simone de Beauvoir, was a seminal Feminist and together they crafted the basis of Existential Feminism.

 

1. The comparison between the autodidact's nausea and MDM's beginning to awaken was just a comparison of felt effects. Somehow I'm not surprised that you didn't grasp that.

 

2. Nor am I surprised that you want to avoid a discussion of feminized modern culture and make this about the "dynamics between men and women." Uttereroflies has already summed up the true dynamics between men and women succinctly, I'm talking about the cultural mistake that leads MDM down the wrong path, not how the dynamics work for the awakened, self-aware man who has rejected the noise of femculture.

 

3. Sartre's "life partner" :lmao: They weren't monogamous, were not married, did not have the obligatory children (that I am aware) and judged by today's femculture (and most certainly here on LS), JPS would be labelled as a narcissistic douchebag for those reasons alone. Moreover, SDB would be judged as oppressed in that her man refused her monogamy, marriage and children. SDB would most definitely NOT be a fan of modern femculture in the U.S. which is the very definition of bourgeoise ugliness. What you and many others fail to grasp is that the abomination that calls itself feminism today is merely a political power grab fulcrum for factional special interest groups despite its constant lip service to true feminists such as SDB.

 

Here is a quote from Ms. de Beauvoir that I think is pertinent to this thread, and many others here on LS:

 

And the quote sums up exactly what I am talking about. In the modern femculture and church of the child, any man who states that he will henceforward look out for his own interests as opposed to perpetually kissing women's asses is instantly labelled "arrogant," "aggressive" and "scornful," then his manhood is called into question... :lmao: Couldn't make this stuff up if I tried and thanks so much for illustrating my point so lucidly.

[threebyfate]

The opening post reads to me that since you haven't found the type of woman you really want, you've used other women for sex and are tired of hearing that they want more from you since you don't give a crap about them.

 

Bottom line, you don't respect women as people. You've created your own problems and are now bitching and whining about them. In treating women like shyte, they act like shyte. Hmmm...confirmation bias anyone?

 

But I doubt you'll understand since there's not much depth in you. And I doubt that you realize what your problems are, preferring to point the finger elsewhere.

[Mme. Chaucer]

modern feminist culture, which consists of women, free of any accountability whatsoever for their attitudes, words, and actions, demanding ever increasing accountability of men for their attitudes words and actions, both in the social and the legal realms. In modern femculture, peacocking behavior of men, courtship and jumping through hoops is more important than any real, legitimate qualities of men, as the ever popular "jerk wins, women are drawn to bad treatment," "bad boy," "women don't know what they want," threads prove in spades.

 

No, it doesn't. That's ignorant blather. Why don't you open up your mind and learn some new stuff rather than looking for any fodder you can skew to bolster your own biased perspective. That's so boring, and predictable here on LS. And so is the rest of your grandstanding post. Obviously you aren't used to having any type of discourse with educated people.

[sanskrit]

The opening post reads to me that since you haven't found the type of woman you really want, you've used other women for sex and are tired of hearing that they want more from you since you don't give a crap about them.

 

Bottom line, you don't respect women as people. You've created your own problems and are now bitching and whining about them. In treating women like shyte, they act like shyte. Hmmm...confirmation bias anyone?

 

But I doubt you'll understand since there's not much depth in you. And I doubt that you realize what your problems are, preferring to point the finger elsewhere.

 

QED

 

Of course, OP is a "user." The women who have traded what was supposedly no strings sex, that they presumably enjoyed too, for some other implied obligations on OP's part that he never agreed to, and isn't interested in assuming, are not accountable in any way, and don't have unreasonable expectations in the least.

 

QED

[threebyfate]

QED

 

Of course, OP is a "user." The women who have traded what was supposedly no strings sex, that they presumably enjoyed too, for some other implied obligations on OP's part that he never agreed to, and isn't interested in assuming, are not accountable in any way, and don't have unreasonable expectations in the least.

 

QED

Not interested in debating with you, meerkat. As a matter of fact, I'm not interested in debating in this thread.

 

What would be really cool is for the OP to sit down and really analyze himself, his actions, what he really wants in life, what he honestly needs from relationships and what really drives him.

 

Time and again, I keep repeating this. Your foundation creates the pattern for how your relationships work since where else do you learn about relationships? When I say foundation, it means how you were raised which is a combination of being actively told and also, by osmosis of how your parents or parent, treated each other or others including yourself within relationships.

[sanskrit]

Not interested in debating with you, meerkat. As a matter of fact, I'm not interested in debating in this thread.

 

Got news for you, tossing out random, unfair accusations and insults at an OP isn't "debate," regardless of how many women here on LS seem to think it is.

 

What would be really cool is for the OP to sit down and really analyze himself, his actions, what he really wants in life, what he honestly needs from relationships and what really drives him.

 

On this we agree, where I suspect we would disagree is as to the social and cultural conditioning that I have summarized earlier in the thread that has prevented him from doing so in the past.

 

Time and again, I keep repeating this. Your foundation creates the pattern for how your relationships work since where else do you learn about relationships? When I say foundation, it means how you were raised which is a combination of being actively told and also, by osmosis of how your parents or parent, treated each other or others including yourself within relationships.

 

As long as "foundation" includes the kinds of media messages, sociopolitical and legal climates, and peer behavior (of both genders) summarized earlier, I agree with this also.

[Ms. Joolie]

Time and again, I keep repeating this. Your foundation creates the pattern for how your relationships work since where else do you learn about relationships? When I say foundation, it means how you were raised which is a combination of being actively told and also, by osmosis of how your parents or parent, treated each other or others including yourself within relationships.

 

Included in that foundation is one's ideology of love developed over time not only by default (how one was raised, taught), but also how one formulates his/her own thoughts on love based on experience throughout life.

 

How one thinks and believes in love greatly influences their romantic life and their relationships.

[fishtaco]

mr.dream merchant - Do women want you even more because of this? Just wondering.

 

Anyway, maybe, just guessing here, this stems from something else. Nothing to do with women. I think there's something else you are unhappy about in your life. And you projected it on the crappiness of dating. Because, dating IS crappy. Women DO expect you to bend over backwards. Doesn't mean you should, but doesn't mean you shouldn't. It's a decision of who's worth it, and how much bending do they deserve. But my theory is that this has nothing to do with dating at all.

 

Yeah I'm with TBF. I think you need to sit down and do some soul searching. But my guesstimation, is that when you find out what it is, it probably has nothing to do with dating or women. So search also outside of dating and relationships.

 

My second guess, is that you're just tired. I have to put on a face when I date. It's tiring keeping that up. It's tiring trying to navigate between what's effective vs. what's morally acceptable. It's tiring to open up yet protect yourself at the same time. It's tiring to stick your neck out time after time and each instance, you have to brace yourself for impact. And it's tiring to keep trying, like pushing a large boulder up hill only to have it roll back down every time. So sometimes, I'd give up and take myself out of the dating scene completely. But the price to pay is when you step back in, you're starting from zero, and have to build up momentum again.

 

Anyway, just my thoughts. May or may not apply.

[threebyfate]

Included in that foundation is one's ideology of love developed over time not only by default (how one was raised, taught), but also how one formulates his/her own thoughts on love based on experience throughout life.

 

How one thinks and believes in love greatly influences their romantic life and their relationships.

Consider how people create their ideology of love. It starts at home then manifests during each relationship, where experiences tend to reinforce their opinion since many recreate what they find comfortable or recreate through foundational patterned reactions, what they believe is true.

[Ms. Joolie]

Consider how people create their ideology of love. It starts at home then manifests during each relationship, where experiences tend to reinforce their opinion since many recreate what they find comfortable or recreate through foundational patterned reactions, what they believe is true.

 

Ongoing experiences not only can reinforce, but can shatter and alter those opinions. As an adult especially, there comes a point where we begin choosing our own ideas - distinct from the past.

 

There is not only recreating these ideas from the past, but also creating new ideas for the present and future - distinct from the past.

 

I think we could be saying almost the same thing, only you might call it "recreation" and I would call it "creation".