youaretheone Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I have a girlfriend of 4 months. We really love each other but there is one problem that I have recently became aware of. Until now, I have been the only one to do the calling and contacting. Once I ran out of credits and she was "obliged" to call me but after a few days, she tells me "When are you buying credits?" and I reply "Why? Aren't you enjoying it when you call me?" and she responds "Yes but I am happy when you call me and text me.". Then I buy credits and then we are in the cycle of her never calling her again. It wasn't such a big deal before the relationship but now I feel like I am doing all the work and effort for her while she sits back and waits for me to call her. When I go a day withouth calling her, she sends a text or nothing at all, seeing that I haven't called. Am I wrong to expect her to call me once in a while and ask how my day was? I am planning to talk to her about it. What is the best way to bring it up so that she knows that I am bothered but takes no offence?
Datura Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Set up a compromise depending on communication frequency - she calls twice a week, you call every other day, she fills in the gaps, weekend calls are her domain, you are responsible for the week; whatever works.
Lilmisus Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 You're not wrong at all. I would say to tell her that you can't be the only one doing all the contacting here. This is a relationship, meaning that both of you put in work and effort. You call and text when you can, she calls when she can, that's the way it works. She likes it when you call, because it makes her feel special and more in control. But she needs to realize that she isn't the only person who needs to feel special and appreciated here, you do too.
Author youaretheone Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thank you both for the great advice. I am planning to bring it up tomorrow, hopefully without sounding upset or angry about it. Lilmisus, what I recognized is women love attention and being in control in a relationship but it is very rare that they notice that the guy has the same needs too. That's what I have observed so far.
Author youaretheone Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 I talked to her. She told me she misses me a lot. I told her "You know I would really appreciate if you called me even just to hear my voice or ask how my day is when you miss me. I would be ok with that." She says "Then I wouldn't stop talking all day long." and continues making excuses why she hasn't called me tonight and repeats a text she would send me at the end of the night. I stop her and say "Ok, your text sounds sweet but I am not only talking about tonight. That's fine with me as long as you know that you can call me once in a while. You remember telling me that it makes you happy when I call you? I beleive a relationship is more beatiful when both people are both happy and I also want you to enjoy calling me because I am not doing it as an obligation.". She apologizes and says she will do it. I hope it got the message across. We will see!
famke Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I talked to her. She told me she misses me a lot. I told her "You know I would really appreciate if you called me even just to hear my voice or ask how my day is when you miss me. I would be ok with that." She says "Then I wouldn't stop talking all day long." and continues making excuses why she hasn't called me tonight and repeats a text she would send me at the end of the night. I stop her and say "Ok, your text sounds sweet but I am not only talking about tonight. That's fine with me as long as you know that you can call me once in a while. You remember telling me that it makes you happy when I call you? I beleive a relationship is more beatiful when both people are both happy and I also want you to enjoy calling me because I am not doing it as an obligation.". She apologizes and says she will do it. I hope it got the message across. We will see! How is her behavoir in you relationship? She seems like a spoiled princess who needs attention. This might be a red flag. Is texting/calling the only problem or does she behave like this the rest of the time? Or maybe she just doesnt have much credits/money to call you.
Author youaretheone Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 How is her behavoir in you relationship? She seems like a spoiled princess who needs attention. This might be a red flag. Is texting/calling the only problem or does she behave like this the rest of the time? Or maybe she just doesnt have much credits/money to call you. Well, I should admit that she is insecure and seeks attention. But I don't know exactly what you mean by spoiled princess.
Recommended Posts