allie_lgh Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 My ex and I have had a veryyy messy breakup. We finally officially cut it off about 2 weeks ago after dragging it out for 5 months (together 4 yrs and engaged). We've been bumping into each other at the gym and ignoring each other. Still he's been stomping around when we see each other and it was making me really uncomfortable. Today I went up to him and just said, "It's making things really awkward to pretend we don't know each other here." "I don't think so works just fine for me" "*30 second pause*" "Ok, (then I smiled) If that's how you feel" and that was it. I get home from work tonight to find a short essay in my inbox. I can tell he's still hurting (even though he broke things this last time he sees me as the bad guy) but idk if I should respond with something small. "Thank you for the apology. I'm sorry too" I don't know. Any insight? PLEASE!!! I'm sorry for the way I acted at the gym. You're right, it was a bit childish. You see, I've just been having a bad day. I currently found out that the one person I've desperately been trying to escape, is actually going to be right where I am, three thousand miles away, at the same time as me. Not that I didn't expect it, just that I really wished that those plans had changed. I don't mean for this message to come off as hostile, but do you not remember that you were the one who cut off contact with me in the first place? You were the one who said she needed time away. You were the one who deleted me from your phone. And with the coupe de gras, decide to tell me how well you're doing and how you're moving on, while I'm ****ing still destroyed, wrecked, and ****ing miserable every day just trying to find some way to get the **** over this. I have been in the most profound and disturbing pain of my life, to the point where I just become either apathetic or enraged most of the time. I can't see you, or think of you, without hurt and disdain pouring out from the core of me. I told you I would never get over this, I would never move on, and I wont, not because I don't want to, but because I have been betrayed. Not by any person in particular, just by the entire concept of love and devotion and everything else I gave my heart to. Now I have to rearrange everything in my life just to feel ****ing normal, a process set in motion by the worst two ****ing days of my life, where I had to leave the person I loved more than anything. Through out you have tried to remain level headed, and I appreciate that, but you have also helped guide this bipolar roller coaster of mixed up emotion and suspicion and skepticism and all out dubiousness. You bring me from high to low in a split second, and this is usually where people say "I wish you were never born", but the fact is, I really wish it were I that was never born. I'd rather have never existed at all than existed only to rot from the inside out. This message wasn't meant to hurt or offend you, just to show you my perspective and why it is I need you away from me. You chose the path I have to walk down, and all this time I was just waiting until the day I could fly home to CT and forget things for a while, but it'll be just as bad knowing you're a town over as it is knowing you're right down the ****ing street. Having you as close to me as you were at the gym confuses me on whether I want to toss you out the door, or hug you like I've lost something precious. Of course I have more than enough restraint that I can refrain from doing either, but still the feeling swells up inside of me, and I am left enraged again. I wanted to marry you. I genuinely wanted to spend my life with you. I wanted to love you always. But all that has taken a dramatic shift in the opposite direction, and I am ****ing writhing with animosity that I have to go through this daily, and then to remember the one person I confided in can't be there to help, it kills me. I would never do anything to physically hurt myself, in fact I'm trying to do the exact opposite... but I feel like I should be as dead to you as I am to love. Love has no home here anymore, no place in my heart, no potential for the future. It was a disease that I remedied and it took the almost everything from me, and I will never go through that again, especially when I can't even bare to see the face of that which it was devoted so humbly to. to reiterate, I am sorry for how I acted at the gym, because a man should no act so bitterly. All I have left are my values, the only thing keeping me within the realm of morality, and I clearly violated those by so outwardly treating you contemptuously. However, you should know where I stand, and do with it what you will. I hope you forget me. Bye.
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Find another gym. Find another way. Find another life. Move away, move on and separate yourself from him as far as you can. And don't tell me it can't be done, it can. You're split up. So - split. Reply by saying: "Thank you for your letter. I understand, and see your point. I wish you well and hope that both you and I can move on maturely and successfully. Have a good life. be well." That's it. And then, never see him or speak to him again.
Author allie_lgh Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 but that isn't what I want. I want to be with him, even if I know that can't happen with him feeling the way he does. I just want whats best for him right now, what will make it easiest to walk away from me and stop feeling this way...
smudge21 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I agree with the move on statement but to reply with just a few lines after he's poured his heart out just seems so wrong to me. I've been there (not the situation, but the long email sorta thing) and to have a basic "yeah, okay, sorry too, goodbye" reply after saying so much can really hurt. I don't know the background to your break-up and every situation is different, but after reading that email I'd be tempted to reply in kind. Something equally as detailed, expressing how you honestly feel about everything. He's clearly connected to you enough to say so much so if you feel the same, respond the same. I do agree that time apart is best but at least go out having cleared the air between you both. Like I said, I've been there - long email to an ex and a basic two line reply. That just ****ed me off so much back then but at least I saw her in a true light and never spoke to her again. Best thing too looking back. It all comes down to how you broke up, what were the reasons, who's fault (both?) and ultimately would you like a second chance; is the chance for a second chance; would you expect to be friends eventually over time.
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 but that isn't what I want. I want to be with him, even if I know that can't happen with him feeling the way he does. So? Your only choice right now is to therefore comply, because much as you want it, he doesn't. And you can't shift this or fix it for him. I just want whats best for him right now, what will make it easiest to walk away from me and stop feeling this way... I just told you. If you REALLY want what's best for him, then read my post again. All you need to do, is right there.
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