punch to the gut

[fleur_de_me]

So, I'm finishing up my last few weeks of grad school before summer, and was feeling pretty good about things. I'm going back to NY for the summer (where my ex is) and was thinking about breaking NC after 6 months since I was feeling like I was ready to re-open communication and at least be friends.

 

Some quick background- we broke up last year a few weeks before I went away to grad school, it was a shock because I thought we were going to make it work through the distance. Our relationship had been really great up to that point, and it came as a surprise to everyone, his friends/family included.

 

I went NC for a few months but saw him in October- he took off from work to be with me when I came to town, but I got sick and it got all weird. I went NC again after that. After I heard some stuff from his friends around Christmas (and the fact that he didn't show up to a mutual friend's Christmas party because I was going to be there), I decided to continue strict NC.

 

He emailed me in February and March- I didn't respond because it was "breadcrumbs" and I was trying to stay focused on school and enjoying life. I didn't hear anything else from him.

 

Anyway- today I got a text from one of his friends (who is also one of my good friends, although it was his friend first). He sent me a text to find out when I'd be back in New York, and to let me know that he and his wife got a new house and I should come by and visit them when I get to town. Then he ended it with "Sorry I couldn't invite you to the baby shower, I guess you know why."

 

It was like I'd been kicked- while I understand, it hurt really badly to think that he absolutely doesn't want me around, even our mutual friends. There was NEVER any drama between us, no weird fighting or major breakdowns or anything like that.

 

Anyway- I guess now my plans to call of NC and try to casually meet up are probably toast. For whatever reason, despite the fact that he was like "I always want to see you, you'll always be someone important to me, I would do anything for you" when we broke up, now it seems like he wishes I don't exist.

 

I am actually worried I can't handle going back to New York this summer, except I have the most amazing summer job I don't want to give up.

 

It feels so bad, and I just don't get it. I thought it was a simple case of GIGS and if I left him alone we'd be OK. I don't understand what is going on here.