Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Between the broke, living at home, and good looking v. avg threads it has occurred to me that a good number of people have the same simple issue: I want to date those more desirable than me to the dating public, but they won't give me a chance and if they do they do not treat me well (because I they have many more options to easily replace you) I don't want to date those less desirable than me to the dating public and I wish they would stop bothering me. It is a simple dating pyramid issue. Most everyone prefers to date up than down the desirability scale and there are progressively fewer people as you approach the top. Multi-dating means that the higher up you are on the pyramid the more options you have to date as desirability to the opposite sex involves fairly stable characteristics (looks, wealth, social skills, etc). Thus, you can either look to date as high up as you can go or play with as many as you want below you. If you are at the bottom this really sucks.
FrostFire Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 So stop shooting for the drop dead attractive ladies that have 1,000's of guys after them (they know they do which makes it that much harder for you) and see if there are some unique characteristics with the ones more on your level. They may not be the prettiest or sexually attractive at first but looks are only part of that attraction. It is my belief that you grow more attracted to a partner that matches you on so many more levels than just sexual attraction. They are out there and you just have to be patient. The higher level women have no idea the kinds of guys they are missing out on because they are also kind of in the same mindset. Ahhh well, their loss is what I have to say to them.
orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I want to date those more desirable than me to the dating public, but they won't give me a chance and if they do they do not treat me well (because I they have many more options to easily replace you) I don't want to date those less desirable than me to the dating public and I wish they would stop bothering me. Can you explain what is 'less desirable'?
mr.dream merchant Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 So basically go for uglier people? Lmao, no thanks.
Author Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Can you explain what is 'less desirable'? Well, if you are a hetero female, I would assume the most desirable men are those that are physically attractive, independent, educated, and wealthy. As you begin to remove these traits, one becomes progressively less desirable to the opposite sex. Less desirable is a relative thing. However, generally it means a man that is less educated than you, makes less money, is less attractive than you perceive yourself to be to the opposite sex, etc.
orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Well, if you are a hetero female, I would assume the most desirable men are those that are physically attractive, independent, educated, and wealthy. As you begin to remove these traits, one becomes progressively less desirable to the opposite sex. Less desirable is a relative thing. However, generally it means a man that is less educated than you, makes less money, is less attractive than you perceive yourself to be to the opposite sex, etc. Let me ask you something. Would you date a girl who is 300lbs, covered with zits, rough hair, school drop out, and isn't doing anything with her life?
Author Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 So basically go for uglier people? Lmao, no thanks. Never said that.
Author Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Let me ask you something. Would you date a girl who is 300lbs, covered with zits, rough hair, school drop out, and isn't doing anything with her life? No, but I don't have to. I have to many more desirable females than that willing to date me. Again, this is taking it to extremes.
orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 No, but I don't have to. I have to many more desirable females than that willing to date me. Again, this is taking it to extremes. LOL..............tr_ll. OK I'm unsubscribing this thread.
Author Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 LOL..............tr_ll. OK I'm unsubscribing this thread. Yup, I am the the troll. It is clear that everyone here complaining about not finding anyone suitable to date only has 300lb, zit covered, rough haired, school drop outs that are not doing anything with their life to choose from.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Over the years, I have learned exactly what my "level" is and only go for those guys. It mostly doesn't work in the long run (only 'cause statistical probability says that most relationship fail anyway) but at least they are willing to give me a shot. If I see a guy that is 9/10 on the looks scale - I ignore him just like I would ignore someone that's 1/2.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't see it as clearly as what the OP has written. While women are attracted to independant wealth and education and looks etc. The threads that inspired him don't really represent that. A man living in a home with his parents can be all of that. The assumption that was being made is that a man living with his parents is being supported by his parents. Which is by no means true. Many people have an elderly mother or father or both who can't really take care of themselves. They don't want to put them in a home so they live with them. Why is that such a hard concept for most people to wrap their brains around?
Ross MwcFan Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I'm definatley willing to date girls who are considered to be at the bottom, but I must be at the bottom myself since I'm not able to get girls at the bottom.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't want to date someone who's 300 pounds, covered with zits, and a high school dropout, because I can't relate (being that I'm not.) I am 210 pounds, I have very good hygiene, and I'm a college student working towards a degree, so we wouldn't be compatible. Not to mention that I don't find women that heavy attractive. That being said, I would date someone who's 210 pounds, a college student, and a bit nerdy, if I liked her and she liked me. I am not aiming for the supermodels, I know they're out of my league. I would settle for average, because I AM average. However, I won't settle for unattractive.
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I love nerdy girls, but my cut off on the weight for average height (5'4 - 5'8) is about 150-160. At the same time, getting under 120 starts getting too thin for me real quick. I'm tall and slim, and have my preferences. What can I say. I dated a girl a with serious acne problem when I met her. I was more attracted to her personality than her looks, but she was cute. She eventually got some medicine to clear up her acne after we were dating for a few months and looked great. I didn't tell her to do it but she did look better and felt good about herself. She was going to college though, not a high school dropout.
Author Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Whatever your personal preferences, the point to remember is that they are arbitrary cutoffs. You are more than welcome to stay single is no one appeals to you, but remember that you are single because you have not met anyone that meets your standards rather than say that there is no one out there. An important part of dating is getting a feel for your local dating market, seeing who you appeal to , and either adjusting your expectation for a partner or improving yourself so that you are more competitive to those you want to date. Having been in a number of dating markets with different things to offer with women I have to constantly remind myself of this. For example, I cannot expect to get women with the same level of attractiveness as I did when I was a 21 year old personal trainer with six pack abs. I have gained weight and need to shoot for more average women because I am more average. On the other hand I am more educated and a better earner, so I can go after women who are the same.
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Totally agree Sanman. Here's a story, that I think relates to what you are saying. I was out dancing the other night. And this one woman was very charismatically attractive. We danced a little. She was definitely not model material in the face, but cute body, not really thin. Well, the band finished playing and we started chatting a little bit. Then we stopped and I was sidetracked. Then I noticed she was hugging one of the guys in the band. So I went over and started talking to her girlfriend who she left alone. Then the huggy session ended pretty quick when Mr. Rocker had to be on his way. So then she just comes right over and butts in with me chatting with her friend. And then with the charisma I just naturally started paying more attention to her again. I guess she was slightly better looking than her friend. However, it was the personality that made the huge difference. Strangely I think I would stand a better chance of making it work long term with the more reserved friend. So, not sure how this plugs into your dating pyramid, but I think it speaks a little to the dating down/up thing. And to the many people on this board that think it's all about the looks, not true. The hotness is of course far from only a looks thing. But everyone needs to realize what they are getting into with the hot ones. Edited May 10, 2011 by guy777
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 a little more. . .I had already asked someone for their number earlier and was shutdown, so as it was getting closer to closing time I wasn't really feeling it . . So when I was leaving I said, "Well, see you ladies next time". . and the hotter one says "maybe".
Author Sanman Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Guy777, In the dating desirability pyramind, it would look like this: Rocker Charisma Girl You Reserved friend In the end everyone went home alone. Charisma girl probably was annoyed that rocker boy left. You were annoyed that charisma girl didn't really work out. Reserved friend is probably annoyed that cuter more socially desirable charisma girl at least got a guy who likes her. Everyone is unhappy. That was a conscious decision on everyone's part. Charisma girl is keeping you as a backup just as you used reserved friend as a backup option after charisma girl left. Now because rocker guy is higher up, he could likely get charisma girl or reserved friend if he wanted either (or both). However, there is probably an even hotter chick he is working on because he has the most options. Charisma girl may be going after him because he is more desirable to her than her other options. You chose charisma girl because she was the best option and reserved girl may have found you to be one her best options. Charisma girl is likely keeping you as a backup which is why nothing more than a fling is likely to come of it. However, reserved girl would probably be interested in dating you. Now, the mistake comes in if you assume that your level is only charisma girl and stubbornly wait around for only others like her because she talked to you, dated you, had a fling with you, etc. If she is the one who leaves, you were not desirable to her and that is where you stand with her and similar others. To put this another way, successful daters are only as picky as their real life options. Rarely does anyone not choose their most appealing option. I have never heard anyone say this guy/girl is attractive, wealthy, and treats me well, but I am going to go for this equally or less attractive person with less going for them. They may choose someone who treats them better or has a better job over looks, but that just means they prioritize a different trait as more desirable. Edited May 10, 2011 by Sanman
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 A good assessment overall Sanman, but can I tell you about a few more people so I'm not in the lower 50th percentile? j/k That's the ego talking that I'm not sure does anyone favors in this area.
sanskrit Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) In the end everyone went home alone. Really? guy777 is the only one who went home alone. Charismagirl and reserved girl met up with rockerguy later and either had a threesome or reservedgirl hooked up and had sex with one of the other guys in the band. Next week, guy777 will get reservedgirl's number from a mutual acquaintance, call and ask her out. Reservedgirl, having no BBD at the time, will accept. Early on the night of the date, rockerguy will make a bootycall on charismagirl asking her to come to a gig and hook up again later. Charismagirl will ask reservedgirl to cancel her date with guy777 and come to the gig and party afterwards. As this represents a BBD to reservedgirl, she will cancel with guy777 using the lame excuse that she "forgot" that she had previous plans with charismagirl. They go to the gig, hook up afterwards, but this time whatever band member screws reservedgirl, in a psychotic cocaine/meth induced rage, will kick reservedgirl out of the house and lock the door. Reservedgirl, crying, will then text guy777 asking what's up and can she call? Guy777 will wait 3 seconds to respond to her text, and then call her. Reservedgirl will cry that she has been left by charismagirl out, and can guy777 come and pick her up. Guy777 will dash out of the house to rescue reservedgirl, pick her up, and console her hysterical mood (she did some blow/meth too but of course guy777 doesn't know this and thinks she is just emotional). Reservedgirl will then kiss guy777 at her door and tell him he is her knight in shining armor. Guy777 goes to bed alone but all warm fuzzy despite the very real chance that he is going to sleep with another man's semen on his lips. Next day, charismagirl will call reservedgirl, tell her that cokeymeth band member is really sorry for how he acted, and can she give him a second chance. Of course she will because cokeymeth is still the BBD. That night, another party at rockerguy's house, everyone gets laid, buzzed and happy. Guy777 calls and texts reservedgirl 5 times from home as the night wears on, and as reservedgirl is letting cokeymeth band dude do another line off her ass between blowjobs. Reservedgirl will continue to take guy777s calls, may even start dating and sleeping with him, but the minute cokeymeth shows any interest, she will "start to lose feelings inexplicably" for guy777, and will come here and post that she has the "greatest boyfriend" but feels guilty about the other guy in the picture (omitting the gorier details of course) In the above scenario I've been both rockerguy and guy777 enough times over the last 30 years to know... if I'm lying I'm dying. This is -exactly- how the "attraction ladder" works for the average guy. The only constant in these scenarios is that the women always get laid, and always have emotional support from a network of "supply guy" chumps. Your choice as a man as to which you allow yourself to be, and which you refuse to be. Cynical I know but a given reality today. Edited May 10, 2011 by sanskrit
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yep sanskirt, I was going to mention that I didn't think it was likely they went home alone, which was my first thought on reading. And further, I'm a "nice guy", but I have enough of and edge that I would only let Charisma Girl play me like that, not Reserved Friend. I would know she was doing it, and continue letting her. And that's why I haven't found a LTR recently.
sanskrit Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 And further, I'm a "nice guy", but I have enough of and edge that I would only let Charisma Girl play me like that, not Reserved Friend. Didn't mean to imply such, was just using your handle as you laid out the scenario But whether we realize it or not, we have all been in the same kind of scenario more than we know or really want to know.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Your choice as a man as to which you allow yourself to be, and which you refuse to be. Cynical I know but a given reality today. Personally, I wouldn't choose to be anyone from the scenario. They all seem like they're big losers.
guy777 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 No prob, your story is cynical, but too bad there is so much truth in it.
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