Do I have the right to be disappointed in my friend due to her lack of self-respect?

[discreetthinker]

My best friend has recently been "experimenting" In the sense that, she was this innocent girl that I met last year (she was a freshman in college) and she came from a traditional family. We clicked a lot because of our similar upbringing. But this year, she decided to experiment. Which is fine, you know, we all do it. For one thing, she was completely drunk, and stayed the night at a guys house who she thought she trusted. She was so drunk, so she let him feel her up or whatever. She confessed to him that he liked him but he didn't like her back. She told me later that at that time it "felt right" because she had feelings for him. Obviously he wasn't a true friend. After that, she made out with a guy that she knew was into her, but she just wanted to make out with him for experience. Fine. That's okay. BUT NOW, I feel like she took it too far. She was sober, but at a party, one guy who was DRUNK took her home and they did not have sex, but they did other sexual things. I just feel like she really crossed the line, and I'm really disappointed in her because he was DRUNK she had the choice to not go home with him but she DID. I know she wants to experiment, but I feel like she's losing her self-respect that way. SHE KNOWS that there are guys who only want THIS. Yet she lets them do it. She of course told him that sex was not the option.BUT still, the things that did happen that night should not have happened, and I am actually disappointed in her, but I want to be supportive too. She honestly wasn't like this before and had a lot more self-respect than these days. Do I have the right to be disappointed? I want to let her do what she wants cause she has every right too...but I feel sad that she's behaving this way. Should I say something? Or remain silent? I don't know what her reasoning behind this is. Should I be more open-minded? I am trying to be, but it's hard.

[SpiralOut]

It sounds like you are worried about her. This is probably just a phase she is going through. How long the phase will last, there is no way to tell.

 

I am not sure that I would tell her you are disappointed in her. Unless you are patting her hand or pretending to be excited when she tells you about all these things, she is probably smart enough to see that you don't approve of what she is doing. I do think it would be okay for you to show that you are worried about her safety (for example, if she is going home with strangers).

 

At the end of the day her sex life is her own personal business, but of course you know that. This might not seem degrading to her at all. Maybe all she wants men for is sex. If it's okay for men to want just sex, then it's okay for women to just want it too and it is possible that that is what she's thinking.

 

It's good that she trusts you enough to tell you what is going on. Someday she might need you to be there for her if something goes wrong or if she suddenly regrets what she's doing.

[discreetthinker]

I suppose you are right! Just because I believe in something, doesn't mean she is going to either. My values are probably different from her values. My perspective on what "self-respect" is, is probably different from hers. Its hard, but I will try my best to accept her for whatever decisions she chooses and whatever path she crosses...as long as she's safe and not hurt by her decisions. I do know that for her, everything is a learning experience...so perhaps this will help her grow and figure herself out?