clemsonbelle425 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 For those of you that are interested (I really appreciate every single one of you that reads my post--it really means a lot that you care), here is my story. I am in love with my boyfriend. He is 29, & I just turned 28. He says he is in love with me and loves me lots. We have been together 2 years. He is a free-spirit type of person which is one thing that I love about him. He is a basejumper and a skydiver. He even introduced me to skydiving & I loved it & just graduated the student program and am doing it on our own. We bring out the best in one another. We have shared so many adventures together. Well recently he brought up the topic of us living together. He said we might as well progress our relationship & see what happens, but that it wasn't for sure yet that he wanted to live together. Well, he backed out. Said he wasn't ready & did not want to give up his privacy. We are both honest with each other. We see each other about every other day & he is honest that on our days apart he does look at a good deal of porn. I have told him that I accept it as part of his sexual expression. Basically he saves pictures of hundreds of naked girls on his computer. I have come to accept it. I asked him after he backed out from living with me if it was because of the porn, and he said no. I reiterated that I accept it. In the meantime, I am looking to advance my own life. I have an awesome job and am looking to buy my own condo. He says he does not know if he ever wants to get married or have children. I desire this for our future and want to know our relationship is going somewhere. He knows this and we have talked about within the last 2 weeks. I wrote him a letter stating my hopes & dreams for our future. Sometimes it is easier to communicate for me in writing. I don't know if I should go ahead and give it to him or wait & see what happens. Truly I believe he is insecure. He is always asking me "why do you hate me?" & things like that. Of course I tell him I love him lots and lots. He asks me this sometimes over & over 20 times. I think it is a game of his, but I think he wants the reassurance. I enjoy telling him over & over that I love him. Any girls or guys who could give me advice would be well-appreciated! I love him and I never want to be with anyone else, but I want to know our relationship is going somewhere. Do you think he will ever want to settle down with me?
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 This set off an alarm for me: Well recently he brought up the topic of us living together. He said we might as well progress our relationship & see what happens, I understand you can't predict the future but if he really said it as casually as you put it like "well let's see if this works" it doesn't sound like an idea he's really into. This is how people get married and divorced because they live together and just figure - well, we live together...might as well get married...nothing else left to do. No - no bueno! He also backed out. So that shows you he most certainly isn't ready. He says he does not know if he ever wants to get married or have children. It's good he's honest with you and not faking a future with you in order to shut you up but....he could be on the fence about kids and marriage for a long time...maybe forever. Is that what you want? Are you willing to give that up and wait for it without resenting him3, 5, 10 years from now? If not then it will lead to ruin. I was in a similar situation as you. I loved the guy - I really did and it was hard as all hell to let go but I don't regret it. I'm sure I would have been waiting for a long time and I didn't want to hurt the both of us by pretending to "accept him as he was" when in reality I was just waiting for him to change. That's toxic.
musemaj11 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Is he in a better financial position than you? If yes then he is probably just being smart and keeping his options open.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Truly I believe he is insecure. He is always asking me "why do you hate me?" & things like that. Of course I tell him I love him lots and lots. He asks me this sometimes over & over 20 times. I think it is a game of his, but I think he wants the reassurance. I enjoy telling him over & over that I love him. Any girls or guys who could give me advice would be well-appreciated! I love him and I never want to be with anyone else, but I want to know our relationship is going somewhere. Do you think he will ever want to settle down with me? Everything was ok with me, just a regular case of non-committment, but THE BOLDED PART ABOVE STUCK UP A HUUUUUUUGE RED FLAG!!!! This goes way beyond mere insecurity. I'm not certain exactly what it means, but it definitely does NOT bode well for your relationship. And no, I don't think he will ever want to settle down with you. If a guy is uncertain about a long future with you after two years, most likely he will never be sure.
utterer of lies Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Something is clearly off in the relationship if he doesn't want to move together after 2 years.
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