Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 and I keep seeing things that remind me of my ex-fiancee. I see a car that looks like hers and it starts to eat me up. I see a girl that looks like her on the street and I want to go talk to her. How long will this last? I can't go anywhere without being reminded of her. This sucks.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 and I keep seeing things that remind me of my ex-fiancee. I see a car that looks like hers and it starts to eat me up. I see a girl that looks like her on the street and I want to go talk to her. How long will this last? I can't go anywhere without being reminded of her. This sucks. I would change the way you are thinking about things. You just recently saw her so it’s all fresh. Try not to think about her. Try hard.
Author Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Actually, this has been happening since we've broken up, and that was in January.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Actually, this has been happening since we've broken up, and that was in January. Well you start the healing process all over again when you saw her, which was like a day ago. I realize you wish things would have worked out and this was a person you loved and were engaged to, but this was also a person you dumped because you knew it wouldn’t work out. I would just actively try to stop thinking about her.
Author Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Sigh. It sucks knowing that I can have her if I wish, but I know that I can't be with her. It's like she's right there - she's in my grasp, but when I try and grab what I want, I can't have it. It sucks wanting something you can't have. Why is life so unfair at times?
nana841121 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Distance can do little to help. Don't push yourself too hard. Have a little faith in yourself that you will get over her one day. right now, do nothing.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 She sounds like a great girl. Problem is things got so bad between you that you couldn’t take it anymore. If you were having this much trouble now you would have never made it through a marriage and kids. Get over her and you will find the right person for you. Once you’re over her you will also be able to look back fondly on the old relationship with out getting swept up in it and forgetting why you broke up with her. Work hard at not thinking about her. Busy yourself. If you catch yourself thinking about her just start thinking about something else. You can do this.
nana841121 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yes, getting over her means that you forgive and forget her. No hate, no resent, no any negative aura.
Author Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks for the responses, Dust and nana841121 - it means a lot. And Dust, she was a great girl, I just could never get over her extensive sexual history (as you know, people with BPD tend to be more promiscuous). She lied about her past because she thought that I wouldn't accept her if I knew the truth. I still don't know the exact number of guys she slept with, all I know is that it was over 20 - it broke my heart when I found this out, and at the time, I wasn't very understanding of her condition. Her past was always on my mind, and this was one of the main reasons I ended up breaking the engagement. Some may say it's a stupid reason to break up with someone, but I simply couldn't accept her past and get over it. Don't get me wrong, I tried for several months, but she wouldn't really do much to help me (there was little she could do anyway). I told her to not go back to that lifestyle when I broke up with her, but I think she honestly can't control herself. Perhaps it's not her fault that she can't control herself when it comes to having sex with people, but it's damaging to her and it breaks my heart. I do try and keep myself busy all the time, but I get exhausted mentally trying to completely shut her out of my life. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever been with, and I'm glad I had the honor to make her mine. I am more thankful that she was willing to spend her entire life with me - I just wish that I would've been able to grow old with her. She's wrote me countless poems, letters, and has even made me a movie about how much she loves me. The only thing she really lied to me was about her past, and it's understandable because she was afraid of me leaving her for this. It's not excusable, but it is understandable. Sorry if I'm being redundant, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening and responding, guys, it's very appreciated.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks for the responses, Dust and nana841121 - it means a lot. And Dust, she was a great girl, I just could never get over her extensive sexual history (as you know, people with BPD tend to be more promiscuous). She lied about her past because she thought that I wouldn't accept her if I knew the truth. I still don't know the exact number of guys she slept with, all I know is that it was over 20 - it broke my heart when I found this out, and at the time, I wasn't very understanding of her condition. Her past was always on my mind, and this was one of the main reasons I ended up breaking the engagement. Some may say it's a stupid reason to break up with someone, but I simply couldn't accept her past and get over it. Don't get me wrong, I tried for several months, but she wouldn't really do much to help me (there was little she could do anyway). I told her to not go back to that lifestyle when I broke up with her, but I think she honestly can't control herself. Perhaps it's not her fault that she can't control herself when it comes to having sex with people, but it's damaging to her and it breaks my heart. I do try and keep myself busy all the time, but I get exhausted mentally trying to completely shut her out of my life. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever been with, and I'm glad I had the honor to make her mine. I am more thankful that she was willing to spend her entire life with me - I just wish that I would've been able to grow old with her. She's wrote me countless poems, letters, and has even made me a movie about how much she loves me. The only thing she really lied to me was about her past, and it's understandable because she was afraid of me leaving her for this. It's not excusable, but it is understandable. Sorry if I'm being redundant, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening and responding, guys, it's very appreciated. Of course she was the most attractive girl you had ever been with you almost made her your wife. I personally don’t think being with 20 guys sounds that bad. I had just assumed you were fighting a lot about something else because of her BPD. Well what ever the case you couldn’t get over the way things had gone and lost trust in her. When you break up with some one you just have to stop thinking of them.
Author Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Of course she was the most attractive girl you had ever been with you almost made her your wife. I personally don’t think being with 20 guys sounds that bad. I had just assumed you were fighting a lot about something else because of her BPD. Well what ever the case you couldn’t get over the way things had gone and lost trust in her. When you break up with some one you just have to stop thinking of them. Perhaps it's not that bad, but when you're constantly being reminded of her past sexual lovers, it really starts to piss you off. For example, pictures everywhere of them, the songs that she would listen to were ALL ABOUT SEX, and she still talks to them. I don't know, I just hate the thought of my wife being with so many people before me. I was willing to work with her and make it work, but she wasn't doing her part to completely rid them.
Author Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Also, I wanted to add that my schoolwork was being affected by her past - so that's not good at all. It wasn't until I broke up with her that I was able to completely clear my mind of her sexual history, and it felt great not having to think about all that bull****.
Dust Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Perhaps it's not that bad, but when you're constantly being reminded of her past sexual lovers, it really starts to piss you off. For example, pictures everywhere of them, the songs that she would listen to were ALL ABOUT SEX, and she still talks to them. I don't know, I just hate the thought of my wife being with so many people before me. I was willing to work with her and make it work, but she wasn't doing her part to completely rid them. My girlfriend knows better then to mention any of her ex’s to me. She had a picture of an ex at her place and some pics on facebook. I asked her to take her ex’s pics off facebook and put away her exs pics. I don’t mind if she keeps pictures of her ex, I just don’t want to see it around the house or on her facebook. I would not be cool with her having phone calls or internet communications with her ex. So, if you’re gf was doing these things I understand why you dumped her. I agree its painful dumping some one you care so much about, but if you just work hard at not thinking about her you will get over this. If she calls, writes, etc, do not respond or answer. You can do this, you’ll be feeling much better next month. What State did you move to by the way?
Author Desensitized Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I moved to California. I already told her that I was completely shutting her out of my life when we last met, and that contacting me would be a waste of time - so I think she got the point because she hasn't bothered contacting me. She told me that she wanted me to not do this and to just be "nice" to her, but I didnt say anything to that.
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