Lilmisus Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Something that is slowly but surely wearing me down, is looking up and seeing my ex watching me..then look away. Two minutes later, I look up again, he's looking at me again. This has been going on since I've started not talking to him two weeks ago, but the past couple of days it's become more and more obvious and annoying. It happens all the time now. Today, he stood right outside of our restaurant, smoking, for about five minutes. I at first thought he was waiting for someone and didn't really think anything of it, but then I noticed that he kept walking around and kept looking into the window at me (no one else was around, even outside). Then..when the door opened and a couple came in, and I saw him standing there watching me, he turned, walked to his car and left. He's never done that before. Typically, he gets off the clock and leaves, but today he hung around for about twenty minutes just talking to everyone and staying near the front, where I was at. I don't know if he was purposely staying up there for me, and I'm trying not to look too much into it, but it's hard not to. I'm just curious. Why on earth is he doing this? Does he want me to go insane? Does he want me back? Does he think I'm watching him, and so now I've caught his interest and he's watching me? Part of me wonders if he is expecting me to quit all this and just beg him to be apart of my life again? Regardless, that's not going to happen. It's just making it so much more difficult to just not think about him like I was trying to do by not talking to him at all. I was hoping that by cutting off our talking at work that it would help me move on, but instead it's driving me crazy. Not only the watching me all the time, but also the fact that he's always talking to my closest friends for 5-10 minutes at a time, and making it to where I avoid talking to them..just to avoid him. This is so exhausting. Should I just give up trying to go NC while working together, and try to be "friends" with him again? Even if it's not a sincere friendship? Maybe then the watching me will stop..but I don't know. I just know that I feel like I'm obsessing over this way more than I should be, and I don't want to be doing that..at all. What to do?
ramathorne Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Don't give up NC. It seems to be bothering him, so keep it up. Let him live with his decision.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Don't give up NC. It seems to be bothering him, so keep it up. Let him live with his decision. It seems like it is, yes, but his words said otherwise. He told me that he's over me and moving on with his life two weeks ago, and that was enough for me to want to move on with my life and to attempt NC best I could. But this is just driving me insane. It's not even so much the watching me part; it's the constant worry of where he is and trying to avoid him at all costs part. Then, in the midst of trying to avoid him, we catch eye contact and he doesn't let go. I'm bending over backwards for this guy by doing so, when I only want to stop worrying about him. It's so incredibly frustrating, giving him all this power over me. Enough to make me wonder if I'm making the right choice here or not.
Fufu Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Keep up to your NC. Him doing all those action can mean a lot, don't over analyze his actions. Ask yourself, if you really can be his friends? And do you really want a friendship that is not genuine and sincere?
ramathorne Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It seems like it is, yes, but his words said otherwise. He told me that he's over me and moving on with his life two weeks ago, and that was enough for me to want to move on with my life and to attempt NC best I could. But this is just driving me insane. It's not even so much the watching me part; it's the constant worry of where he is and trying to avoid him at all costs part. Then, in the midst of trying to avoid him, we catch eye contact and he doesn't let go. I'm bending over backwards for this guy by doing so, when I only want to stop worrying about him. It's so incredibly frustrating, giving him all this power over me. Enough to make me wonder if I'm making the right choice here or not. Don't even pay attention to his words at this point. Either he is trying to play games with you to screw with your head, or something is on his mind. Either way he has to be the one to "make the first move". He seems to be weak right now, and you seem to be strong. Hold your head high!
Author Lilmisus Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Don't even pay attention to his words at this point. Either he is trying to play games with you to screw with your head, or something is on his mind. Either way he has to be the one to "make the first move". He seems to be weak right now, and you seem to be strong. Hold your head high! Well, I know that two days ago him and the little girlfriend he left me for were fighting, again. Over what, I have no clue, and I don't really want to know, but part of me wonders if fighting with her made him think about me again..? Or if he's not as happy with her as he tried to make me believe he was? I don't know. But it's hard not to wonder if that has something to do with this, at all. Though I must admit, it feels good to be the one in control of the not talking, even if it is incredibly hard to do. Thankfully I wont have to see him till Friday..get my mind more clear till then.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Keep up to your NC. Him doing all those action can mean a lot, don't over analyze his actions. Ask yourself, if you really can be his friends? And do you really want a friendship that is not genuine and sincere? You're right. The main reason that I decided that we couldn't be friends was because I've closed out a few people from my life who lied about and to me over this, and who helped them get together. I realized that I didn't want someone in my life who is so willing to hurt me, like they did..and he's so far hurt me worse than anyone has ever done. Do I want to bring someone close to me who hurt me that bad? No. But it doesn't change the fact that I still greatly appreciate him as a person, even though he's hurt me like crazy. I just keep thinking about how right after we broke up, how it felt right just being friends with him. I didn't worry about where he was or what he was doing, and I didn't worry about avoiding him, we were just friendly and open towards one another. I kind of just want that back..just the friendliness, even if it's not a friendship. Just so I can go up to my friends when he's around and be like "hey, what's up!" instead of walking the opposite direction. Or so when he makes eye contact I can give him the little look we used to give each other all the time. I'm just having a moment of weakness right now I think..like I said, I have till Friday to clear my head so I can stop thinking about him.
Fufu Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) You're right. The main reason that I decided that we couldn't be friends was because I've closed out a few people from my life who lied about and to me over this, and who helped them get together. I realized that I didn't want someone in my life who is so willing to hurt me, like they did..and he's so far hurt me worse than anyone has ever done. Do I want to bring someone close to me who hurt me that bad? No. But it doesn't change the fact that I still greatly appreciate him as a person, even though he's hurt me like crazy. I just keep thinking about how right after we broke up, how it felt right just being friends with him. I didn't worry about where he was or what he was doing, and I didn't worry about avoiding him, we were just friendly and open towards one another. I kind of just want that back..just the friendliness, even if it's not a friendship. Just so I can go up to my friends when he's around and be like "hey, what's up!" instead of walking the opposite direction. Or so when he makes eye contact I can give him the little look we used to give each other all the time. I'm just having a moment of weakness right now I think..like I said, I have till Friday to clear my head so I can stop thinking about him. Don't rush to be someone's friend when you are not emotionally ready yet. Take your time Honestly, for myself, I don't think I will be able to be friend with my ex. The amount of hurt and depress he had put me through, I don't think any true friends will do this to their friends. I always believe in, "if your bf/gf can break up with you for real, for sure they don't value you as a friend." My ex-bf broke up with me, told me he still cared and loved me and because I MATTER SO MUCH to him, he had to break up with me. (In my heart, you cared for me and you broke up with me, where's the logic?) After that I could only think that he's immature for relationship and I'm glad, really glad I'm no longer with him. And I thank GOD that I didn't marry him. Friendliness is not necessary if in your heart you are still not feeling good and right. Take your time After all, there are better people who are so much more worth being genuine and sincere friends with. Edited May 11, 2011 by Fufu
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