NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I am seeing this guy and I am finally realizing he isn't to me:o It took me a month to realize it but I realized he was into me he just used me for hooking up I thought he actually cared because he always said sweet things to me only to find out he used that as a ploy to get me to hook-up with him again. Why didn't he break up with me?? Why didn't he say hey this isn't working out or hey I don't think we should go on anymore dates. I hate people that are not direct and say what they are thinking instead of getting my hopes up only to bail or just keep playing games and think the dates mean something but they only mean hooking up.
Fedor Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Why dont you be direct with him and tell him it's not working? You can end the relationship just as easy as he can. Maybe he doesnt want to because he wants to keep using you.
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 hy didn't he break up with me?? Why didn't he say hey this isn't working out or hey I don't think we should go on anymore dates. He didn't break up with you because, for him, it was working out perfectly. He wanted one thing from you and he got it. Why wait for him to dump you? Dump him if he's just using you for sex.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I am seeing this guy and I am finally realizing he isn't to me:o It took me a month to realize it but I realized he was into me he just used me for hooking up I thought he actually cared because he always said sweet things to me only to find out he used that as a ploy to get me to hook-up with him again. Why didn't he break up with me?? Why didn't he say hey this isn't working out or hey I don't think we should go on anymore dates. I hate people that are not direct and say what they are thinking instead of getting my hopes up only to bail or just keep playing games and think the dates mean something but they only mean hooking up. Well, you now see him for who he is. He doesn't dump you because you fulfill his "hook up" needs. Why would he dump you? He'll milk the cow as long as long as the cow has milk to provide. Not calling you a cow, just an analogy...you get the point. Why would he be direct? That would mean he won't be able to get "hook ups" from you. You are expecting integrity and honesty from someone who has been using you. You place high expectations on him. We hope that people do the right thing. We project our values and morals on others. Unfortunately, there are people out there who will use, manipulate and abuse for their own benefit. It's up to you to pick up on their bad behavior, step away as fast as possible and move on.
PinkChic Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 He is not dumping you because he is getting exactly what he wants! Why would he dump you??
Author NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 He is a total a-hole( hope that isn't against forum rules here) He is charming takes me out on dates and then we hook up afterwards ( not sex) we make-out, do some touching, etc. He always pressured for sex but I was not that stupid. I knew if he really cared he would wait just a few more dates or until we got to know each other. I didn't see him this weekend because I had to go out of town for a wedding but we made plans on Monday to see a movie ( see my post in dating) and he said okay great I cannot wait! I was actually looking forward to seeing him tonight and then I get the message I won't be able to make it tonight i'd like to reschedule though and when I said wednesday he said hmm that could work but I might have prior engagements that night so I will check into it and let you know so I said okay let me know;) and then he said okay and then I finally got annoyed and said you know what Wednesday isn't going to work anyways let's shoot for sometime this weekend and he said okay and then I sent him a funny photo someone sent to me and no response and my mom came over got to talking and she said Nicole you do realize he isn't very nice and he is only using you right? I just had to get him back though and tease him a bit so I sent him a photo of me in my bikini and the a-hole didn't say one word not one word.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Listen to your mum. And if you see his bad behavior, why are you enabling and encouraging by engaging him with teasing, baiting, etc? You should be moving on the moment you realize someone is using you. Instead you send him a picture of you in a bikini to entice him since he is stepping back?
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 He isn't into you. The way he's brushing you off, treating you and making you a low priority. You break up with him. Next time he calls or emails, asks you out, you tell him "no thanks, I'd rather not go out with you again." or something along those lines. No need to go into detail..He knows he's acting like a schmuck so it won't be a surprise..If anything, his ego will be bruised.
Author NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I am an enabler. When I went out of town for the wedding I didn't think much about him at all and I even flirted with some of the single men at the wedding and then I come back and start thinking about him again:rolleyes: I sent the bikini picture only as a see what you messed with or hey see what you lost. It wasn't necessarily a tease it was more of a closure type of think you snooze you lose you mess with me I can mess with you. I know it isn't right but I am kinda angry right now:mad:
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I am an enabler. When I went out of town for the wedding I didn't think much about him at all and I even flirted with some of the single men at the wedding and then I come back and start thinking about him again:rolleyes: I sent the bikini picture only as a see what you messed with or hey see what you lost. It wasn't necessarily a tease it was more of a closure type of think you snooze you lose you mess with me I can mess with you. I know it isn't right but I am kinda angry right now:mad: Well, if you choose to go back then you shouldn't be complaining if he treats you the same way. You teach people how to treat you. You are wasting your time with sending him pictures with the intent of you snooze you lose. He will just look at you with lust and as a hook up that he lost. He's the kind that probably has other women catering to his needs. I don't believe he's going to sit there crying. Do yourself a favor and move on. You came back from the wedding thinking of him because he's all that's in your view right now and you're settling. Better someone than no one.
Author NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I just hope in the future I live and learn and not go back down that road. I also hope I do not get any STDS that would complicate things even worse I had unprotected BJ and unprotected AS. I am so freaking stupid!
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I just hope in the future I live and learn and not go back down that road. I also hope I do not get any STDS that would complicate things even worse I had unprotected BJ and unprotected AS. I am so freaking stupid! You'll live and learn. We all do. It's up to you to learn from lessons, remember those lessons and apply them in the future. Please go and get tested. Don't sit there hoping you don't have anything. Get tested and be sure you don't have anything. There are screening clinics everywhere.
nana841121 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 He doesn't even worse your "teasing" Don't lower your level by confronting him.just stay away from him quitely
Author NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 My question is why do I keep wanting to give him 2,3rd chances?? It's not like he is even that good looking and he is a jerk. I like going out on dates and I like having fun with him but I hate how he treats me. Is there something wrong with me?
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It's because you have nothing else going for you. You're settling for what's infront of you. You're infatuated with the highs of going out on dates and fun, having someone on your arm but what you have is nothing of substance. Maybe you're in need of attention so whatever little he gives you, keeps you interested and responsive. Doesn't matter that he treats you bad, which speaks of how much you respect yourself. Fun and dating is priority? Or retaining your self-respect and dignity by removing yourself from a bad situation? You give him 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances because you hope that giving him sex may just turn him around and hopefully he will treat you more than just a hook up.
Author NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 You are so right. I do like the attention and I do hope that maybe if I give him more maybe something will happen. I am blinded by infatuation and since I haven't been on a date in 2 years I do admit I miss going out on dates and someone giving me attention. Are you sure you aren't in the psychology field? You give such great advice!
Chi townD Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 My question is why do I keep wanting to give him 2,3rd chances?? It's not like he is even that good looking and he is a jerk. I like going out on dates and I like having fun with him but I hate how he treats me. Is there something wrong with me? Yeah, there's something wrong with you. You keep going out with this guy that has the "playa" or the "bad boy" stereotype. I just don't get it. If he has that "bad boy" persona, then logically one day, he's going to start treating you BADLY!!! Believe me (because I'm one of them) There are good guys out there, that KNOW how to treat a woman. That knows how to be romantic. That will send you flowers at your work for no other reason other than is wednesday and not expecting anything in return. There are guys out there that will bring over chicken soup when you have a cold and will give you a warming blanket and back rub. Guys that will take the time to buy you a birthday present, but you're more impressed with the card that he handmade for you because he had you in mind when he made it and it was from the heart. A guy that makes it his personal goal to make you smile at least once a day. A guy that will come to your rescue if you run out of gas, or you get a flat tire. Guys like I that do exist. Now which one sounds better to you, the guy I described or the douche rocket your with that pretty much gaurantee's you're gonna be groped everytime you're with him?
Author NicoleM Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 He has never bought me flowers or even wished me a congrats when I got a promotion or even thanked me when I sent him an e-card when he was sick or when I was mad that I got into a huge fight with my BFF he just said sorry I am sure that sucks. One of my friends from High School who I never talk to send me a congrats on my facebook and my friend from work gave me flowers. I can see now why he has to troll dating sites to pick up girls how pathethic:laugh:
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 You are so right. I do like the attention and I do hope that maybe if I give him more maybe something will happen. I am blinded by infatuation and since I haven't been on a date in 2 years I do admit I miss going out on dates and someone giving me attention. Are you sure you aren't in the psychology field? You give such great advice! Not a good thing. Most times you're lacking self-esteem and happiness within yourself, hence you seek whatever little you can get out there, even when it is bad. I miss going out on dates but I will not sacrifice my self-respect and dignity for it. I want to date guys who will respect me and treat me like a lady. It's easy to lay down and try to make a guy like you. But I have more to give than just that. You should really look into what your priorities are. He's not going to treat you any better than the way you've already let him treat you. You've downgraded yourself by showing him you'll lay down and be his play thing. Stepping up from that is unlikely in his eyes.
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 It's very clear he's not feeling you at all...you can find someone that WILL send you flowers etc...we can't change another person, but we can change the situation we're in. Lose his behind. Figure out what you want in a relationship and, you will find someone who treats you right. It sounds like you're settling with this guy and you don't have to. Don't settle. Best of Luck!
nana841121 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Nicole, i had similar mind state to yours. My ex is not a good-looking guy, to be more specific, he is the opposite of my taste, gangly and big-eye. He treated me without intensive feeling , he cheated on me. he found himself a new girlfriend, who is his student in college. He keeps contacting me. I furtively want him back. i don't know either why would i have such obsession on my mind. To many people, i am out of his league.
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