Johnny85 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Hey all! In your opinion, do you think that being friends with your ex encourages and improves your changes of becoming romantic later on? Or does it have the opposite effect (i.e., once you have been friend zoned, it is very hard for your ex to view you as a romantic partner)? Chat away!
PurpleReign Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It doesn't do anything. At all. Either way. UNTIL You don't want him/her anymore. But then, IT DOESN'T MATTER. RUN, RUN LIKE H&!L. DO NOT LOOK BACK. When you don't want him/her anymore, he/she will be back. Life sucks.
runner Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 if there are residual feelings on either side, then you aren't 'friends'. if you want to avoid trouble, don't lie to yourself or the other person.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It depends on the people involved. Afterall, when my ex dumped me, she jumped onto a new guy 2 weeks later, and that guy happened to have been one of her exes thats she kept around as a friend. So yes, it does work. Of course, they are now broken up. Be wary, most times when a person gets a second chance before one of the parties heals the relationship will end, horribly.
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Being friends with your ex is near impossible. If one of you has feelings left-over then it is impossible to have a friendship as you will have other intentions and get frustrated when/if things are not moving along to the pace in which you want. Take it from many people on here who have tried friends with an ex. It's painful and a waste of time.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Being friends with your ex is near impossible. If one of you has feelings left-over then it is impossible to have a friendship as you will have other intentions and get frustrated when/if things are not moving along to the pace in which you want. Take it from many people on here who have tried friends with an ex. It's painful and a waste of time. True that! I tried that route myself, it ended in failure. The ex seemed interested in having a friendship at first, then she just dropped all contact, won't even respond to my emails anymore. So having no choice I went NC, again. Now, I've been working on mental exercises to move past the ex and to heal myself, and they are going along nicely. My thoughts of her are becoming less and less. Heed my example boy, heal yourself, get rid of those feelings, then you can be friends.
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Heed my example boy, heal yourself, get rid of those feelings, then you can be friends. Yes! and really make sure the feelings are gone - it make take a year and honestly - by the time you feelings are truly gone there will be a 95% chance that you won't even care about being friends with them. I hate it when people think that not being friends with your ex is immature. It's not at all.
Stilicho Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 DO NOT, under any circumstances, befriend an ex. unless you are truly over them, and MUCH time has past. all it will do is open the floodgates to misery again.
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Even if you get the scab to shrink down to the size of a pin's head it will still bleed if you pick at it. You have to wait until every drop of feelings have left your body....and then some!
Author Johnny85 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 My girlfriend of 4 years recently broke up with me and I have had limited contact with her since January of this year. Right after we broke up, she started dating another guy. Whenever she is feeling low or her new boyfriend makes her sad, she contacts me. Obviously this makes me feel like her emotional cushion, someone she contacts only to make herself feel better. Breadcrumbs are thrown left and right and then they suddenly disappear for a while. I am beginning to get my mojo back but it is a slow process. I have really been focusing on myself over the past few months (working out, going back to school to pursue an MBA degree). I just feel like there is nothing I would want more than to have her in my life but at the same time, I want her to want to be with me because she believes in me and us (and not because someone breaks her heart). I do not want to push her away; although it seems that she wants to be friends. Right now I am not emotionally ready to be "just friends." I am just wondering whether being in her life more often will increase the chances of us getting back together? Or will this just make her unconscious mind disregard me as a romantic interest in the future?
neiu Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 meh never have and never will. not worth it and it becomes a hindrance for future relationships i think
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 My girlfriend of 4 years recently broke up with me and I have had limited contact with her since January of this year. Right after we broke up, she started dating another guy. Whenever she is feeling low or her new boyfriend makes her sad, she contacts me. Obviously this makes me feel like her emotional cushion, someone she contacts only to make herself feel better. Breadcrumbs are thrown left and right and then they suddenly disappear for a while. I am beginning to get my mojo back but it is a slow process. I have really been focusing on myself over the past few months (working out, going back to school to pursue an MBA degree). I just feel like there is nothing I would want more than to have her in my life but at the same time, I want her to want to be with me because she believes in me and us (and not because someone breaks her heart). I do not want to push her away; although it seems that she wants to be friends. Right now I am not emotionally ready to be "just friends." I am just wondering whether being in her life more often will increase the chances of us getting back together? Or will this just make her unconscious mind disregard me as a romantic interest in the future? If I may say - you need to cut to NC with her. The time it takes to heal from a breakup goes up 10 fold if you maintain contact and have hopes for reconnecting
Author Johnny85 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Being friends with your ex is near impossible. If one of you has feelings left-over then it is impossible to have a friendship as you will have other intentions and get frustrated when/if things are not moving along to the pace in which you want. Take it from many people on here who have tried friends with an ex. It's painful and a waste of time. But would you say being in someone's life increases the probability that she will have a change of heart? Or will it do absolutely nothing as far as establishing a new relationship with her (once things go sour with her new bf)?
Author Johnny85 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I have really been limiting my contact with her (and I only contact her when she contacts me first). Right when I am feeling better about us being separated, she appears, once again. I don't know why I am so emotionally attached to this woman (even after 4 months). Last time we spoke, she said that I could call her whenever I felt like it. I know that she is lonely without me, and that's maybe because I haven't called. I do not wanna feed her emotional endorphins while her new boyfriend receives her physical services (for the lack of a better description). lol
collegeguy_24 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Dude, cut to NC. Trust me on this. She is using you and she knows it. You are her back up if her new man fails. Go NC, focus on trying to heal yourself, then when all feeling is gone, then you can re-open contact, but chances are you won't feel the need.
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