orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Let's face it, I realized that what guys my age really look for online is a pretty looking hot girl despite how matchable we are to what they look for or personality, qualities, goal in life, etc. They don't care about that sh*t. Few times I have written to guys whose profile where it says "what I'm looking for" describes me exactly along with other matches and written to them like at least 3 parahraphs, none have gotten back to me. I really liked this one profile because of how similiar our likes and wants of a person is. For example, we both like someone who doesn't mind doing voluntary and humanitarian works together. So the only reason why I suspect he didn't get back to me was because of my photo. I don't have that 'omg she's hot' look. And to be honest, this guy's not even good looking. He was a little bald, but average sized. I never write to the good looking ones because obviously I am not good looking either so I don't expect them to like me back. You know what? 90% of the people who write to me on the dating site are above 60 year old men. I am in my late 20s. But I feel very down. I have been very positive in my life with other areas, but I just feel like I don't stand a chance because I'm ugly.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 You know, I feel really ugly sometimes, too. Yet a couple of days ago, I had a pretty nurse making googley eyes at me. I am chubby, with long hair and glasses (and sometimes a beard.) I look like a cross between Bill Gates and John Lennon. I guess what I'm saying is, nobody is too ugly to not attract someone who's right for them. This person online was not right for you, he disqualified himself. Someone else will find you attractive, and will qualify himself for you.
johan Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 The theory is that online dating increases your chances because you are exposed to more possibilities. But so is everyone else. And so the natural thing to do is to find things to be picky about. I don't know if you're ugly. But I do feel for you. Dating is incredibly hard on the ego. For everyone. Those guys who never got back to you have spent a lot of time sitting at home alone, too, feeling ugly. They have been rejected based on their pictures, too. If you're going to be happy in life, tou have to find a way to not hate yourself. You have to find a way to be objective and to feel compassion and forgiveness for yourself. Take care of yourself physically, and just keep trying.
Author orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) This person online was not right for you, he disqualified himself. Someone else will find you attractive, and will qualify himself for you. I wrote to him because of what he wrote in his profile, not his looks. And I thought he wouldn't be so shallow as to pick a model or something because he stated he is involved in humanitarian and voluntary works in Africa and want someone who is interested in that as well and that was me. I really am wasting my money on this dating site. Because he wasn't even anything near to attractive. He was not right for me because HE rejected me coz I wasn't hot. In that sense, then you are right, he's not right for me because I didn't fit his bill of what attracts him. What I have learned about guys is, they already have a mental image of what a girl would look like to be their girlfriend. - HOT. So when they look at a non-hot photo, they're not even interested in the rest. I don't think they care to even read what's in the profile. The photos come first. And btw, guys can look like crap and still get girls. My friend is a guy who is very short and has polio (walks with a limp, his leg is not straight) and still has a wife. Edited May 10, 2011 by orangelady
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Online dating is a looks game, though. You're more likely to meet someone offline, if you're average looking, than online. It's true that it puts you in a position to meet a wider pool of people. The issue, though, is that all of those people have the ability to disqualify you, based on a single picture. If they don't like the way you look, it's game over. Offline, you can communicate body language, tone of voice, and smiles and everything to make you more attractive. Online, it's only words on a screen, and words on a screen can be read/deleted or unread/deleted quite easily. A lot of men also go online and expect to date a supermodel. Same as a lot of women go online and expect to date Brad Pitt. The average looking man/woman loses then, because someone can google a hot model, set up a fake profile, and get everyone's attention that way (and many do.)
Rinnix Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Everyone has a different eye for beauty, this does not mean that you are unattractive. I'm not every guy's type too. Some men prefer blondes or curvy women. It's not me. You were not attracted to the guy you mailed, perhaps it would be best to mail people who have the whole package to you. Din't settle because you feel you are less deserving. I don't believe in leagues, when I see a guy I have interest I go for it. We are all our own worst critics (especially us women). Don't be so hard on yourself.
Darren Taylor Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Everyone has a different eye for beauty, this does not mean that you are unattractive. I'm not every guy's type too. Some men prefer blondes or curvy women. It's not me. You were not attracted to the guy you mailed, perhaps it would be best to mail people who have the whole package to you. Din't settle because you feel you are less deserving. I don't believe in leagues, when I see a guy I have interest I go for it. We are all our own worst critics (especially us women). Don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think much about leagues either, but they do exist. Online dating is basically a waste of time though if you're a guy. Even if you're one of the more attractive ones, there's many of you and very few women.
Rinnix Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't think much about leagues either, but they do exist. Online dating is basically a waste of time though if you're a guy. Even if you're one of the more attractive ones, there's many of you and very few women. I like to keep myself out of being apart of a league. Takes more than a pretty face to get my attention. I don't even care for over muscular men. I find women reply less due to the harassing emails they recieve too. Many men see it as a way to get a free encounter. (Some women too) If I used a site, I would likely mail men of interest. In my experience only rude men had mailed me (when I used the site). So I closed it.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't think much about leagues either, but they do exist. Online dating is basically a waste of time though if you're a guy. Even if you're one of the more attractive ones, there's many of you and very few women. That too. Men outnumber women on these sites, so they can afford to be picky.
Darren Taylor Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I like to keep myself out of being apart of a league. Takes more than a pretty face to get my attention. I don't even care for over muscular men. I find women reply less due to the harassing emails they recieve too. Many men see it as a way to get a free encounter. (Some women too) If I used a site, I would likely mail men of interest. In my experience only rude men had mailed me (when I used the site). So I closed it. I never understood the big deal over huge guys. I can see lean muscle, but bodybuilder muscular seems over the top. Male models have lean muscle and I don't see them having trouble for the most part. I'll take being 6'2" 170 over being 250. That too. Men outnumber women on these sites, so they can afford to be picky. I was briefly on a site. That wasn't even my biggest complaint. Most of them seemed to have entitlement issues.
Johnny85 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Darren, I agree! A body similar to Channing Tatum or Ryan Reynolds is attractive. Huge muscles covered in fat is unattractive.
waynesworld Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't know why you're writing three paragraphs as a first message to anyone, let alone someone who you don't even find attractive. Looks are important, especially in online dating. Shared values, goals and interests mean nothing if there's no physical attraction. It doesn't sound like online dating is right for you. You mention how humanitarianism is important to you; why don't you focus on meeting men (in person) through that?
Darren Taylor Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Darren, I agree! A body similar to Channing Tatum or Ryan Reynolds is attractive. Huge muscles covered in fat is unattractive. I actually looked like CT when I had my head shaved. Got so many CT comparisons. Not sure who I look like now, but I seem to look better with hair according to most.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Not to sound full of myself but I've been generally considered a good looking guy and I've been rejected dozens of times by girls I consider not so good looking, ha. I always feel like saying to them "don't you know what you're missing!!" So it works both ways and happens to everyone, not just to you.
Johnny85 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I actually looked like CT when I had my head shaved. Got so many CT comparisons. Not sure who I look like now, but I seem to look better with hair according to most. I have been doing the Insanity workout for about 2 months now to try and develop a body similar to CT! Man, the guy must really workout a lot to maintain that body. I like having a few beers and am restricted to Bud Light Lime cause I don't wanna mess up any progress that I have made. lol And McDonald's is completely out of the equation. Not to sound full of myself but I've been generally considered a good looking guy and I've been rejected dozens of times by girls I consider not so good looking, ha. I always feel like saying to them "don't you know what you're missing!!" So it works both ways and happens to everyone, not just to you. Me too, I think the mistake a lot of guys make (including myself) is that they try and build attraction before establishing comfort. I am way more successful with meeting girls at a bar when I am just myself and treat them like I would treat my friends. haha
Cracker Jack Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 You're not "too ugly" or whatever you're saying. Your online dating experience simply sucks, that's all. It happens to a lot of people, since it really isn't for everyone to begin with. Focus more on offline dating instead of dating online.
dispatch3d Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 meh, lots of women I message who seemed like perfect matches didn't bother replying. Lots of women who seemed very interested initially just died off immediately, flaked on the first date, etc. As far as me wasting time thinking of concrete singular reasons this could be true, well no thanks . There's probably some ways you can doll yourself up a bit more. Besides that, lots of girls say they are ugly when they actually aren't. furthermore, lets spend some more time talking about your strengths and a lot less time talking about weaknesses.
Author orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 That too. Men outnumber women on these sites, so they can afford to be picky. I am proof that you are wrong. I think maybe this happens in your country, not mine. Here, there are more women to men. And on another dating site, I can't, tell you how many men 'visit' my profile but don't contact me. I usually get really odd ones who do contact me like one wore this scuba diving mask over his face, I could not see his face, another wore a hood over his head, and could not see his face either. Another one was too young for me. (10 years younger). It can be very discouraging for a girl. It's a man's world. Men can be 20,30,40,50 and they have no shelf life. Whether they meet someone or not, life is bliss. For us women, at age 35 or 40, who cares about ya when there are 20 year old girls out there? They don't worry about things like 'omg will I ever be wanted?' 'will I ever have someone to have kids with before my eggs go old?' Women are just cursed. Oh ugly ones that is. Anyways, I agree with most of you here, and thanks for the advice. Clearly, online dating is not for me as I can't compete with all the rest of the 'hot' girls on the sites.
Author orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I really doubt that you are ugly at all.... thanks.........after you get rejected so many times.....you start to think like that. (I've also tried to approach guys in real life before, didn't work, that's why I tried online)
Author orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Her physical attractiveness doesn't matter. She has convinced herself of it and there is no way to persuade her otherwise. With this mindset she walks through life like a leper and gets treated as such. She complains about being ugly and the inequality of being born pretty because of her all consuming obsession with beauty. In turn she settles for guys who are unattractive to her resulting from this self-image, her aesthetically obsessed world view, and she secretly thinks herself to be better than the men she condemns when she is just as superficial. Wow thanks for summing myself up when you have no clue how I run and live my life and sorry I was just being honest. I don't want to lie to myself that I'm 'beautiful' when I'm not. Sorry that I do admit that there are way more attractive girls around me and that I stand no change against them. I don't want to be in denial and think "Oh I'm ugly but I'll try to convince myself I'm beautiful"
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Her physical attractiveness doesn't matter. She has convinced herself of it and there is no way to persuade her otherwise. With this mindset she walks through life like a leper and gets treated as such. She complains about being ugly and the inequality of being born pretty because of her all consuming obsession with beauty. In turn she settles for guys who are unattractive to her resulting from this self-image, her aesthetically obsessed world view, and she secretly thinks herself to be better than the men she condemns when she is just as superficial. I don't think she is being superficial. She is trying to go for men that she realistically thinks she has a shot with. Unfortunately, real world is not some fairytale place and leagues DO exist. Studies have repeatedly shown that people in LTRs tend to be of similar attractiveness. I think that she is upset that some bald, over-weight 40+ dude wants a 20 year old super model. I hate that as well. My male friend (who is perma-single) constantly talks critically about every woman he sees. She is "too fat" or "too old" or "her face is off" etc. Yet, he is below average looking himself. I feel like asking him: looked in the mirror lately? Men in general tend to over-estimate their looks.
Author orangelady Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I think that she is upset that some bald, over-weight 40+ dude wants a 20 year old super model. I hate that as well. My male friend (who is perma-single) constantly talks critically about every woman he sees. She is "too fat" or "too old" or "her face is off" etc. Yet, he is below average looking himself. I feel like asking him: looked in the mirror lately? Men in general tend to over-estimate their looks. Yeah, I agree. But those who I write to are never in my opinion good looking because I know where I stand. The few guys that I wrote too looked nerdy, not much hair, a little scruffy but I wrote to them because I felt like it would be interesting to see a life with them in the sense that they actually wanted to do something meaningful with their life e.g the last guy I wrote to and was hoping to hear from had the same goal as I did which was to get into humanitarian and voluntary work and efforts together. I don't know how that makes me superficial. Not like I was going for 6'2, studs who are businessmen traveling for work. And I have to agree that men are very critical about women's looks when they themselves look like crap. I don't know how many times I've sat around men and whenever women passes by, they'll say "omg hot body but face sucks, cover the face and f--k the base I guess." or...."omg nice face but fat legs..." etc
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Yep, I heard men say stuff like: "she only good from her neck to her waist. I would cut her legs and face off"....etc etc
Andy_K Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Reality is harsh. Thousands of men who are complete failures in their dating life, have to learn how to approach women, how to be confident around women, what appropriate boundaries are, how to pick up on their signals, and so forth. Women who have no dating success have a much simpler (but not necessarily easier) solution. Work out more and get in shape. You can of course choose not to, but as the saying goes, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. And if you are going to engage in any self-improvement to improve your dating odds, there is no point denying that 90% of what draws a guy in - especially online - will be your looks.
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