vicsin Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) So I was the other woman, and here I am torn to pieces. When you put yourself in a situation like I did, you know deep down how its going to turn out, but you cross the line against your better judgment and when everything falls on your head at the end, you are still somehow surprised. I am a student in college and I have been through a lot of crappy situations with guys this semester. I have trusted a string of guys who at the end of the day left me feeling worthless. I was pretty much completely empty at the point when I was crushed again. I was taken advantage of/raped by a guy I decided to spend time with at a party. Unless it has happened to you or someone close to you, the emotional damage from such a situation is unimaginable. However, I felt nothing. I sat there just completely empty and devoid of emotion. It finally hit me one day as I sat in my bed alone and just cried. But, I didn't have to cry alone. This guy I work with/lives in the building next to mine was my shoulder. He was hurting too. He was going through some rough times with his girlfriend of two months and although he didn't reveal why, he told me things were rocky. We started talking and getting closer. And when I sat in my bed and cried he brought over the Lion King and made me watch. The tears stopped and the attraction began. I knew he was still in a relationship and I made it clear to him that I would not do anything with him if he was not single. He consistently reassured me that he would not pursue something with me if he had a perfect relationship. He was at the point of trying to end it. I listened and I continued to spend time with him. Over break he asked me to dinner and a movie (as "friends"). At the end of the night he went two hours out of his way to take me home on the train. He walked me to my door and kissed me. I felt safe, and for me that was a big deal. Coming out of a relationship from the summer where the guy never once took me home, where at one point I was almost mugged on my way home alone, this obviously meant a lot to me. I was instantly attached. We went out again and things went further. We got back to school and lines continued to be crossed. All the while, he was still with his girlfriend but trying to end it. He told me he had no feelings for her and that he thought about me all the time. I kept pushing him away, pushing him to stop talking to me as long as he was with her. Deep down I was hoping to push him to end things with her so that he could be with me. One day he came over and said he was single. A few days after that we had sex for the first time. And then he admitted he was still working on things with her. He came to my room one day just to sleep and he finally told me about their issues. The rockiness all stemmed from the fact that she was pledging. This meant they couldn't be together 24/7 as they had gotten used to and it made him lose feelings for her. He needed someone new and he chose to pursue me knowing I was hurt and how easy it would be to hurt me again… During the next spring break I decided to not see him. I told him I want to stop talking until the break is over. I wanted to forget him because I knew he would be with his girlfriend again once she became available. It hurt me when I knew he was with her. I stopped talking to him. I hoped that he would miss me, but when we came back to school, I didn’t hear from him all day. It hurt. Suddenly at some point in the evening, I got a phone call from him. He said she knows about me and that’s when everything came crashing down. The situation became unreal, almost like a soap opera. I have ranted so much already and haven’t begun to tell the worst of it. If anyone actually reads through all of it, please post a word and let me know if I should continue because it is going to be long. I really appreciate anyone who cares to read and any feedback because I have a lot more to say and need some perspective and advice. Edited May 9, 2011 by vicsin
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 This guy seems to have pegged you from the start. He's taken advantage of your vunerability for sure, though you kept believing him time and time again. There were little red flags you ignored.. I do hope you can stay away from him and just focus on healing. You've been through so much! Did you ever seek counselling for the pain that you've been through? Having a break from ALL men is a good thing until you find "you" again. Rely on women friends and family to keep you smiling and for support. I will say, if his girlfriend confronts you, speak from your heart and just tell her what you said here about him. How he made it seem like they were ending things, that he had no feelings for her etc.. Sadly, chances are, he may have thrown you under the bus making it seem like you chased him and wouldn't leave him alone. Many cheaters after being caught, will do and say anything to save their own asses! Please, continue with your story.
freestyle Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 What advice are you looking for? I'm going to point out a few pertinent things that jumped out at me from your post. 1. He lied to you about being single. (Isn't being lied to , right off the bat, a dealbreaker for you?) 2. He broke it off with his gf because she was pledging, and couldn't pay attention to him 24/7? (what's going to happen, if you got together with him----and you had to be focused on other things like--your classes, studying, finals, your career, your future? Will he step out on you, the moment he's not the center of your undivided attention?) 3. You said you slept with him a few days after he claimed to be broken up. You're a college student, so here's some advice from someone with a few more years on you---stay away from freshly broken up guys. More often than not, they're confused, and looking for a soft place to land.Or, they're looking to make their ex jealous. For the sake of your own heart and protection---wait until the dust has settled, so you can see clearly.Any man worth your time, won't rush you. Make sure he really cares about you---from the neck up, first. 4. You said you trusted a string of guys who left you feeling worthless. I agree with the previous poster,taking a break from dating for a while might not be a bad idea. Take some time to look at the similarities of the guys you've been attracted to previously---and start fine-tuning your people-picker. Figure out what your boundaries are, and what your dealbreakers are.... When you get a place of greater self-awareness, you'll be more likely to attract someone like-minded. Water seeks its own level. best wishes......
Garrgoil Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 And when I sat in my bed and cried he brought over the Lion King and made me watch. Guaranteed to score.
Author vicsin Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Funny thing is, what whichwayisup said is pretty much what happened. I was confronted by his girlfriend. Of course, she found out the worst way possible. She found an email between us. He lied to her and said we had been flirting but decided to not do anything about the fact that we liked each other. He wouldn't come speak to me in person although I needed him to. He was too busy trying to repair the damage with her. She ended up coming to me and asking me what was really going on. I lied. I sat there and lied to her face, telling her the same story he did. I didn't want to betray him and I didn't want to be the one to take the bullet. I felt it was his place to reveal the truth. So, I tried talking to him again. He did not/was not able to come see me and talk until I just happened to run into him and forced it upon him. I wanted to vomit after lying to his girlfriend. I also wanted to vomit over the way he was treating me. He promised he would talk to me and said that he was unsure of how to deal with everything. He wanted to fix things with her and then fix things with me. He said he was crying the entire day and it wasn’t just because of her. I told him he had to tell her the truth or I would have to do it. I couldn’t stand the fact that he was hoping to fix things with her after all he had done. And of course, my feelings were put aside. I understood, but it was pretty hard to bear. He surprisingly said he would tell her and I waited. I went to bed that night and made sure to lock my door just as a gut feeling… Five minutes later, I hear loud footsteps rushing to my door, loud pounding and a girl screaming and crying “OPEN THE ****ING DOOR”. I just stayed silent. I couldn’t believe this was happening. He was right behind her saying “she’s not here…she’s not here…let’s go”. The girl ended up running through the entire building causing a scene and trying to find me. Everyone heard. Everyone knew what happened now. He texted me saying “I’m single now. I did exactly what you told me. I am in shambles”. I tried to talk to him and tell him he was doing the right thing. I tried to get him to tell me what would happen with us but he wouldn’t give me the time of day. That next night his gf came to my door again and we spoke calmly. I told her the entire story and my place in it and she understood. She told me that he has this way of making you feel so good when you are with him and when you're his girlfriend, its like that every minute. I could tell she didn't want to let him go even though she said she couldn't forgive this. She ended up asking me if I wanted her to bring him to me to talk because he was at her beck and call. I said yes because I knew it was the only way I could talk to him. When he came into my room, it was like he was not human. I looked into his eyes but all I could see was his face. The way he spoke sounded like he was reading a script. It was scary but I stayed strong. I asked him if he ever liked me and he was trying to say things that his gf wanted to hear since she was there. He ended up admitting he was really ****ed up and hurt that whole time and he doesn't know how to feel. He then tried to see which one of us was willing to forgive him... I didn't really get to say much. I was kind of in shock. Of course, he was gravitating towards her while the three of us were in my room. He then started spewing this garbage that I feel like I've heard in some movie saying to his gf "I love you and I could see a future with you since the day I met you...I was so stupid but I see so clearly now...I will do anything to get you back..." and he even said he knew if he worked hard enough he could get her back. *End scene* He was right. Now they are back together. He awkwardly said hello at our staff social. That’s about it. And I have been left ignored and alone. I didn’t eat for 3 days and woke up feeling like crap over it most days. I did go to a counselor and felt better each day. Though I have definitely been feeling better I still have such a sour feeling in the back of my head. I tried to let it go but I just feel like I need an apology or some word from him. I can't approach him right now though because his gf took him back and he is currently on her leash. He pretends that I don’t exist and I stopped trying to contact him. Tomorrow I have to do a presentation about myself in front of our entire staff and I was thinking of making a subtle comment towards him. I was wondering if that was a silly idea. Also, I just want to get over this and heal myself without leaning on a guy but I feel like I am letting him off the hook too easy. I feel like I should give it a little more time and see if I get a chance to approach him in person and tell him how I feel. He hurt me really badly and he should have to look me in the eye and know it ;/. That’s the only way I think I can completely move on. But also part of me wishes things ended up differently and he could have just stuck around with me because it was the first time in a long time that I felt real feelings for someone although now all of it is so questionable. Its really unfair that at the end of it all, he gets to be happy and be with someone and he gets to hurt the one person who was there for him when he felt alone. I wanted to be his friend, but I guess he just wanted some ass. I guess that's more valuable to guys these days. I just wish I could say some of this stuff to his face... Please let me know what you guys think and thanks so much for the support <3. Edited May 10, 2011 by vicsin
Garrgoil Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 She told me that he has this way of making you feel so good when you are with him and when you're his girlfriend, its like that every minute. Apparently not.
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