Saraswati57 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I've heard people proclaim they need certain things in the relationship but fall for someone differently than what they expected. I think both women AND men can be confused on what they want/can be persuaded against their notions of what they truly "want." Opinions on this? Maybe this is just common sense?
Cee Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 That's such a good question. I think the reality of love is far greater than our limited imaginations. I could spend hours deciding which qualities I want in a man, but my boyfriends have exceeded anything I could ever imagine. Also, things that are easiest to describe don't describe a person's inner goodness. Height, weight, tattoos, job title say next to nothing about the adorableness of a person. But that's part of the fun too. Dating isn't totally in our control. Chemistry, compatibility, and dumb luck are a big part of the equation.
daphne Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I think there's a list of wants and needs. When you're young, wants are pretty superficial. With experience, you realize it's usually values and common goals and a good dose of chemistry to get you through dissimilarities. When you stop thinking that you need a guy that likes the same music and fits your physical "type" and go for the guy who makes you happy, you're well on your way to getting what you need. And that can be a lot better than what you want.
Author Saraswati57 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Good points all around. I'm interested in other's comments, though, as well.
fishtaco Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Making a laundry list is a function of the logical brain. Deciding who is attractive is a function of the emotional brain. I don't think they intersect much.
threebyfate Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I agree with fishtaco that they can be separate although they can also intersect, if people are willing to look inside at what causes or caused their emotional response. That's not to say that you can zero in on exactly what physically attracts you, at least the sexual component which resides in the lizard brain. The above paragraph relates solely to emotional response.
Disillusioned Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 About 9 out of 10 people don't know what they want, and this frustrates the other 10% of us who do.
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