B3lla Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Me and my ex boyfriend met on facebook and dated for 3 months. We live in different states. Not long after, he started saying he loved me though we hadn't even met in person yet. About 3 weeks after we finally met, he breaks up with me saying that he never loved me and I was moving to fast and he was just going alone with it. I didn't talk to him for a week, but then he started messaging me again. He didn't say anything about the breakup, just stuff about he's happy we can still be friends and that he still wants to keep having sex with me. We spoke everyday and 2 months later, I went back. I saw him 3 times, and we did sleep together once. The day after I get back home, on my graduation day, he tells me that we are just friends, so he doesn't feel right having sex with me. Totally messed my day up, I had to hold back the tears so I wouldn't ruin my makeup. Now I'm back up here and I've seen him 3 times so far. The first time I saw him, he was kissing me & talking about us f***ing, but 2 weeks b4, he didn't want too. Last time I saw him on cinco de mayo, he asked me if I still love him. I said yes, then he says so show me. Since we were in Times Square all I could do was kiss him, and he did put his hands on my boobs but I really don't know what to think anymore. Then there's the I agreed to let him be my mentor part, which he's supposed to change me and make me be better and teach me all these things, I don't know what's supposed to happen. Part of me just wants to give up.
geegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Me and my ex boyfriend met on facebook and dated for 3 months. We live in different states. Not long after, he started saying he loved me though we hadn't even met in person yet. About 3 weeks after we finally met, he breaks up with me saying that he never loved me and I was moving to fast and he was just going alone with it. I didn't talk to him for a week, but then he started messaging me again. He didn't say anything about the breakup, just stuff about he's happy we can still be friends and that he still wants to keep having sex with me. We spoke everyday and 2 months later, I went back. I saw him 3 times, and we did sleep together once. The day after I get back home, on my graduation day, he tells me that we are just friends, so he doesn't feel right having sex with me. Totally messed my day up, I had to hold back the tears so I wouldn't ruin my makeup. Now I'm back up here and I've seen him 3 times so far. The first time I saw him, he was kissing me & talking about us f***ing, but 2 weeks b4, he didn't want too. Last time I saw him on cinco de mayo, he asked me if I still love him. I said yes, then he says so show me. Since we were in Times Square all I could do was kiss him, and he did put his hands on my boobs but I really don't know what to think anymore. Then there's the I agreed to let him be my mentor part, which he's supposed to change me and make me be better and teach me all these things, I don't know what's supposed to happen. Part of me just wants to give up. Good god woman. Find your self-respect and dignity. Why would you allow this man to treat you like a piece of meat. Your self esteem must be in the tank to allow this man to have his way with you like this. Mentor?? You don't need mentoring from him. Find a mentor that respects you and looks out for your best interest. He is a user, manipulator and abuser. What about this situation is telling you that you are worthy of such treatment? I want to shake you. What part of you wants to stay? The part that is desperate to receive a f*** here and there and to get her boobs manhandled in Times Square? Or the part that is desperate to just have a douche bag in her life rather than no one? Or the part that is confusing herself that this man's actions speak of love rather than emotional abuse? I can't see any other parts that would make you want to stay.
Goatsbreath Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Yeah, you should let him be your mentor...seriously. Why?...so he can mess with your head a little more? He is using you for sex and you are letting him. To his credit however he was pretty blunt about it, like when he said "I'm glad we can be friends and let's keep having sex." It translates to this: I'm really happy I can send you a few texts now and then, keep you around and throw one in you now and then incase I'm feeling in the mood. It makes me feel good about myself, so damn good that I think I should actually start being a mentor.
geegirl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Last time I saw him on cinco de mayo, he asked me if I still love him. I said yes, then he says so show me. Since we were in Times Square all I could do was kiss him, and he did put his hands on my boobs but I really don't know what to think anymore. You think the more sex you give him, he will come to love you? No. The more sex you give him, the more you will love him. The more sex he receives from you, the more sex he gets. Simple math.
Kilty Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 When you read posts on here you often find stories that are identical to your own and through them you can learn great advice. Everyone's past experiences, failures, successes, mistakes, what to do and what not to do can help you a lot. But in nearly every case the bottom line is that we have to help ourselves otherwise all of the advice and guidance is pointless. For goodness sake B3lla please help yourself by breaking all contact with this "person" and wising up. Are you really that desperate that this is what you want ? A normal loving relationship will never be possible with this "person" If cheap meaningless worthless sex whenever he feels like it is all you are looking for then by all means carry on However naive , you clearly have a heart and are a good person to share your troubles Find someone worthy of you for God's sake
Author B3lla Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 We've only had sex twice. I'm actually the one who usually makes the sexual comments first, but he said the reason we don't have sex more is cause he's not after my body, so I should be happy about that. Sucks to say, but he is the nicest boyfriend I've had. I don't think I'd ever get a black eye or busted lip like I did from my other ex boyfriends, and as messed up as it is I convinced myself that's all I was ever gonna have. So when he came along, I fell flat on my face for him. As for the mentor thing, maybe he means the job training cause I'm gonna be working for him when I move back here. I have to take classes first which I'm supposed to do when I come back here next month. I don't change for anybody, but if I have to act a certain way when we're around certain people, I can do that, but sometimes I do feel like his puppet, even joke around and call him master and he'll call me his young apprentice I just really like him. Why I have no freaking clue. Once my feelings start, it's hard to stop it. But I'm getting frustrated showing him how much I care, staying quiet when I wanna flip on him, everything he says I answer ''ok'' even when I don't want too. Then 9 days after I get back home, he's going over there for vacation, so that should be interesting.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 We've only had sex twice. I'm actually the one who usually makes the sexual comments first, but he said the reason we don't have sex more is cause he's not after my body, so I should be happy about that. Sucks to say, but he is the nicest boyfriend I've had. I don't think I'd ever get a black eye or busted lip like I did from my other ex boyfriends, and as messed up as it is I convinced myself that's all I was ever gonna have. So when he came along, I fell flat on my face for him. As for the mentor thing, maybe he means the job training cause I'm gonna be working for him when I move back here. I have to take classes first which I'm supposed to do when I come back here next month. I don't change for anybody, but if I have to act a certain way when we're around certain people, I can do that, but sometimes I do feel like his puppet, even joke around and call him master and he'll call me his young apprentice I just really like him. Why I have no freaking clue. Once my feelings start, it's hard to stop it. But I'm getting frustrated showing him how much I care, staying quiet when I wanna flip on him, everything he says I answer ''ok'' even when I don't want too. Then 9 days after I get back home, he's going over there for vacation, so that should be interesting. He's just one step up from the physical abusers in your life. Compare him to a decent man, not men who physically abused you. Your comparison scale is backwards. You are going to work for this man, when you have feelings and while you allow him to make use of you? You ARE his puppet. You are doing everything you can to make him like you back. Bend over as far back as you can so he will like you and that means giving him sex with no strings attached. That means catering to his whims and making light of the situation so he sees how cool/casual you are about things and he'll see what a cool chick you are when inside it is driving you nuts. Why do you like him? You like him because your self esteem and self worth is down the drain. You've been through abusive relationships and it's been detrimental to your mental and emotional state. Emotional abuse and manipulation is better than a busted lip, eh? A person with good self esteem will not allow a man to treat her this way nor want someone like this in her life. Under the guise of "mentoring" you, he gets to impress you therefore giving him more of an opportunity to use you as you revel in his magnificence and bend backwards even more.
Recommended Posts