Does texting a new 'friend' for a long time all day mean something?

[elanders563]

This is my first post, anyways...I've come to sign up because no matter what website i went to i couldn't find the answer to my question.

 

I've been on and off with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I've never had reason to not trust him in terms of cheating or being physically unfaithful. But i've caught him lying about things that don't matter at all and there have defiantly times when i've felt upright betrayed by him by him not telling something important or straight up lying to my face and me finding out later, not only that he used to say rude comments to me to have a reason to feel bad about myself or feel that he would be unfaithful but he would NEVER act on it. Recently hes been involved in this university camp and hes been meeting new friends and ever since hes been very distant. For a while he was looking for new friends because he felt like he couldn't connect to anyone at the college were at besides until he went on a retreat the camp.

Ever since he's been distant with me, he tells me specifically he wants more time away from each other so we can enjoy each other's company when we are together. And hes been texting this one girl constantly for 2 weeks now. I try not to be nosy and go through his texts and i have yet to do so but he now puts his phone in his pocket instead of the table, walks into the living room whenever he texts and he makes sure he doesn't see what hes doing on his phone. Not only that I was lying on his bed and saw him sign onto facebook and the first thing he does is look at the same girl's profile he's been talking to for two weeks. Last night i confronted him about it and I told him how i felt and he told me not to worry that they're just friends, she has a boyfriend, she's clean (doesn't drink) and they can just have a lot in common.He also told me he purpously hides his phone from me because hes worried that I'll overreact (and he has reason to feel that way because of the past), and overreact that they play words with friend. Today I went to look at her profile and there was multiple albums where she went out with her friends, and there are no pictures of any man on her profile pictures (do you see what i mean by small lies). And I am beginning to worry, why would he lie about that? Would he lie just to make me feel better so I stop worrying?

I don't know if I should take his word saying that he would never go behind my back and do something with someone else without admitting to it, nor does he like her at all. I asked him if we were together and he said that he told her we are working things out (which we are but we are together). We used to text all the time (i don't know if its bad timing, if were getting tired of texting because we've been together for so long) or if its because hes texting his new 'friend' and I'm boing news so he'd rather text her through out the day. A part of me wants to try to work things out and go against my gut feeling but the downfall is that this anxiety and jealousy is driving me crazy (can't sleep, can't eat, can't think straight) and another part of me wants to go against my gut feeling and another part wants me to give up and break things off to ease the pain. I hate this feeling, whenever I have an absolute reason to be jealous it kills me and ruins my life (which isn't very often). Do you think it might just be emotional cheating? Or do you think something is actually going on.

 

Advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

[PratyekaYana]

Is there any particular reason that you're subjecting yourself to this kind of emotional and psychological torment? You've already admitted to catching your boyfriend in a number of lies which has eroded your trust over the two years that you've been together. Now, you're worrying yourself over the possibility that he may be involved with another woman. Whether he is guilty of that or not is irrelevant. Why remain in a relationship without that basic platform of trust that would give you some security in considering issues such as these?

[Silivren]

Your first warning flag is the distant behavior. Cheaters often distance themselves emotionally from you.

 

The second is the fact that he is deliberately trying to distance you even further by the "spending less time" together line.

 

I believe he is already involved in an emotional relationship with this other girl. There is absolutely no reason why he can't be open and honest with you about the texts they are exchanging unless he has something to hide.

 

I want to say good for you for not snooping - it doesn't help matters to invade his privacy, this just makes you look like the bad guy. You don't need to snoop. You trust your gut on this one. You know what is going on and I can't tell you to break it off with him because that's a hard decision you're going to have to make for yourself.

 

Your gut tells you something is wrong. His actions tell you something is wrong. Don't believe the bull he is feeding you. It's only a matter of time before he either cheats or breaks up with you for her. I'm sorry to say hun but try to keep your chin up because you deserve better than this.

[Darren Steez]

Lying becomes easier and easier, especially when you've been caught in a lie and forgiven it then acted like everything is great again. Once you cross that line, there are no limits to what he can do.

Trust is gone, so it doesn't matter what he's doing because in your head you already question everything he does and scrutinize every action.

You know him best, most likely he is cheating or thinking about it and no lame ass excuse about wanting to spend more time apart so you can enjoy time together *lol, so considerate...what a guy! had to laugh at that one, gold!*

Establish boundaries, he lies again, he's out, actions must have consequences not rewards. If he really cares he'll stop his nonsense.

Good luck.

[stace79]

Your first warning flag is the distant behavior. Cheaters often distance themselves emotionally from you.

 

The second is the fact that he is deliberately trying to distance you even further by the "spending less time" together line.

 

I believe he is already involved in an emotional relationship with this other girl. There is absolutely no reason why he can't be open and honest with you about the texts they are exchanging unless he has something to hide.

 

I want to say good for you for not snooping - it doesn't help matters to invade his privacy, this just makes you look like the bad guy. You don't need to snoop. You trust your gut on this one. You know what is going on and I can't tell you to break it off with him because that's a hard decision you're going to have to make for yourself.

 

Your gut tells you something is wrong. His actions tell you something is wrong. Don't believe the bull he is feeding you. It's only a matter of time before he either cheats or breaks up with you for her. I'm sorry to say hun but try to keep your chin up because you deserve better than this.

 

 

Agreed 100 percent. This guy is not giving you any really good reasons to work things out. He is investing time and communication in a woman who is not you. And it doesn't sound like you're having much fun "working things out". I'd say hit the road and find someone who will really treat you well.

[DollyGirl12]

I have to agree with everyone else. There is no such thing as "little lies". Plain and simple, lies are lies. And when someone is telling "little lies" and thinks of it as ok, I would almost bet there are bigger lies right behind those.

I think one of the biggest reasons we are seeing more and more failed relationships is because of a basic lack of respect and consideration. If I knew what I was doing was hurting my SO, and if I loved my SO, I would most certainly not do what I knew hurt or bothered them.

You deserve better!!!!

[2sunny]

he's spending time and energy getting and BEING connected to someone besides you.

 

that is all you need to know. she is his priority...not you.

 

i'd break up with him.

 

the lies before are enough to show evidence that he's not honest. you have nothing to work from with his lies.

[Mimolicious]

Does it mean something? No, soon it will though...