heartnsol Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Hello. So I became best friends with a girl in high school. She was my best friend for three years, during which time I became friends with all of her friends, basically integrated into her group. Well, about a year and a half ago we sort of realized that we had feelings for each other. We went to colleges an hour and a half apart but still made it work for a year and a half (during which time I moved in with one of her best friends form childhood). Anyways, about a few months ago my ex cheated on me. (By the way, a word of advice: don't date your best friend, ever. When it ends, you lose so much more than just a lover.) So yeah, she cheated on me and then broke up with me. The situation was weird because allllll of our friends were mutual (I'm living with one of her oldest friends, who is now also a good friend of mine). Anyways, I was handling it best I could. Then my ex, about a month after we break up, starts dating the kid she cheated on me with. I was devastated ("how could she move on so quickly?" etc). Here is the problem: since my ex is friends with all of my friends, she's slowly been introducing the guy to all of them. I hate this dude with a passion for obvious reasons, but I don't really have any support, because everyone I know is friends with her and wants to be supportive of her too so they don't want to pick sides. This whole thing is killing me inside. What do I do? (and I get the whole, "meet new people, get new friends", but it doesn't really work like that. I love my friends, it just sucks that they're also all friends with the ex.)
Nightsky Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You’re in tough situation. Good news is many people have been through this and come out just fine. What do you think you should do?
Author heartnsol Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I honestly don't know. I've done my best to try to move on. Deleted from fb, NC, etc, but it's tough when everyone you know sort of goes, "Yeah it sucks but just deal with it, she's our friend too and we don't want to pick sides because that'll lead to just more anger." And I totally get where everyone is coming from, I do, but it just sucks and I'm just looking for a little advice on how to handle everything.
Nightsky Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Here is the problem: since my ex is friends with all of my friends, she's slowly been introducing the guy to all of them. I hate this dude with a passion for obvious reasons, but I don't really have any support, because everyone I know is friends with her and wants to be supportive of her too so they don't want to pick sides. This whole thing is killing me inside. What do I do? (and I get the whole, "meet new people, get new friends", but it doesn't really work like that. I love my friends, it just sucks that they're also all friends with the ex.) If it were me I would get new friends. If I was your friend I wouldn’t be so cool with my other friend cheating on you. If the situation was reversed and you were getting ready to introduce the girl you cheated with would every one be so cool? Things are a mess no matter what where mutual friends are concerned. People will pick sides. Even if the break up had been mutual wouldn’t it be awkward to see her, especially with a new guy? Like I said lots of people go through this, you’re going to be great.
Author heartnsol Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks so much for the kind words Yeah, I had thought about what would happen if the roles were reversed, and there really is no way to know. Our mutual friends care a lot about the both of us, so it's been really hard getting across "oh I hate her", because while they feel bad for what happened, they have known her for years and don't want to take sides. I love them all to death, the situation just sucks. Oh well, that's life I guess.
Nightsky Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks so much for the kind words Yeah, I had thought about what would happen if the roles were reversed, and there really is no way to know. Our mutual friends care a lot about the both of us, so it's been really hard getting across "oh I hate her", because while they feel bad for what happened, they have known her for years and don't want to take sides. I love them all to death, the situation just sucks. Oh well, that's life I guess. NC is about more then just deleting her FB, and phone number. You have to be willing to take your own side and remove yourself from all of this. That is true NC. When you feel better the true friends will still be there. I would remove yourself from this social group for now, and reconnect with them when you’ve healed yourself.
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