EmBro Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Hi All. I've been married to a wonderful guy for 2 years and after trying for a baby, I have just found out that I am pregnant with our first child and am about 7-8 weeks and before I got to tell anyone, let alone my husband.... I got a phonecall saying that he'd been involved in a car accident and was in a serious condition in hospital...I rushed to see him and he had been placed in a medically induced coma and has a 50/50 chance of surviving...for the past 2 days I've been practically living at the hospital...only went home at the insistence of the doctor...this isn't how I imagined my first few days of us being pregnant.....anyway...I told him whether he could hear me or not is another thing entirely...but now I have a dilemma..if I lose him I can't see me raising his baby on my own and I can't imagine raising a baby if he survives but is in a wheelchair or something like that...so basically I'm asking...do I abort the baby only for him to pull through fine and never know about it...or do I keep the baby only for him to either not make it or pull through but his quality of life is seriously lowered? E I want to do the right thing by both my husband and my baby...what do I do?
Nightsky Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 We can’t make that decision for you. What do you want to do? Is there any one you feel comfortable talking to about this? Like a mental health worker, a religious leader, or some one in your family.
cat5 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 First of all, I'm so sorry about your husband. What a terrible situation. I'll probably spark a debate with this, but whatever. If you want to do what's right by your child and husband then don't abort the baby. All of your reasons for thinking of aborting this child are about you it seems. Sure you don't want to raise a child alone or while caring for a disabled spouse. If your husband doesn't end up making it, then what better way to honor him than raising his child? That way, no matter what, he lives on. If you abort his child and he does pass, then everything of him is gone. I think you know what the right thing to do is. I'm hoping you simply wanted to hear others remind you. Best of luck and I hope your husband makes it and is completely healthy soon.
fascinated Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I don't think this is a good time to make that decision. You are in too much in shock and grief. Consider that this baby may be a living memory of your husband. <hugs>
DaisyLeigh Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I think that you need to take some time to get yourself together, then decide.
Baroness67 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 If true, this is an unimaginably tragic scenario. I am so sorry. I agree, you absolutely need professional counseling, and the support of any friends and family you have, in person. Those who know you and know your situation. Something like this might bring up all sorts of issues where you might even want to consider the feelings of both your and your husband's families, and the not improbable possibility that this might be the only biological child you might have with your husband, whom I presume you love deeply. I am very pro-choice, but honestly I think this situation is incredibly fraught with peril should you make a decision either way which you regret for the rest of your life. The help here is not the kind that is appropriate in your situation.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I am pro-choice but in this situation I would 100% say keep it.
RRM Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Hi All. I've been married to a wonderful guy for 2 years and after trying for a baby, I have just found out that I am pregnant with our first child and am about 7-8 weeks and before I got to tell anyone, let alone my husband.... I got a phonecall saying that he'd been involved in a car accident and was in a serious condition in hospital...I rushed to see him and he had been placed in a medically induced coma and has a 50/50 chance of surviving...for the past 2 days I've been practically living at the hospital...only went home at the insistence of the doctor...this isn't how I imagined my first few days of us being pregnant.....anyway...I told him whether he could hear me or not is another thing entirely...but now I have a dilemma..if I lose him I can't see me raising his baby on my own and I can't imagine raising a baby if he survives but is in a wheelchair or something like that...so basically I'm asking...do I abort the baby only for him to pull through fine and never know about it...or do I keep the baby only for him to either not make it or pull through but his quality of life is seriously lowered? E I want to do the right thing by both my husband and my baby...what do I do? First off, I'm sorry about what happened to him and I hope he pulls through and can get back to normal. I honestly think it's not the time to be thinking about abortion right now. I would focus on giving him positive energy. I would also wait until you get a prognosis before you think about what you should do with the baby and even then I would talk with a mental health professional about what to do. Again, I'm sorry this happened and I hope he pulls through. Edited May 9, 2011 by RRM
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 if I lose him I can't see me raising his baby on my own and I can't imagine raising a baby if he survives but is in a wheelchair or something like that...so basically I'm asking...do I abort the baby only for him to pull through fine and never know about it...or do I keep the baby only for him to either not make it or pull through but his quality of life is seriously lowered? E I want to do the right thing by both my husband and my baby...what do I do? This is easily the saddest story I've ever read at LS. Yet "if you lose him", why wouldn't you want his child to personify the best representation you could hope to have of that wonderful time in your life before his accident? Furthermore, if he survives but is in a wheelchair, or something like that... why won't you perceive from this moment in time that one huge thing that might motivate him to keep driving and thriving in life, no matter the setbacks, would be that new child?? Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, if he thankfully recovers to full health and happiness, surely you and he would want to share the wonderful new addition to your life. So, each scenario you've considered seems to point directly toward keeping your baby, and you would have concluded the same thing had you pondered the world from the position of someone newly confined to a wheelchair. It really is very fair that you pondered the very unique question out loud, but every angle seems to have the same answer (which is good for your biological urgency in the matter). I wish you the very best of luck.
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I wouldnt wanna be born into poverty. Would you? No, but given the choice of being born or not, I know which one I'd choose. Poverty is curable.....
TaraMaiden Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 When all seems lost in a patient, one thisng is for sure: the hearing is active and functional. Medical staff are trained to speak about the patient's condition, elsewhere. Speak of wonderful positive things to your husband. Tell him great stuff, and speak and act as if he can hear every word (it all goes in....) Really, the power of positivity is a remarkable thing. Be upbeat, and generate a desire in his sub-conscious to come back to you. I wish you well, and assure you that you are in my thoughts. I have revealed the salient facts to the Buddhist members of another forum. Trust me when I tell you - we're all rooting for you.
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