LuciaLove Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I love him in a stupid wide-eyed he's the most amazing men I've ever met, I want to grow old with him kind of way. We've been dating short of 11 months, but now I'm very seriously considering ending it. I promised myself from the beginning I would never play games, so he knews I feel this way about him. I tell him he's handsome, he's funny, he's smart..sincerely all the time. He says ' wow, you're beautiful ' - ' wow you're hot', but there's a noticed lack of anything compliment other than my physical attributes. He pursued me. Flowers, dates, promises of the future. I met his family, his kids and he met mine. - Christmas came around and he let me know that I was not invited to his family's dinner because 'his dad always invites people that are not part of the family, and an outsider would ruin the intimate family feel. they can't be themselves'. - Easter he informed me I was not invited either, because his mom couldn't handle anymore people. - I'm with him the whole weekend, then he has mother's day lunch scheduled with his mom and kids so he drops me off at home goes out with them and comes and picks me up again afterwards. I'm a 'mother' too. but nothing.. There's never any discussion about what WE are doing for the holidays. It's you're either allowed to come or not to come to what I'm doing. I'm not okay with this. I have talked to him about it, but it continues,and I can't articulate to him what needs to be different. Can someone please put it in words so it makes sense? Does anyone understand why I am upset or what i'm trying to say?
Author LuciaLove Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 ...or if he doesn't hear me should I end it?
DontWorryBHappy Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Awww, that sounds horrible. Honestly you just really need to point blank tell him something like, "I feel that I'm consistently excluded from events with your family. Is there a reason why i cannot be included? I would like to share a future with you that includes getting together with the people who are important to you. Do you want the same thing?"
artchick88 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 it seems like the feelings you have for him are not reciprocated. you want different things. you will never be truly happy in this relationship. even if things do change, will you always wish he had been more head over heels for you, the way you were for him. i'd suggest moving on... or stay and just know you want him more than he wants you. the whole part about keeping family separate is understandable if he wants to protect his kids from attachment but you said you are a 'mother' too which makes me think you're involved with their lives? also, he doesn't express love for you, only physical attraction, correct? Well, I hate to say it, but the writing is on the wall. good luck.
Author LuciaLove Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 This weekend a guy came up to me and said he wanted to kiss me (while my boyfriend was in the room). I told him no - pointing to my boyfriend. The other guy said ' We'll wait for him to go to the bathroom.' I thought this was highly disrespectful and told my boyfriend on the way home. The next day I asked him what he thinks and he didn't care. I don't want him to be jealous, but I do want him to express some discontent towards someone undermining the relationship. Writing is on the wall.
CanadianGirl83 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You love him more then he loves you. It sets up a really bad dynamic. Long term it won't work. His family doesn't accept you as his girlfriend-partner. Long term it's not going to work. He is not taking you seriously, or you being a part in his life seriously. If you have any self respect you would leave. Why do you beg a man for his affection and consideration when you freely give of yourself? It comes down to: you want him to want to consider and love you and hold you up as the most amazing precious thing. You can't ASK him to do that. If he doesn't do it - you need to leave and wait for the man who sees that in you.
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