geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I texted him tonight when I was out with my friends and said "If you really care about me, and don't want to lose me, you need to prove it to me...I don't want to lose you, but maybe it's what you want" It's been a few hours and no response...how immature is that? If he did love/care for you, you wouldn't have to place ultimatums. He'd be right there in your life, sharing it with you. You can grovel, beg, threaten but if you have to do all that, what does that tell you? You have your answer. He said he does not have time for an R with you = I don't want to be with you. Stop forcing your wants on him. He can't give you what you want. Step back. Hold on to your self-respect and dignity and stop begging this man to step up and be in your life.
WTRanger Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Closure from someone is is a myth. You might as well go look for the fountain of youth, the golden city or Atlantis. You will never, let me repeat this, never get closure from someone. Every answer they give you only brings up more questions. Closure comes from within you and you alone. You need to be secure in your actions that what you did was the right thing. You need to have enough self worth to realize that hanging around some assclown who treats you worse than a 2nd class citizen is completely unhealthy for you. Your text said nothing to him. Sorry this is going to be harsh, but your actions prove that you'll follow his dumbass around everywhere. You made that weak threat 5 months ago and guess what, you are still with him. Your text is nothing than a worthless threat and he knows you won't leave him. You huff and puff, but in the end, crawl back to him. That and texting that just shows you don't have the will to actually break up, because if you did, you wouldn't do it over text. Time to put on the big girl undies and end this with him in person. No text, no email. Do it face to face or at minimum over the phone. Everything has been confusing because you've failed to talk to him in person. You always do it the easy way and go via email or text. Well, email and text are the absolute most retarded way to talk to someone about the big issues. You cannot get any sort of emotional queues from these, therefore when he says his loads of BS, you believe him because that's what your mind wants to believe. Enough with it all. Don't be that chickn-sh*t that breaks up over email and text. Do it in person and you'll feel better about it. Yes, it will hurt. But the hurt is only going to be temporary. Right now, you are just slowly peeling that band-aid off. Time to give it one big yank and be over with it.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Closure from someone is is a myth. You might as well go look for the fountain of youth, the golden city or Atlantis. You will never, let me repeat this, never get closure from someone. Every answer they give you only brings up more questions. Closure comes from within you and you alone. You need to be secure in your actions that what you did was the right thing. You need to have enough self worth to realize that hanging around some assclown who treats you worse than a 2nd class citizen is completely unhealthy for you. Your text said nothing to him. Sorry this is going to be harsh, but your actions prove that you'll follow his dumbass around everywhere. You made that weak threat 5 months ago and guess what, you are still with him. Your text is nothing than a worthless threat and he knows you won't leave him. You huff and puff, but in the end, crawl back to him. That and texting that just shows you don't have the will to actually break up, because if you did, you wouldn't do it over text. Time to put on the big girl undies and end this with him in person. No text, no email. Do it face to face or at minimum over the phone. Everything has been confusing because you've failed to talk to him in person. You always do it the easy way and go via email or text. Well, email and text are the absolute most retarded way to talk to someone about the big issues. You cannot get any sort of emotional queues from these, therefore when he says his loads of BS, you believe him because that's what your mind wants to believe. Enough with it all. Don't be that chickn-sh*t that breaks up over email and text. Do it in person and you'll feel better about it. Yes, it will hurt. But the hurt is only going to be temporary. Right now, you are just slowly peeling that band-aid off. Time to give it one big yank and be over with it. If she can't follow through via email, I doubt she will be able to do it face to face. It may be the cowardly way to do it, but as emotional as she is, ending it with the person you love right in front of you is a difficult thing to do, more so when you're waffling and can't stand your ground. The suggestion to do it via email is to save her from confronting him and being in a position to have this man in her face trying to change her mind. She's already struggling so there's no need to call her a chicken ****. I'd tell her to do it face to face if he was worthy, but he isn't. It's more of a concern as to which is the best way to save her from getting sucked in again.
Author justagirrl Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 If she can't follow through via email, I doubt she will be able to do it face to face. It may be the cowardly way to do it, but as emotional as she is, ending it with the person you love right in front of you is a difficult thing to do, more so when you're waffling and can't stand your ground. The suggestion to do it via email is to save her from confronting him and being in a position to have this man in her face trying to change her mind. She's already struggling so there's no need to call her a chicken ****. I'd tell her to do it face to face if he was worthy, but he isn't. It's more of a concern as to which is the best way to save her from getting sucked in again. Thank you geegirl. I know where she is coming from about the "talking in person" i even said how I'd rather do that than e-mail or text, but in the position i'm in now, he doesn't deserve that after everything i've done for him and the way he treats me now =/ He's very immature for his age which I've come to realize after dating him all this time. But we've had so many good times together that it makes me forget about other things that he does...I haven't sent an e-mail yet, but I'm doing a lot of thinking, and NC still.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Thank you geegirl. I know where she is coming from about the "talking in person" i even said how I'd rather do that than e-mail or text, but in the position i'm in now, he doesn't deserve that after everything i've done for him and the way he treats me now =/ He's very immature for his age which I've come to realize after dating him all this time. But we've had so many good times together that it makes me forget about other things that he does...I haven't sent an e-mail yet, but I'm doing a lot of thinking, and NC still. You dont need to send him anything. Just cut him off and thats it. He will try to tell you things he knows you want to hear to keep you on the leash, but remember that hes just now doing it just to keep you as his booty call. By the way, you wanted to find out how he feels about you because he wouldnt tell you, but Ill tell you. He never had feelings for you, thats why he didnt tell you. he doesnt want to te3ll you things that will get you more attached to him. He has to keep you at arms length, but keep throwing you crumbs so he can keep the sex coming. You might even be a rebound. Whatever it is, hes never been into you enough to WANT a relationship with you. You should have known this when he told you straight up that he didnt want a relationship with you.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 You'll do what's best for you. If you can stand to see him, break up and follow through with your decision, then do it. If you can't, do it the way that best protects you and your decision to move forward. There is the good, but it's only a little piece of what is being offered to you right now compared to what you will have if you are/were in a full on relationship.
Leda Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I don't think you should worry about what you do or don't say to him, whether you break up or set boundaries or give ultimatums by text or in person or over the phone. HE knows you don't mean it. YOU know you don't mean it. You want him to stay with you on your terms, he won't do that, so you stay with him on his terms. I don't think meeting him in person to give the bandaid a big yank would necessarily help. I think you should start thinking of ways to INTERNALLY detach, in your own head and heart. I know it's hard. There really is no such thing as closure unless we happen to fully fall out of love with someone. For most people, that never happens! So you have to move on anyway so that the rest of your life isn't miserable. Whatever happens with him on the outside (and I think No Contact would be best, but the spirit of No Contact, not spending the whole time obsessing), on the inside maybe you can: -creep towards believing in your head that there are guys you haven't even laid eyes on yet who you will have an easy, fun, passionate, totally mutual and not-shameful connection with, who will be ready to treat you right and proud to be a couple. And you will find them ridiculously hot. -spend a few of the moments a day you spend thinking about him visualizing a door closing and locking, and a new door opening to a life where you are not suffering -do some activities that give you a crazy shot of adrenaline and excitement, where you're not thinking about this at all. The position you're in now, where you keep giving him ultimatums about how he should treat you if he doesn't want to lose you, is just full of suffering. It's like saying, "Oh, you don't want any of this ice cream? Well, guess what, I'll prove to you that you messed up by taking the ice cream away!" Abandon it, and him.
WTRanger Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Read some of the posts on here about people who have been broken up with via text or email. Read what they have to say about that person and their character or lack of. Don't be that person! If you do it over text or email, you become that nutty person who everyone makes fun of. It's even worse if you just stop and don't say anything. Email and text is bad, but cutting him off will create drama like you've never seen before. Again, you go that route, you give him all of the power in the break-up. Everyone will console him for having been broken up with in the socially stigmatized way, and will shun you for doing it. If you can have sex with him, give him your body, feel comfortable enough with him to let him see you naked, then talking to him really isn't such a bad thing. You've shown him everything else, so let him see your heart. Let him see you angry. Yell, rant, rave, whatever. It's okay. Face to face is the best way, though it's the hardest way. At least when it's over you can congratulate yourself for standing up to him in person. It's a small step to finding your self worth. It'll boost your self confidence that you can handle anything and that you can stand up for what you believe in, that you don't need some chump in your life if he's going to treat you like crap. You do this right, and after you've healed you will be a completely different woman. You will be beyond strong. If you cop-out, you'll keep putting yourself back in the same spot just with different guys. Face it. Right now, you are an option to someone you've made a priority. What if you had a little sister who was being treated this way? What would you say to her? Shoot, what would the 6 year old version of you say to yourself? Edited May 10, 2011 by WTRanger
Author justagirrl Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 I did the dumbest thing...I couldn't take it anymore.. I texted him saying "If you really care about me, and don't want to lose me, you need to prove it to me....I don't want to lose you but it seems like that's what you want. I miss the way things were before all the stress from school. Do you want to keep dating?" My best friend who's been with her boyfriend for 2 years helped me with it and she said I shouldn't just end it but see where his head's at. I regret it because he didn't answer for a few hours and then said "my baddd I just woke upppp." I was like oh okay. Then he didn't say anything. An hour later I said "can we talk?" and he said "I'm in class listening to presentations." Which is not true because he was done with school yesterday. Then I said "If you're free sometime today, it would be nice if we could meet up to talk." .....he did not answer and still hasn't. I can't even explain the pit in my stomach right now. The things I did for him, and I get treated like this? I should have stuck to the plan and just sent him an e-mail ending things for good. Now I feel horrible.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Tried to tell you, you gonna listen now? or are you going to enjoy this emotional roller coaster that you keep putting yourself on?
geegirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 I did the dumbest thing...I couldn't take it anymore.. I texted him saying "If you really care about me, and don't want to lose me, you need to prove it to me....I don't want to lose you but it seems like that's what you want. I miss the way things were before all the stress from school. Do you want to keep dating?" My best friend who's been with her boyfriend for 2 years helped me with it and she said I shouldn't just end it but see where his head's at. I regret it because he didn't answer for a few hours and then said "my baddd I just woke upppp." I was like oh okay. Then he didn't say anything. An hour later I said "can we talk?" and he said "I'm in class listening to presentations." Which is not true because he was done with school yesterday. Then I said "If you're free sometime today, it would be nice if we could meet up to talk." .....he did not answer and still hasn't. I can't even explain the pit in my stomach right now. The things I did for him, and I get treated like this? I should have stuck to the plan and just sent him an e-mail ending things for good. Now I feel horrible. I'm sorry hun. You did what you did and there's no way of taking it back. Learn from it. You can tell that he doesn't want to deal with you or touch your requests with a ten foot pole. In some situations, you have to get beaten down to a pulp before you learn. I hope you're there. Stop begging. It's making him lose respect for you even more. He can't give you what you want. Accept it. You can't squeeze it out of him, force it on him, beg him for it...you can't. He's telling you by his actions and even from his words that he does not want it. What else do you need in order to get it?
Author justagirrl Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Ok, so he eventually answered me last night. ME: at this point i feel like you're taking advantage of me and it really hurts after all the good times we had and the things i've done for you. HIM: what are u talking about??? ME: i've been nothing but good to you, it's not fair...please don't act like you're confused HIM: what the hell?? no...what the hell are you talking about? you've done so much for me? what have you done? ME: I just go out of my way sometimes...i know how much performing means to you and I came to your performance and I was the only one of your friends that showed up. HIM: what's there to talk about? I don't want a relationship. [ HE TOLD ME HE EVENTUALLY WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, just not during school because he was too busy. The truth came out ] ME: dating and actually being interested in someone, and hitting someone up when it's convienient are two diff things, and i'm just confused as to what you want with me right now. you act so different when we're together. I just want you to be real with me what do u want? HIM: friendship! [ What a low thing to say to someone you've been seeing for 5 months and being intimate with...spending a lot of time with...getting close with....just bull**** i wanted to bitch him out at that point ] ME: you know you told me I'm the only girl you're "dating" tho right? that's where u confuse me because people who date usually don't just date so they can be friends. remember when i took care of you all night new years eve on my couch until you fell asleep? ..i can't change how you feel. HIM: ok? lol what does that mean? ME: what do you mean by friendship? because you basically just told me you thought this was friends with benefits.... HIM: what do you want? lol ME: I asked you. HIM: let's be friends, that's easier ME: you sure? HIM: i liked hooking up ME: me too but I wouldn't have let myself get feelings for you if you told me you just wanted to be friends when this all started.. HIM: let's try it and see how it goes ME: do you do stuff like this with other friends? and be honest, bc if we're just friends, you obviously have other friends so i'm not if you're gonna see other people. HIM: you are too much lol always analyzin ****ttt =p ME: The way we are, I think I have a right to...so is that a yes or no? HIM: that's a NO ME: ok So, that was the outcome. During this conversation, I think I realized that he's immature. VERY VERY immature for his age. He just graduated from Rutgers, a GREAT SCHOOL....and he just started working at the store Abercrombie & Fitch.......wow, sorry but when I graduate college or at least when I'm a senior in college I hope to at least have an internship during it and have job interviews lined up for when I graduate. He has no plan except see how his singing career goes and try out for American Idol again (which he didn't make last year). I know I shouldn't...but I realized I never want a relationship with him after he put me through this. I guess we're gonna be friends with benefits and see how that goes. I don't think there will be any problems...I ended the conversation last night. I'm not contacting him until he contacts me and if he doesn't then that's that but I know he will. ugh..whatever. Girls know....he has a BANGIN body like...I can't even explain. We're never gonna be in a relationship...why not have fun it's summer.
geegirl Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 So you pushed him into a corner and it all came out. You have your answers.
kaycstamper Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 For gawd's sake, don't break up by email, yes that is cowardly. My finance broke up with me by Fed Ex with no warning, let me tell you, it's a shocker. email and Fed Ex do not give a chance for a person to read body language or ask any questions or clarify anything. It is just plain disrespectful and it doesn't sound like he deserves this. Yes you have some jealousy issues you need to work on being more secure in yourself. However, if the relationship isn't working, there's no need for you to stay in it. I just suggest getting together in person and talking face to face. How would you like someone to break up with you by email? That sucks and I can't believe someone would suggest it.
Author justagirrl Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 For gawd's sake, don't break up by email, yes that is cowardly. My finance broke up with me by Fed Ex with no warning, let me tell you, it's a shocker. email and Fed Ex do not give a chance for a person to read body language or ask any questions or clarify anything. It is just plain disrespectful and it doesn't sound like he deserves this. Yes you have some jealousy issues you need to work on being more secure in yourself. However, if the relationship isn't working, there's no need for you to stay in it. I just suggest getting together in person and talking face to face. How would you like someone to break up with you by email? That sucks and I can't believe someone would suggest it. I think you're confused.......maybe you didn't read the whole thread.
kaycstamper Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) If you are certain that you want to break up and this is not working for you, then do it via email. I know it is the cowardly thing to do but he's not be very careful about your feelings either. There were other references to doing it by email or FB too. If you feel he's already broken off with you then no need to say do anything, just go NC and move on. Edited May 11, 2011 by kaycstamper
Recommended Posts