How do I convince myself to finally break up with him?

[purplepanda]

I keep posting things every couple of days because I'm so scared and confused. (And this is going to be long)

 

I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I keep changing my mind. We live an hour apart, so one reason why it's hard to finally do it is because I know we'll see each other a lot this summer. Another is that I've never found someone I have so much in common with. And I'm talking about the way we get excited about things, our stubbornness, personality traits like that.

 

And because I really thought that he was sorry for things he had done when we broke up a year ago. I guess I brought all of this to myself... I hadn't spoken to him in such a long time and I thought he had changed. No, he hasn't. Except that I don't believe he loves me like he says he does.

 

A lot of things that I'm going to say, I have no PROOF: but his actions really bother me and make me think they're true. A few weeks ago, he asked a girl I know for pictures of her boobs. He did not deny that, which surprised me. He admitted it and apologized... I was upset, but I thought, 'Hey we'll get through this'. (And he did not ask for another chance...he was prepared to never speak to me again). Since then he really hasn't done anything, he just never told me he did a ton of stuff to his ex girlfriend. Back in January said ex gf called MY parents and made up a BUNCH of stuff that was not true. So it's kind of hard to believe her now.

 

On thursday, he told me he had no school friday, so he was going to school in a town 12 miles away from him, with his best friend's girlfriend. I asked that best friend if it was true. Two days later, after he DID NOT go to school with anyone, cause he spent the day and night with me, his friend answered. "He wasn't going with my girlfriend. He was going with a random girl to hook up with." A minute or so later he said, "He never SAID he was going to hook up with anyone, but that's what I assume."

 

The fact is, he lied to me about who he was going with. And HE brought it up: "I'm going to school with (his friend's name)'s girlfriend." I called him out, he flipped out, called me names, then tried to put some sort of blame on me. O.o

 

Yesterday i was looking at his most recent ex's facebook...I scrolled all the way down to when they first broke up. Someone asked her why.. She hinted. then once she finally flat out told whoever asked: "He cheated on me. He lied ALL the time." I got her number, and we texted for a few hours. I'm not sure whether or not to believe her, but I had to know. he told me they broke up because he was talking to a lot of girls.

 

She said yes, that was it. And he made dates with a ton of them. once when she was in Texas, away from home. I can't help but not believe it because of what he's done in the past...

 

He ignored me for about 24 hours after that fight. I wanted to talk things through, he wanted to put it off to "never". :/ After his ex told me all this stuff and more ("He was so stuck on thinking you were obsessed with him. He tried to show me letters you wrote him when you got back together. he won't leave me alone, and I'm happy with my new boyfriend."), I told him I'd been talking to her. I told him that I didn't know what to believe, but that I knew there was some truth in what she said. otherwise, how could she have known about all those letters?

 

Tell me if I'm right, here...

I have come to the conclusion that he does NOT love me: he stopped a year ago. He is a multidater (wannabe). I am NOT his first choice for a relationship. he came back to get back at his ex for breaking up with him, even though he was the one that ruined THAT relationship. He ignores me, until he wants something. Like when he knows he'll hang out with me. I do everything in the world to show that i care. He gives nothing in return.

 

He will never stop talking to girls that I feel uncomfortable with him talking to, he will never change. He will never stop lying, or stop being sick in some way ("I'm going to therapy now", "I passed out today", "I think I just had a seizure").

 

If he never did anything I asked if he did, he wouldn't freak out and ignore me and call me names and try to make me feel bad... He'd be more gentle about things. He will never grow up. He will never go anywhere.

 

He only wants me because others want me, and there's no one better (yet).

 

And yet, somehow...I find it so hard to do. not only because I love him SO MUCH, and have never felt this way, and our relationship used to be so GOOD and HAPPY...but because he won't talk to me about it. Idk if this is a good sign or not. But I know it means he doesn't want to break up. Or just doesn't want to work to fix things, or compromise.

Sorry it was so long.

[LuciaLove]

It comes down to RESPECT.

 

Following your own intuition, because honey, if you're feeling something isn't right it isn't.

 

Sometimes us girls are emotional; but if a guy loves you he will do everything to address your feelings (irrational or not).

 

One good principal is to never talk to your boyfriend's exes. They're NOT RELIABLE sources. They are not going to give you accurate information or the very least scewed. In the future, stay very far away from this type of interaction.

 

Any man that calls you names, and blames you is not worth your time. Why are you putting up with that?

 

The long and short of it is: Get out, cut off all contact with him, and find a good guy (they do exist) that treats you how you deserve to be treated.

 

Lastly, break ups are hard. It's going to suck for a little bit - bit it will be okay before you know it, and you'll be happier.

[stace79]

It doesn't sound like he brings anything positive to your life. Even if he wasn't cheating (and it sounds like he is), what good does he add to your life, other than just being able to say "I have a boyfriend"?

 

It's obviously not easy, or none of us would be here with our problems. But you know what you need to do. You just have to find the strength within yourself to do it.

[purplepanda]

He broke up with me last night...for the girl he cheated with. She didn't know we got back together (we had a fight, broke up for a week, got back together AGAIN), and she told my friend, "She may have been with him but he was MINE".

 

I deleted pictures of us, his number and erased all calls from/to him in my call log, so I can try to forget his number.

 

It feels like I've been stabbed in the chest...

[Woman In Blue]

Purple, this is no more than a teenage romance gone bad. Right now, you think this is the end of the world as you know it.

 

It's not, trust me.

 

Young boys are just one big hormone waiting for a place to happen. Expecting them to act civilized is asking way too much of them at this age. Hell, it's asking way too much of most of them even at 30 years old.

 

Just don't place too many expectations in the next one and date for fun and companionship, not for some deep, committed relationship. There's plenty of time in the future for that.

[DollyGirl12]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard to hear, but you are young and there are many wonderful men out there waiting for you.

Regardless of your age, however, this guy just doesn't cut it. He has a history of lying, that is not a good thing. You have to ask yourself if you want to go through life with someone that is constantly lying? Probably not.

He also uses manipulation to keep you hanging. Just the fact that he was "prepared to never speak to you again" is extremely manipulative. He wants, and has, all the control.

Don't you think you deserve better???

HUGS!!

[purplepanda]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard to hear, but you are young and there are many wonderful men out there waiting for you.

Regardless of your age, however, this guy just doesn't cut it. He has a history of lying, that is not a good thing. You have to ask yourself if you want to go through life with someone that is constantly lying? Probably not.

He also uses manipulation to keep you hanging. Just the fact that he was "prepared to never speak to you again" is extremely manipulative. He wants, and has, all the control.

Don't you think you deserve better???

HUGS!!

 

Now he wants to be friends. He said he'll do everything he can to talk to me. He said, "i broke up with you because in a year I'll be going into the air force and I wouldn't want to leave you behind so it's better that I end it now." I said, 'you don't love me if you're with someone else. Period." He said, When I get out of the air force I'm going to go find you. And we WILL be together.

 

once again, he's treating me like those gross candies called "Now and Later". :(