orion1010 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 So after these text messages i thought i was over. After our third date, about 4 days later, we had the convo below and I thought it was over. The next day he texted me to say he was "sorry for everything last night". I said I was sorry things ended like that too. He said he really wanted to see me after work and I agreed. We talked about the kid thing b/c i felt like that really bothered him. I told him that if I only see a guy every once in awhile, I will lose interest. He promised me more time. We slept together.. and now it's back to text msgs again. He's starting to use words like "hun" in text msgs now too. Does anyone else feel weird about cutsie names like hun or babe so soon? How slow should people take things in general when first dating? How many times a week should you spend time together to start a healthy relationship? Thanks! 2:04 pm Me: Hey cutie, how is your day? 2:12 pm Him:Hey! it's good so far. going by fast. urs? 2:20 pm Me: Just started and naot a bad start 2:22 pm Hiim: Good to hear, how was your movie last night? 2:33 pm Me: would have been bettter with you. 2:42 pm him: i woulda distracted you tho! HAHA 2:49 pm ME: perhaps. but that is a good thing in a way. 2:54 pm Him: I aggree! 4:48 pm Him: ok, now today is dragging on 5:02 pm me: ugh. me too. I really want to let lose and have glass of wine tonight. High stress, busy work week 5:11 pm him: several glasses of wine? lol 5:15 pm me: why not. lol.time to let lose. wanna join me? 5:20 pm him: i gotta bowl in aa tourney. lol.. last one of the year. i swear 8:34 pm him: u upset with me? 8:36 pm me: no just busy at work 8:39 pm him: oh. ok wasn't sure 9:59 pm him: how's the drinking going 9:59 pm me: still at work 1000 pm him: thought you were done at 9? 1000 on me: no 10 on thurs 1012 pm him: yay! your done! lol 1013 pm me: yeah, playin slots for a bit to unwind then going home 1014 pm him: hope you win big! 1014 pm me: Never do! 1017 pm him: yeah, me either, I like playing blackjack 1026 pm him: I'm sorry im so busy 1032 pm me: It's ok. i just think we wont have much time to get to know each other. I would never ask you to stop doing the things you like. 1035 pm him: Well it's never easy with my schedule. it will be a little better now tho 1059 pm him: Next friday for our dinner? 1102 pm me: Jake, I think we want different things. 1127 pm me: I don't want weirdness. you didn't respond to me. im sorry but getting to know someone or dating via text msg isnt for me. i like you but we just don't have time. 1131 pm him: when didn't i respond? 1131 pm me: to my last msg 1133 pm him: well i never got your last msg then...i asked you if you wanted to do our dinner next friday 1134 pm me: I said we are looking for different things. that msg 1134 pm him: I never got that msg 1137 pm him: I think we want the same thing but different things out of the relationship.. which really sucsk b/c i really like you. 1139 pm me: I really like you too. but i guess what do you want if you think we want different things yet the same thing? 1142 pm him: Well. i wanna settle down and all that but when you said you didn't want ur own kids definitly made me think a little bc i want my own children 1142 pm me: ugh..that is something id give to a guy im married to. but we don't have any business talking about that yet. 1145 pm him: well you just mentioned you weren't ever for it and it was somethign i needed to concider before we went further. 1147 pm me: Im not for what it takes to go through it nt if i met i guy i really loved and was married to then i would give him children. but i guess you shold have asked more questions. 1149 pm him: well you made it sound like you would only have kids if it was an accident... so i just dropped it. 1151 pm me: yeah. right now. we are not talking about long term serious marrige stuff here. i was avoiding too much serious talk. 1154 pm him: i understand. idk.. just worried now. i don't want you to have kids just bc the guy wants that and you'll give him that. ya know? kids should be a mutual thing. 1157 pm me: I know and I'm married or in love yet to go there. I never wanted one utnil then. That's my condition. i don't want to be a single mom. 1159 pm me: can you just call me? 1202 am him: well you should have said that. you made it sould completly out of the question unless it was an accident... we can talk about it later k? im off to bed. 1205 am me: you have no idea who i am. not talking abou this later. lets just be friends and not let weirdness come between us. 1206 am him: if that's what you want. 1215 am him: Take care of yourself k? I'll find what your looking for. i know you will. 1216 am me: you do the same. thanks. 1220 am him: whoops.. meant i know you will.. not i'll lol
Pianiste Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 The way people apply cute names is so different per person that you can't really tell whether it's good or bad, some use them from the moment you meet them! There isn't a set rule as to how many times you should see eachother or how slow people should take it. But to me it sounds like you two have plenty to talk about so maybe you should focus on that aspect when you meet, talking + activity. Get to know eachother better, also on lighter subjects, so that there's a better foundation for any possible outcome.
SmileFace Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My ex called me babe after dating for a while. It didn't make a difference to me. My friend said it was sweet of him. I shrugged it off. I said he must call all girls that. He only used my name during arguments. Anyway to get to the point. I sent him a text after the break up from a different number. He didn't know it was me. However when he was guessing he said " Just tell me babe". Point of the story - "cutsie" names don't mean anything to some people.
FrostFire Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Wait so I'm confused. You said you talked about the children issue but then slept together? Unless I'm misunderstanding what "slept together" entails as in sex. So first need to get that cleared up. If you did sleep together then I feel you just got "guilted" into sleeping with him. :mad:Perhaps not. :confused:Need to hear more on what happened after this episode. As far as playful cutsie names are concerned, some guys like to use them as a way to flirt and create that sort of "spark." I'm sure it's nothing bad though. Enjoy the cute names! We guys have to get creative sometimes. It's fun!! Edited May 10, 2011 by FrostFire
veggirl Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 The next week will probably be pretty defiant. You probably shouldn't have slept with him right after that big texting thing, but whats done is done. I don't really care for guys calling me babe, sweetie, hun, etc all the time early on. I like them to say my freakin name If they use NNs early on, I assume they call all girls that so it's kinda meh.
runner Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 i just can't get over the fact that this was done over sms. i mean- if you can't talk about this stuff in person, regardless of the time of day, that seems like a pretty big communication issue.
FrostFire Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 It just sounds like the typical guy using an excuse to guilt a woman into feeling bad for him and making her feel vulnerable. Just the way most guys looking for sex play the game and then leave. Come back and get some more when they want to not really giving a crap about the other stuff. But definitely playing the game of leading a woman on. Now, I am not one of those guys that cares about having a child or not. In fact, I do know some guys don't want to be with a woman if she's not ever open to having children. It could be this was his fear so I'll give him that. What seems more like the red flag is the text behavior after having slept with you. What's so hard in him calling you? You spend more minutes texting back and forth than you could just talking things out over the phone. Honestly, he promises more time? Yet you're still texting and not seeing each other? Has he made plans to see you again? I hope soon...for his sake.
Author orion1010 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 It just sounds like the typical guy using an excuse to guilt a woman into feeling bad for him and making her feel vulnerable. Just the way most guys looking for sex play the game and then leave. Come back and get some more when they want to not really giving a crap about the other stuff. But definitely playing the game of leading a woman on. Now, I am not one of those guys that cares about having a child or not. In fact, I do know some guys don't want to be with a woman if she's not ever open to having children. It could be this was his fear so I'll give him that. What seems more like the red flag is the text behavior after having slept with you. What's so hard in him calling you? You spend more minutes texting back and forth than you could just talking things out over the phone. Honestly, he promises more time? Yet you're still texting and not seeing each other? Has he made plans to see you again? I hope soon...for his sake. Yes, we did talk about the kid thing in person the next night. he says he wants his own family and does not want start a possible relationship with someone he thinks may never want kids. We did have the talk of seeing each other more after the kid talk. both in person. Then after we both talked about what we wanted, i did give in and sleep with him. I told him to start out I don't want to move too fast but I do want to see him once or twice a week. I don't think that the kid thing was a move to get into my pants. lol.. at least i hope not!! We don't have any set plans yet for this week but we will see. he says he's really busy which i do believe b/c he was in 3 bowling leagues which just ended. now he as baseball twice a week and golf once a week. all leagues. we works 2 jobs and works 7 days a week. I know with schedules, things will be hard, but i do expect some time from him or I will lose interest.
Author orion1010 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Wait so I'm confused. You said you talked about the children issue but then slept together? Unless I'm misunderstanding what "slept together" entails as in sex. So first need to get that cleared up. If you did sleep together then I feel you just got "guilted" into sleeping with him. :mad:Perhaps not. :confused:Need to hear more on what happened after this episode. As far as playful cutsie names are concerned, some guys like to use them as a way to flirt and create that sort of "spark." I'm sure it's nothing bad though. Enjoy the cute names! We guys have to get creative sometimes. It's fun!! Yeah, i should have clarified.. we did have sex together after the baby talk and the talk about making time for each other. I don't know why, but the cute little pet names put me off so early. maybe because it's feeling too much like a relationship too quickly. He did tell me more than once he wants someone to come home to, settle down, etc.. so im i hope the baby talk thing wasn't a ploy to get me to feel bad for him and have sex with him.
FrostFire Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Only time will tell I guess. It seems like kids are the only thing on his mind and we all know what kids means... sex... Basically, you told him you didn't want kids with just anyone. Yet he made you feel bad for him and you completely surrendered your body for him? With sex comes kids even with protection. You realize that you just contradicted what you said in that earlier text message to him. It's possible in your face to face conversation you truly fell for his "game." It feels to me he used such a pathetic excuse to get into your pants but I've been wrong. Let's just wait and see if he follows through with his part of the bargain. You have set your own time frame, correct? I mean you're not going to wait around forever... If he does follow through then I think you have a genuine guy on your hands. A little early for sex but whatever I guess. Sex can maintain a bond between a couple like none other. Especially in relationships where there are not too many times to spend together. However, it just can't be all about sex. Talk about other things besides children now since that's been beaten around. Edited May 10, 2011 by FrostFire
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 Wow that was a really wacky conversation for 3rd/4th date territory. I don't think I had my first real argument with my wife until 5-6 months after we started dating. And BTW that guy's grammar/spelling is awful, he wouldn't make it past the 3rd date with me lol.
Author orion1010 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Thanks for the feedback guys I really appreciate it. I didn't connect the sex thing with the baby thing. I just wanted him and he just wanted me at the time. that's all i saw it as. I did not set a time frame fire frost fire. do you mean a time frame as in getting him to make time for me? If so, what do you think is reasonable? I don't want to be too pushy so early, yet I don't want to see this guy just a few times a month. I want to leave it in his hands to make plans because he's so busy. Twice before this little text fight I've tried to make plans and he said he was busy and didn't try to make plans or suggest another day. He's the one who asked to see me after the fight which was the last time we saw each other and we had sex. I don't want to come on too strong now. Early stages of dating are so confusing! AHH! lol
Author orion1010 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Wow that was a really wacky conversation for 3rd/4th date territory. I don't think I had my first real argument with my wife until 5-6 months after we started dating. And BTW that guy's grammar/spelling is awful, he wouldn't make it past the 3rd date with me lol. I agree... I thought it was too fast too and took the little text fight as an excuse to not see me anymore. Or, I thought he could be serious and wanted to end it there b/c it was too fast for me to talk about. After all that and we were face to face the next day, I said we should quick talk about how i feel when it comes to kids b/c i felt it was important to him. he said it wasn't that big of deal, but he was very open to talk about it an listen to me. I think he was trying to play it cool.
FrostFire Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Fact of the matter is, if he's texting you ever day and being consistent with everything then I don't see a problem. However, at some point texting will only do so much before you'll want that person to person contact. The time frame I am talking about is how much time are you going to give him before he "makes time for you" face to face? Are you going to wait months? Basically I'm asking, how long are you going to fall for the "I'm soo busy" excuse before you realize he's not really that interested? Then ask yourself this tough question. Do I see myself with this man who is so busy and does not have time for me right now? Truly answer that and you'll know how long you're willing to wait. Life is precious and so amazing. Don't let some guy waste your time and toy with your emotions. Be realistic about what you want and seek it! It might not be the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, but you will find the right one! When you do it will be so beautiful. Edited May 10, 2011 by FrostFire
Author orion1010 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 Fact of the matter is, if he's texting you ever day and being consistent with everything then I don't see a problem. However, at some point texting will only do so much before you'll want that person to person contact. The time frame I am talking about is how much time are you going to give him before he "makes time for you" face to face? Are you going to wait months? Basically I'm asking, how long are you going to fall for the "I'm soo busy" excuse before you realize he's not really that interested? Then ask yourself this tough question. Do I see myself with this man who is so busy and does not have time for me right now? Truly answer that and you'll know how long you're willing to wait. Life is precious and so amazing. Don't let some guy waste your time and toy with your emotions. Be realistic about what you want and seek it! It might not be the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, but you will find the right one! When you do it will be so beautiful. thanks so much for you great feedback and it looks like i have some thinking about. I do agree.. life is too short and I've wasted time in the past with other relationships hoping it would workout. I guess I will give him a couple of weeks to start putting in more effort to see me. Perhapes, that's too fast for some?? but for me.. like I've already told him.. I don't want to date via text msg. Will def keep everyone posted with any more issues or process that happens. I value getting outside perspective. Thanks!
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