stace79 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I am really struggling with the situation with my ex. We have been on & off for at least four years. We have had breaks for just a couple weeks to six months long. We always seem to come back to each other, even after casually dating other people. I know I love this man. He certainly has his flaws, as do I, but I love him anyway and just can't imagine being with anybody else. I want to work out our issues with him. He says he feels the same way and that he still loves me. When we are together, he definitely shows his love for me. He doesn't want to just "jump back into a relationship" again. He thinks that the last time we got back together, we rushed into things, and that is why we were unsuccessful. I suspect he also wants to save face with our families and friends. How stupid will we both look if we rush into saying we are together but then break up again? Problem is I'm having a hard time justifying making all this effort for someone who doesn't know if we are going to make the jump back to a relationship at some point. He wants to go to counseling with me, which would require us both chipping in on the costs, and I would have to take personal time off from work to go to the appointments. If we are not "together", I don't know that it's worth the effort. I need some sort of investment on his part, and I'm not getting it. I feel like he is not making an investment nor taking any risk right now. He is even still in touch by email or phone/text with the girl he dated while we were not together. So, if in four weeks he decides we still aren't working out, he can just say so and go right back to dating her, and he hasn't missed any work (he has a more flexible schedule than me), etc. I feel like I'm the only one with something to lose. I don't even care if we don't tell our friends/family or change our FB statuses or anything like that. I just want to know that it's just "us" and we are working out our problems together. I don't want to invest so much effort into something that might have a flip-of-a-coin chance. Any suggestions for some kind of compromise?
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