JeOlpre Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I recently discovered that the man I married 10 years ago and have three children with has a girlfriend and two children with her. The girlfriend I have known since the day I met my husband and was his brother's girlfriend. LIE! This man has lied to me since the day I met him; I can't believe the other woman was willing to live in the situation she has for all this time. I think their relationship has ended (not certain) and that is why I'm now discovering this awful truth. I find myself debating on whether or not to leave him. What makes me stay? THREE KIDS...I don't want to be single with THREE kids. I don't want to fight for custody, I don't want my kids growing up in a single parent home. The boys need a father; however, looking at the current situation, not sure what kind of morals (if any) he can offer them. Why do I want out? I can't trust him, he's lied to me since the day he met me....nothing has been the truth for 10 years. I'm beyond shocked that I just don't know what to do....please someone offer me advice....
Kilty Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Sometimes you think your own situation is bad then you read something like this. What a terrible predicament and unfortunately you are not alone. I could tell you an exact same story of a friend at work who married a guy and had his child. Turns out he was seeing his ex wife AND another girl who he also had a child to. Only you can decide whats best for your kids. I'm no lawyer but id say all rights are with you to sue his ass off for alimony if you get rid of him- but thats no guarantee you will get any. The easy advice is to run like the wind and get shot of him but i understand the ties that you have with this chancer.
Author JeOlpre Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 What did your friend do at work? Leave him or stay? I guess my biggest question is, how would I ever trust my husband? He has NEVER been honest with me. Is this man capable of being honest. I don't know if he's even able to change. I'm not sure if he has a mental problem or what...but, really, how could any person do that to someone? In my head, I'm thinking this man is truly sick and so is the whore he's had on the side all these many years. This woman would talk to me, come over to our house. How could any woman in her right mind stand for a situation like that? I would NEVER have another man's child knowing full well that he is married and making children with another woman.
vsmini Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I don't have kids and have not been married and this question is not rhetorical or meant to offend: When your kids grow up and if they found themselves in this same situation -what would you want them to do? Be the example you wish to set for your kids. I think if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her staying with that man for anything.
Kilty Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 What did your friend do at work? Leave him or stay? I guess my biggest question is, how would I ever trust my husband? He has NEVER been honest with me. Is this man capable of being honest. I don't know if he's even able to change. I'm not sure if he has a mental problem or what...but, really, how could any person do that to someone? In my head, I'm thinking this man is truly sick and so is the whore he's had on the side all these many years. This woman would talk to me, come over to our house. How could any woman in her right mind stand for a situation like that? I would NEVER have another man's child knowing full well that he is married and making children with another woman. At first she even considered keeping him her head was so far up her backside at that point - plus she was at her lowest ebb, depressed and vulnerable. Thankfully she dumped him and moved on with her life. Dont think he even keeps in contact with the little girl either. I think you know deep down what you need to do going by your emotions x
kaycstamper Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I know you're hurt, shocked and scared, it always feels like that when your life is about to change big time but in this case, it needs to change. What would you get out of it if you kept him? More lies, more cheating and nothing in it for you or your kids. My advice would be to go see an attorney today and find out for and begin protecting your rights. You will need to file for custody, alimony and child support. He can pay the attorney fees. I would also arrange for an intermediary to handle the visitation of the kids as you shouldn't have to see him. Get a restraining order, have the locks changed on the house, but make sure you clear out the bank accounts first. Post your story on marriagebuilders (google it, started by Dr. Harley) and let the experts walk you through this. There's not much to save when the person has lied to you from day one, he is a taker. Don't be available for any more taking! That's just my advice because my last husband was a con that took me for $50,000 and also lied to me from day one, lived with others while we were married...a long story, I wish I'd never met him, but it sounds like the only good thing you ever got from this was your kids. Please protect yourself, to do so is to protect your kids! I'm so sorry for all you're going through, it's unbelievable what some narcissists can do to others.
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