weedsandposies Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Just a quick recap of my story: Been with H for 8 years. Recently reconnected with an ex and started a 7 month affair while H and I were separated. Decided to work on R with H and managed an exit from OM over a 3 month period. We had a huge fight where OM said I was avoiding him and accused me of cheating with another friend. Finally I asked for NC at the beginning of April. He contacted me telling me he missed me, cares for me, wants to see me, the whole story. I caved and broke NC last week to meet. This is what I need help figuring out. Was he always cheating on me? While at his home he "accidently" pulled out a pair of woman's panties! I would have never seen them but he made sure that I looked. I asked him if he was deliberately trying to hurt me. Because that is how I felt. He yelled at me "you sleep next to someone every single night." But he knows this and I never rubbed his face in it. I left his place making sure he understands that I've blocked him everywhere and if he contacts me not to expect a response. I'm devasted. Please offer your advice/opinions.
Owl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 No way to know what he's been doing or what he'd intended from our side of the internet. But...I'd suggest to you that you work to ensure that NC stays in place. Meeting with OM is in direct opposition to your intent to rebuild your relationship with your H. The two aren't distinct and seperate...what you invest in one, you withold from the other. Regardless of what this guy intended to happen as a result of his actions...the fact that he did what he did speaks volumes. From my perspective...time to change your focus BACK to your marriage and off of this guy and why he might have done this, or what he might have been doing with others. No value in thinking about that...your best effort is placed on fixing what's going on in your marriage instead.
fascinated Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 No way to tell, but sounds like he's passive aggressive. NC is a good idea.
ver13 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Just a quick recap of my story: Been with H for 8 years. Recently reconnected with an ex and started a 7 month affair while H and I were separated. Decided to work on R with H and managed an exit from OM over a 3 month period. We had a huge fight where OM said I was avoiding him and accused me of cheating with another friend. Finally I asked for NC at the beginning of April. He contacted me telling me he missed me, cares for me, wants to see me, the whole story. I caved and broke NC last week to meet. This is what I need help figuring out. Was he always cheating on me? While at his home he "accidently" pulled out a pair of woman's panties! I would have never seen them but he made sure that I looked. I asked him if he was deliberately trying to hurt me. Because that is how I felt. He yelled at me "you sleep next to someone every single night." But he knows this and I never rubbed his face in it. I left his place making sure he understands that I've blocked him everywhere and if he contacts me not to expect a response. I'm devasted. Please offer your advice/opinions. I really don't think it matters what he is doing since he's not the one that is M. IMO he has pretty much told you how he see's the whole thing that you two have been doing. You said that you decided to work on your M and you end up at his apt. How that is going to help you solve any R issues is something left to be seen. Of course he is trying to hurt you just by inviting you over and "accidently" showing you the panties. But look at it this way "What are you doing there in the first place". NC means just that NC and you decided to not honor it for whatever reason. I your serious about getting your R with H together abhere to the NC and you won't have to worry about your feeling's getting hurt him. I think that you are avoiding the real issue which really should be why am I so concerned with what he is doing and not what is happening in my R with my H.
cm0523 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Who cares if the OM was cheating on you the entire time? YOU were cheating on your H. You're devastated the other man might have been cheating on you? How do you think your husband is going to feel when he finds out you were cheating on him? How selfish can you be?
Garrgoil Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 weeds: No, your affair partner was never "cheating" on you since he owed you no duty of fidelity. You on the other hand were cheating on your husband, since you made vows to him.
bentnotbroken Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 weeds: No, your affair partner was never "cheating" on you since he owed you no duty of fidelity. You on the other hand were cheating on your husband, since you made vows to him. Hello, say it again!
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