User-123 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My wife has cheated on me and lied about it. She originally made up a stupid lie and told me she wasn't happy and was thinking we shouldn't continue to b married. She cited some reasons why I wasn't the right guy based on how I act, etc. I gave her space and time and come back to the truth. She says it's not you, I cheated on you and it's opened my eyes and I realize I don't and probably haven't loved you in this marriage. The night it happened we had dinner together and had a nice time. Later that night she went out with friends, got drunk, and hooked up with another man. When I told mutual friends, they were shocked. Of course so was I, there were no warning signs. She litteratlly did this to do it and realizes our love for one another is not mutual now. It was like a light switch, crazy. I don't know what to do now.
ver13 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 IMO there is not much that you can do right now except stand back and just watch where she is really trying to take this crazy situation that she has gotten herself into. You were not the one out drunk sleeping with other people she was so this is her crap that she has to deal with not you. I would ask her why she didn't just move on instead of doing what she did if she really was so un-inluv with you. I would ask her why go out and have dinner and then decide to get hammered and sleep with a stranger. I would also tell her that you both need to get a STD test ASAP since her behavior put you both at risk. You might want to look at some type of MC too. It may help you through the ordeal that you are both in at this time. But keep your head up.
Bryanp Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Look for a good attorney and protect yourself. Don't waste your life on somebody like this.
John Michael Kane Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My wife has cheated on me and lied about it. She originally made up a stupid lie and told me she wasn't happy and was thinking we shouldn't continue to b married. She gaslighted you so she could use that to tramp around with the other man. She cited some reasons why I wasn't the right guy based on how I act, etc. I gave her space and time and come back to the truth. She says it's not you, I cheated on you and it's opened my eyes and I realize I don't and probably haven't loved you in this marriage. The night it happened we had dinner together and had a nice time. Later that night she went out with friends, got drunk, and hooked up with another man.Don't even worry about it bro, she's just trying to place blame on you for something she decided to do herself. She put her own self in that situation. It has nothing to do with the marriage. If she had a problem she should've talked to you about it like mature adults do in a relationship, not cheat. When I told mutual friends, they were shocked. Of course so was I, there were no warning signs. She litteratlly did this to do it and realizes our love for one another is not mutual now.If I were you, I'd distance myself from those mutual friends. They probably knew something about that and didn't tell you. Usually when cheaters have close friends, they like to tell them about their covert behavior and all that other bullcrap. It was like a light switch, crazy.It's because cheaters are impulsive and immature. Jumping on someone else's lap without a care in the world about who they're hurting. That's why you must go see a lawyer to file for divorce. Don't even move out the home. She wants out? Throw her **** on the street. She doesn't love you (as evidenced since she cheated), she can kiss it all goodbye. I don't know what to do now.Yes you do. Get tested, and protect yourself legally and go no contact with the woman so you can heal and find someone that loves you. Or you can sit there and allow her to cuckold you.
y2k Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My wife has cheated on me and lied about it. She originally made up a stupid lie and told me she wasn't happy and was thinking we shouldn't continue to b married. She cited some reasons why I wasn't the right guy based on how I act, etc. I gave her space and time and come back to the truth. She says it's not you, I cheated on you and it's opened my eyes and I realize I don't and probably haven't loved you in this marriage. The night it happened we had dinner together and had a nice time. Later that night she went out with friends, got drunk, and hooked up with another man. When I told mutual friends, they were shocked. Of course so was I, there were no warning signs. She litteratlly did this to do it and realizes our love for one another is not mutual now. It was like a light switch, crazy. I don't know what to do now. First, get a divorce. Don't even think about giving this woman the light of day. It's not easy, but hopefully you'll find another woman. Second, other than the one night stand, is she in love with someone else or is she just no longer in love with you??? Because usually a woman leaves a man for another man. Third and it may seem rude to ask but do you make good to decent money???? Unfortunately, a large percentage of woman only flock towards guys with either status or money (they like the "security"). Do you make well??? Are you below or above average??? No matter what, divorce her and don't even bother with her.
Author User-123 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I sense a similar theme in the responses. No, she doesn't even remember the guys name so I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a boyfriend. Literally did it just to do it and now realizes that's the kind of life she wants or something. You all are right, defintely hard. But I need to make smart decisions at a time like this.
fltc Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 But I need to make smart decisions at a time like this. Smart decisions: 1. Get STD tested. 2. Get attorney. 3. Get divorce. Do NOT DELAY on any of the three above.
Woggle Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Lawyer up and prepare for war. That is all I have to say.
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My wife has cheated on me and lied about it. She originally made up a stupid lie and told me she wasn't happy and was thinking we shouldn't continue to b married. She cited some reasons why I wasn't the right guy based on how I act, etc. I gave her space and time and come back to the truth. She says it's not you, I cheated on you and it's opened my eyes and I realize I don't and probably haven't loved you in this marriage. The night it happened we had dinner together and had a nice time. Later that night she went out with friends, got drunk, and hooked up with another man. When I told mutual friends, they were shocked. Of course so was I, there were no warning signs. She litteratlly did this to do it and realizes our love for one another is not mutual now. It was like a light switch, crazy. I don't know what to do now. only one thing to do in this situation. file for divorce and start the process of rebuiling your life and excising this cancer(your wife) from your life.
Entropy3000 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You deserve better. Seriously. Let her go no matter how much you hurt. You will go through withdrawel. You can see a doctor for anti-depressants. Just do it. Get yourself together before you get into any other serious relationship. It was not your fault. You tried. Have some fun and realize you have the rest of your life ahead of you. You just dodged a bullet. Good luck.
robf1971 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Smart decisions: 1. Get STD tested. 2. Get attorney. 3. Get divorce. Do NOT DELAY on any of the three above. Yep, and pack her sh*t up in boxes, tell her to find a new place.
marqueemoon4 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I agree with what everyone is saying.. if she is cheating and doesn't love you then you need to take her down. Move her out, and show no mercy because I PROMISE YOU she isn't going to show any to you. Its nasty and callous but unfortunately its the way it is.
TMCM Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 You can either accept reality or fight it. The truth is that many - if not the great majority - of women who have affairs are unhappy and often blame the marriage and their husbands for it. But the truth is that true happiness comes from within. Women like your wife don't have the emotional maturity and fortitude to first end a relationship before starting another. So when another man starts giving them plenty of attention that they feel is missing from their marriage, they often mistakenly believe that the OM is their 'true love' or 'soul mate'. In any case, you should prepare yourself for the worst. You don't have to act like a jerk to your wife but start developing the mindset that you don't need her in order to be a happy man - remember your happiness is your responsibility. The worst thing you can do is to become a needy, emotional wreck, pleading with her to stop the affair. This only guarantees that she'll look at you as something less than a man worthy only of her contempt. This is reality my friend plain and simple and you can either make peace with it or torture yourself by denying it. Calmly, confidently and respectfully demonstrate to her that you're more than willing to file for divorce if she is having - or if she had - an affair with him, and see who will become the needy, emotional wreck, pleading with you not to do it and willing to move heaven and earth to keep you. Repeat the following until it is etched into your mind forever women have utter contempt for emotionally weak men
Mimolicious Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 When someone tells you who they are, believe them! Put some distance for now and see what happens in the next few months.
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