Strength of Heart Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Today is my 19th birthday, and I got a happy birthday text from my ex first thing this morning. Me and my ex broke up in the middle of February after a two and a half year relationship. About a month and a half after the break up, I found out she had feelings for another guy when she left me too, this guy was a recovering drug addict and also has a girlfriend. I've cut my ex slack for way too long and haven't been able to do NC for more than two and a half weeks. I've had to see her playfully flirt with other guys on FB (Early on in the break up, she's been deleted for awhile), dealt with her mixed messages ("I want to be with you more than anything, but I'm too scared of a relationship right now"), dealt with her criticizing me and making me feel like it was all my fault, and overall just have pretty much been by her side when she hasn't. I was a fool. I'm tired of it, all my patience has been used up and now I just want to be able to finally stand up to her and let her know I'm done being a pushover to her and that the way shes strung me along and the way shes acted since the break up are low, cruel, disrespectful and selfish. I feel betrayed, used, kicked to the dirt and disrespected after all I've done and all I've been through with this girl. I've made significant strides in getting better and healing, I'm not even close to the wreck that I was two and a half months ago and not hurting as much these days (Still there, but dwindling). I've been to counseling to talk about my relationship, areas of my life I can improve in, and just to vent and figure out what I want in a relationship. I know you guys will say I'm not over her if I want to pretty much tell her off, which is right, I'm not over her completely yet. I'm just fed up and tired of having dealt with her making me feel guilty and being a heartless bitch to me for the past two and a half months, then turning around and saying things like "I miss you more than anything" or "I want to be with you more than anything, but I'm too scared of a relationship right now". She even tried saying a week ago that if we didn't work out dating again that she'd want me to either stay in her life as a friend or to at least know we can always be there for each other if we need it. I'm tired of her having her cake and eating it, I know thats my fault but I've been thinking much more clearly as of late and this is my first hard break up experience so I had to learn somehow. If I were to confront her, I'd go strict NC afterwards. I just can't do this with her anymore, I'm a very patient guy but I shouldn't of have been with her at all considering the things shes done and said since the break up. Any input on this situation?
Kodo Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 If you must, say thanks and that's it. Don't give her anything because as you said, you don't want her having her cake and eating it too. Thanks is polite. Something you'd say to anyone, not just her. Let her play the mind games with herself.
Author Strength of Heart Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 If you must, say thanks and that's it. Don't give her anything because as you said, you don't want her having her cake and eating it too. Thanks is polite. Something you'd say to anyone, not just her. Let her play the mind games with herself. My problem is that I feel I've been way to polite to her, I've cut her way too much slack while shes been a bitch.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Change your phone number or Reply "Leave me alone. I have nothing to say to you"
JasonRules Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You want input? Here's the deal. If you show her love or hate all you will be doing is showing that you still care way to much and that she has control over you. There is no reason to get angry or uber happy. Don't hold grudges in life. They are toxic. Learn and forget should be the theme of the day. I'm sure you learned some lessons from this relationship which will only make you a better man. I think you should just send her an apathetic and short message like "Thanks" or "Thank you" tomorrow and that's it. Do not text her today. Today is your day. Text her tomorrow.
Author Strength of Heart Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 You want input? Here's the deal. If you show her love or hate all you will be doing is showing that you still care way to much and that she has control over you. There is no reason to get angry or uber happy. Don't hold grudges in life. They are toxic. Learn and forget should be the theme of the day. I'm sure you learned some lessons from this relationship which will only make you a better man. I think you should just send her an apathetic and short message like "Thanks" or "Thank you" tomorrow and that's it. Do not text her today. Today is your day. Text her tomorrow. Appreciate it Jason, sounds like a solid plan. I guess I'm just irked at the fact that I haven't let her know how much of a bitch she has been, meanwhile she made me feel like a terrible person for quite awhile when I know for sure that I'm not a bad person at all.
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 You don't have to actually say anything to her in order to get your revenge. The best revenge you could have is to lead a good life. Go to school, do well there and set yourself up for a good future carreer. Save money and take trips! Trips you've always wanted to go on. My point is, and BELIEVE ME ON THIS! You're not in communication with her, but she's keeping tabs on you. As soon as she finds out how well you're doing and hears about some of the fabulous places you've visited, she's going to be kicking herself, because could have been sharing that with you instead of pining over a drug addict with a girlfriend.
JasonRules Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Appreciate it Jason, sounds like a solid plan. I guess I'm just irked at the fact that I haven't let her know how much of a bitch she has been, meanwhile she made me feel like a terrible person for quite awhile when I know for sure that I'm not a bad person at all. If she was a bitch karma will find a way to punish her. I am a firm believer in karma. Treat others good and you will be treated well. Treat them like crap and you'll have it coming. As Chi said, your revenge will be being the best guy you can be, in shape, handsome, sharp dresser, successful at work/school, and upgrading to an even hotter girlfriend.
Kodo Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 My problem is that I feel I've been way to polite to her, I've cut her way too much slack while shes been a bitch. You probably have been so polite that someone like her can't comprehend or reciprocate. But be polite because YOU are a polite person. If you're polite to everyone and someone like her abuses it then that's lowering herself, not you. You set the polite standard and she can't meet it.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Perhaps write down the things she did that hurt, annoyed or pissed you off and post them here, or put them on paper and burn the paper, saying to yourself, "it's okay, it's over". You saying these things to yourself can help you to reconnect with yourself, to feel confident enough to let the feelings out, and by doing that, you'll feel better. All without having to involve her at all.
ummike26 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 StrengthofHeart I definitely feel where your coming from. The last 2 months of my r/ship with my gf she was a total Bitch to me and basically would flat out ridicule me for things like ( the way I dressed, my body, etc.) I never called her out on any of this b/c I guess I though if I ignored her rudeness it would eventually go away. Well the r/ship ended with her bailing on me and me never having a chance to get a last word in. I think I find comfort in knowing that I didnt lower myself to her level and degrade her instead always remaining polite until the very end. I refuse to contact her b/c after all she was the one who chose to leave and continue to make myself the best person I can be.. I still get tempted every now and then to email her my thoughts for closure but I always come to Loveshack instead to divert me from doing it. Sometimes silence is the best revenge.
Author Strength of Heart Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I just want to be able to show my backbone after all she's put me through, she honestly has NEVER seen it because I am a very patient and slow person to piss off....in order to do so you really need to cross the line, and she has.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I understand how that must feel. Being able to look at that text and think, "big deal" and ignore it is one way to do it. Rise above it. It's a minor blip, a fly on the windscreen. Keep the journey going.
Author Strength of Heart Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I understand how that must feel. Being able to look at that text and think, "big deal" and ignore it is one way to do it. Rise above it. It's a minor blip, a fly on the windscreen. Keep the journey going. The last time we talked was the nicest conversation I was able to have with her and the most mature she's been to me, although she almost did snap when she asked me: Her: So anything new and exciting? Me: Mhm Her: If you don't want to talk to me then just say it... The last time I talked to her before then was two weeks before that, when she literally started a conversation by saying "I could respond but I don't want to be a bitch" and also by pretty much saying that our whole relationship was a big mistake....after two and a half years...when I treated her the best I could.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 She wants you to react and be expressive. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to react or be expressive either; especially if someone is threatening you if you don't. Be angry, be hurt, be true. Choose whether you want to show her this, but be sure to show this to yourself. To thine ownself be true.
Author Strength of Heart Posted May 10, 2011 Author Posted May 10, 2011 She wants you to react and be expressive. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with not wanting to react or be expressive either; especially if someone is threatening you if you don't. Be angry, be hurt, be true. Choose whether you want to show her this, but be sure to show this to yourself. To thine ownself be true. I know if I say anything she'll just continue to act victimized and try to turn it all around on me, it doesn't help that you can't get a chance to speak up when she is yelling.
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