JustEmptyInside Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Well, I knew that it was inevitable, but she came by the house to move out her things, so I had to see her for the day again. Don't think i've ever felt so awkward and uncomfortable in my life. And to make matters worse, man did she look great. The advice here about NC is dead on. Stick to it, its not worth breaking. I'm into month 5 after the break now and seeing her, hearing her voice, all of it just wound the clock right back to day 1. Wound up awake all night, sick to my stomach, losing my damn mind. There's really nothing good about spending the day watching all those years of memories walk out the door, being left in an empty house. It was an incredibly somber day for me, but (no surprise) she seemed disturbingly OK. It definitely makes it hurt more knowing that she really seems happy being with the guy that she cheated with and dumped me for. I suppose I should just be happy that she's happy, but I can't be - I still love her after all this crap. So the journey begins again - wish me luck. I barely made it through the first pass - I just hope that I can find the strength to do it again. It's amazing the power she still has over me. Maybe this time around a therapist is in order. In my case, I really had no choice but to see her. But for anyone out there thinking of voluntarily breaking NC - don't do it. I don't care what the reason, it hurts too much. Hold on to your healing. As always, thanks to everyone on LS for your continued support. Don't think I could have made it this far without all of you.
melenkurion Posted May 10, 2011 Posted May 10, 2011 In this case you didn't have a great deal of choice, so don't feel bad for breaking NC. It's inevitable that what you went through with her moving her things out will make you feel really awful. I think back to the day my ex came and picked up his stuff. It was one of the worst days of my life. It did feel like back to the beginning. But: it didn't take as long to start to feel better again. It was a setback, but not really a return to the start, even though it felt that way. I am hopeful that it is the same for you. Actually, I think that once her stuff is gone, you might well find that your healing accelerates. Having that around you was very likely triggering all sorts of unconscious associations that you were not even aware of. It definitely makes it hurt more knowing that she really seems happy being with the guy that she cheated with and dumped me for. I suppose I should just be happy that she's happy, but I can't be - I still love her after all this crap. Yup, I can identify with this! Don't beat yourself up about it. After being cheated on, it's pretty difficult to shrug your shoulders and wish them well. You aren't going to be ready for that after five months, the wounds are still so raw. What you are feeling is normal human emotion. Also: when you do that, the only reason to do it is for yourself, simply because being able to let go of all that hurt and anger is what is best for your health and well-being. Anyway, you actually have no idea whether she really is happy or not. You need to try your best and get to where you don't care about whether they living in state of bliss, or trapped in misery. You are the important one now, they don't matter at all. It's very hard, I know. I'm still having more trouble than I care to admit putting "them" out of my mind. But it gets easier. It's seven months since I found out now, and seven months down the line, things are definitely easier than they were at five months.
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