LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I'm 21, S is 35. We were together 2.5 years, and he ended it 10 weeks ago. The row which led to it was petty. I ended up saying I don't even know if we should be together, and he said he felt the same. I told him straight away I didn't mean it, but he said he did. In the first say, six weeks, there was a lot of contact. Mainly me begging him for a chance. We met up a few times, meals out, a day out etc. After the day out, he text me saying thank you for a lovely day. If we work things out, which there is a good chance, we'll be so much better off. This refers to the changes we agreed to make. He manages a restaurant and hotel, and works long hours, and sometimes has to let me down, for example, if someone calls in sick, if he can't get cover, he'd have to work. I knew this from day 1. But sometimes I'd see my ass over it and get really off with him. His parents live far away too, and if he said he was going there for a few days, I wouldn't stop him, but I'd moan that I'd miss him and stuff. We'd spoke about that and agreed that we'd change things. For example, if he had to let me down, then ok, I understand, but we agreed that we'd have a date night each week. One night a week to look forward to where we definitely saw each other and then if throughout the week he did have to let me down one night, at least we still had that one special night. Don't get me wrong, he didn't let me down every week, but when he did, it sucked. Anyway there were other things we said we'd change too, which is why he said if we worked it out, we'd be better off, better understanding etc. But, then, he let me down two Sundays in a row. The first Sunday I was fine with it as I said I'd support him more, but the next Sunday, I was really upset. I had an operation scheduled three days later so maybe that's why I took it to heart more. I was wound up about it. I bombarded him with text messages. Then, he asked for a week of space to think freely. My operation got postponed a week. After the week was out, he said to me he doesn't get it, he was looking forward to seeing me so much, but that he just doesn't know what he wants so has to say no. He called me baby cakes. I said why call me that when you're stood here breaking my heart and he broke down crying and he said I don't know, you're still my baby cakes, still my princess, my fizz bear, so I don't know. It hurt seeing him cry. (P.S. I may be going more in to detail here than I have before as I'm using a computer, I'm usually on my phone) So three days later I had my operation, I woke up and the first thing I asked for was him, but I didn't come round from the operation until 10.00pm so he said it was too late to drive there. He couldn't come the day after as he had work. He still hasn't been to visit. This was five weeks ago. We bought a bed as we were due to move in together in March. I've told him we're selling it. A few weeks ago, I went to his to pick my stuff up. And he said who knows what'll happen in the future, but right now, I don't know what I want so I can't string you along. And now he's gone cold. He said to me I have to be stern with what I say because if I'm nice, if I put a kiss on a message, you read in to it too much and get your hopes up. I think he has commitment issues. His friend told me his relationships usually last two years, they start getting serious and he backs off. When he initially ended it, he said to me he wasn't sure if he could give me what I want in the future e.g. marriage or children. I said you've always said from day one you want those things and he said I want children, I don't know about marriage. Well, marriage to me does not solidify a relationship. My dad married my mum, cheated on her and left us. So for me, him maybe not wanting to get married in the future does not make me want him any less. We've had very LC for the last few weeks, probably max of 10 messages exchanged, and his phone call telling me he has to be stern. As I say, he's maintained throughout this that he doesn't know what he wants, doesn't get why he feels this way (when he was crying *sad face*). He went away Friday. I've not text him once whilst he's been away. He's been working long hours lately, or going to the casino a lot, so he's barely alone. Pretty much alone just when he's sleeping. So he doesn't really have time to think about it, or he's making sure he doesn't have time for it to play on his mind. I just wonder if the holiday will give him the time and space to think things through freely? He's gone away with a friend who tends to do his own thing (he's gay, so will go to gay bars beaches etc.). Another stupid website told me S must be gay going away with a gay guy. What, men aren't allowed gay friends? I can categorically say this is not the case. Nor is there another woman involved in this. As I said, S works long hours. My mum and auntie both work on his reception, day and night. They control the CCTV, so if there was anybody else, they'd see him walk up to his flat each night, and when he finishes his shift, he's always going up alone. His friend booked the holiday alone about six months ago. He offered to share his apartment when S said he needed to get away for a bit. So, I'm strictly doing NC this week, as I don't want to give in and text him and say please take me back, and pee him off even more whilst he's on holiday. Please be gentle with any responses! I'm not the kind of person to take criticism very well lol. Thanks for any advice/opinions xx
Recommended Posts