college campus NC, got a phonecall from my ex, he said it was a "buttdial"?? wtf?!

[my body is a cage]

sooo basically... my ex and I have the same group of friends on the same campus, which has been really hard for me. in the beginning of the year i tried to reach out to him and while he lead me on initially, he then pushed me away.

 

i decided i would have to to employ a college NC strategy: ignoring him at parties, only acknowledging him when absolutely necessary or him acknowledging me first. ive been successfully doing this for a couple of weeks. i think he has noticed it.

 

anyway, this morning as i slept i heard my phone ring multiple times and ignored it, as per usual. i heard it ring for a fourth time and to my surprise: it was a call from my ex?! so i thought thats strange... went to my friends house, hung out, and finally called him back 2 hours later (all the while thinking why am I even calling him back this is just stressing me out).

 

he didn't pick up. wasn't surprised. i texted him "hey did you call before?" and he eventually wrote back "no i don't think so. maybe a butt call. sorry." ("buttcall"??? the term is "pocketdial," weirdo)

 

so, now im left confounded. i figure there are two possible case scenarios:

1. he called me to say something - no idea what, and then got cold feet. as is his usual style.

2. he accidentally called me.

 

my intuition says its probably case 1, because what are the chances he would randomly pocket dial me all of a sudden? also: "i dont THINK so. MAYBE a buttdial." uhh, hello? this is not an ambiguous situation. you know whether you buttdialed me or not, you can just check your outgoing calls.

my guy friend told me he thinks he is a Class A douchebag and made it so that in calling him back I had to reach out to HIM. (prolly just shouldnt have called him back at all).

 

maybe im just being optimistic? what do you guy think, scenario 1 or scenario 2? nc success (he's thinking about me) or freak occurance?

 

uuuuuuugh i just want a break for once

[MrNate]

sooo basically... my ex and I have the same group of friends on the same campus, which has been really hard for me. in the beginning of the year i tried to reach out to him and while he lead me on initially, he then pushed me away.

 

i decided i would have to to employ a college NC strategy: ignoring him at parties, only acknowledging him when absolutely necessary or him acknowledging me first. ive been successfully doing this for a couple of weeks. i think he has noticed it.

 

anyway, this morning as i slept i heard my phone ring multiple times and ignored it, as per usual. i heard it ring for a fourth time and to my surprise: it was a call from my ex?! so i thought thats strange... went to my friends house, hung out, and finally called him back 2 hours later (all the while thinking why am I even calling him back this is just stressing me out).

 

he didn't pick up. wasn't surprised. i texted him "hey did you call before?" and he eventually wrote back "no i don't think so. maybe a butt call. sorry." ("buttcall"??? the term is "pocketdial," weirdo)

 

so, now im left confounded. i figure there are two possible case scenarios:

1. he called me to say something - no idea what, and then got cold feet. as is his usual style.

2. he accidentally called me.

 

my intuition says its probably case 1, because what are the chances he would randomly pocket dial me all of a sudden? also: "i dont THINK so. MAYBE a buttdial." uhh, hello? this is not an ambiguous situation. you know whether you buttdialed me or not, you can just check your outgoing calls.

my guy friend told me he thinks he is a Class A douchebag and made it so that in calling him back I had to reach out to HIM. (prolly just shouldnt have called him back at all).

 

maybe im just being optimistic? what do you guy think, scenario 1 or scenario 2? nc success (he's thinking about me) or freak occurance?

 

uuuuuuugh i just want a break for once

 

What are you really after here? If you're serious about this NC you wouldn't have even bothered answering, (isn't that a part of NC?) let alone trying to analyze the purpose of this call.

 

Is the question you're meaning to ask: Is there any hope of me getting back with my ex by utilizing NC?

[BiscuitXOXO]

what do you guy think, scenario 1 or scenario 2? nc success (he's thinking about me) or freak occurance?

 

uuuuuuugh i just want a break for once

Whether it is scenario 1 or 2, your NC has failed. The goal of NC is NOT for your ex to start thinking about you, so you can get some sort of revenge, or for him to want to give your failed relationship a 2nd chance. NC is for YOU to get over the relationship so you can move on with your life.

 

My personal thought is scenario 2. And buttcalls are not so uncommon. And his answer is not unreasonable; he's not gonna pull out his phone and check if he did indeed accidentally call you. It doesn't matter to him and it shouldn't matter to you.

 

All this analyzing and speculation with your friends is pointless.

 

You will get a break when you want a break.

[Nexus One]

Pocket calls can mostly be prevented by turning on the keypad lock on your phone. Do you know if he had this turned on or off? If he had it off, then it can happen fairly easily. Some phones even have a very sh*tty keypad lock which can easily be unlocked by pressing one key, so these things can happen. Nokia's + Symbian tend to have better keypad locks though, they need you to press 2 buttons in order to unlock the keypad. Don't know what kind of phone he has, but if you know, then you can look up the keypad unlock procedure online to see if it's hard or easy. But if I were you, I would let it go. Whether he pocket dialed and isn't interested or whether he's playing games, neither scenario would do you any good.

[my body is a cage]

What are you really after here? If you're serious about this NC you wouldn't have even bothered answering, (isn't that a part of NC?) let alone trying to analyze the purpose of this call.

 

Is the question you're meaning to ask: Is there any hope of me getting back with my ex by utilizing NC?

 

I guess I missed that memo. I thought you were allowed to answer when they called to hear what they wanted to say - the ignore them unless they say nothing other than "I want to get back with you." I guess by calling him back I ****ed up

 

What I want is him to validate me as a person, to maybe want me back. I know this isn't necessarily mature, but he's put me through so much heartbreak. I want to leave these two weeks of school with dignity, believing that he at least holds me in some esteem

 

I've really been struggling with school, indirectly because of him, but of course I know that it is more about myself than about him. I have been very depressed, took last semester off (his ex gf commited suicide while I was ambiguously with him, and already being depressed, it was too much for me).

 

Now I'm not graduating at the same time with my friends, and while I used to feel generally accepted and interesting, I just feel like I've totally fallen off, while he is Mr. Popular. I feel like I've changed for the worse and am not good enough for him.

 

I have a lot of issues beyond this - intimacy issues, parent issues (just excommunicated myself from my abusive father), sexual abuse issues, social anxiety issues... I have sought help and plan on seeking more in two weeks, when school is over.

 

For now I just want to finish finals, and spend as much time possible with the rest of my glass that is graduating And, because I am still in love with my ex, and see him all the time, I just want to project the version of myself, the version he fell in love with, if its still there somewhere. In the form on NC- but we will see each other because we have the same friends. It's hard though, when I'm feeling SO low about myself... maybe I should just avoid the situation alltogether and go home for "senior week."

[my body is a cage]

Pocket calls can mostly be prevented by turning on the keypad lock on your phone. Do you know if he had this turned on or off? If he had it off, then it can happen fairly easily. Some phones even have a very sh*tty keypad lock which can easily be unlocked by pressing one key, so these things can happen. Nokia's + Symbian tend to have better keypad locks though, they need you to press 2 buttons in order to unlock the keypad. Don't know what kind of phone he has, but if you know, then you can look up the keypad unlock procedure online to see if it's hard or easy. But if I were you, I would let it go. Whether he pocket dialed and isn't interested or whether he's playing games, neither scenario would do you any good.

 

Oh I meant to mention: he has a blackberry. My friends with blackberrys (not that I've consulted them or anything, this has come up before) tell me its almost impossible to pocket-dial someone unless you were thinking of texting them or someone with their letter in the alphabelt because it needs to be showing? or soemthing? (Another ex pocketdialed me on my birthday once... typical). I know theres no point to analyzing it though, I should just go back to NC.

[BiscuitXOXO]

Thanks for the background info. I originally thought you wanted drama, and may have been a bit abrasive. Life is hard, but it must go on! There will be happiness and joy in your future I'm certain.

 

If your friends know that you don't want to see your ex, maybe they can help you avoid him. And taking senior week off doesn't seem like a bad idea. You can just chill and unwind.

 

Good luck in your endeavors; I'm rooting for you!

[my body is a cage]

Thanks for the background info. I originally thought you wanted drama, and may have been a bit abrasive. Life is hard, but it must go on! There will be happiness and joy in your future I'm certain.

 

If your friends know that you don't want to see your ex, maybe they can help you avoid him. And taking senior week off doesn't seem like a bad idea. You can just chill and unwind.

 

Good luck in your endeavors; I'm rooting for you!

 

thank you, thats really sweet! you seem really great. i hope there will be happiness and joy in my future, sometimes it seems very elusive...

 

and yeah, i'm a drama-avoiding type of girl. i would ideally like to be able to stay for senior week, because it is the last time all of my friends who are graduating will be in the same place again. going home and unwinding isnt really an option, so i may as well stay at school and try to unwind.

[westernxer]

So you're saying he was talking out of his ass?

[my body is a cage]

His butt's got your number and is pretty good at the mind games.

 

ha!

 

are you a guy or a girl? as for girls on the rack being hot, well, ive got that one down.

 

ive thought about deleting his number a couple of times. part of me can't let go of the great time we had together. and, i dont desire to be with him now. that would be impossible. theres so much emotional baggage between us i don't even think i would be able to kiss him with out having a mental breakdown.

 

i think he felt the impact before i did, and while he was initially receptive towards me, he pushed me away by telling me i did something really nasty, which i did not do. that has messed with my mind a LOT. everyone who knows us tells me either he knows it didnt happen and wanted to distance myself or hes more delusional than we thought. so yeah, mindgames...

 

it kills me that he could possibly view me in this negative light now. know i shouldnt care how he sees me, but i cant help it. the vibes i get from him since then are just the same as the vibes i got from him before when he was telling me it was good to see me and that he wished he had talked to me etc, etc, which also makes me think that was a mind game.

 

its literally IMPOSSIBLE for me to avoid him. at one point last weekend i was at MY old house (i had to change housing after the semester was over), with my best friends, and at one point it was 9 girls and him sitting at the kitchen table happily sipping beer. for a lack of a better way to express it... like, WTF? uggggh. also no one else has a problem talking to him, except me. baggage central.

 

so part of me would like to believe that he saw there were only two weeks left, things are safer, and that he called to apologize for what he said. then later chickened out.

 

idk, i just want to leave these weeks with my best foot forward. i dont know if i have the energy (due to the other things in my life, not because of him).

[my body is a cage]

So you're saying he was talking out of his ass?

 

hahaha wow. im actually sitting here laughing right now. that lifted my mood a little.

 

so much symbolism. so much TRUTH. wow. absurd.

[nyc_guy2003]

I have a blackberry too, and I actually butt dialed one of my friends today and left a 3 minute "voicemail" by mistake. So it happens...and with blackberries it's not necessarily easy to see your call log if you're not specifically looking for it.

[maysj18]

I have the Evo and It's so sensitive that if I sit it down with the recent calls open, it will just call someone. So weird.