LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I just want out now. It's got to the point that my mum takes me tablets with her whenever she leaves the house so I can't do anything stupid. I just want to be gone. There doesn't seem to be any other way to take away the pain. 10 weeks I've felt like this. Even when he tells me to move on, I try to give myself hope. Even now I'm doing it. He's on holiday, and I'm praying that the week away will give him the time and space he's needed throughout. I bombarded him with texts when he asked for space, so I've given him NC whilst he's away. I don't know if it'll help, but I know that I'm screwed up enough to pin all my hopes up on it and lead myself up for another fall. How do you ever move on? When will I wake up without him being my first thought? And when will I go to bed without him being my final thought? When will I not continually dream about him? I just can't handle this.
smudge21 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 First of all, you need to realise that you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Most of everyone here is going through this or has been at some point. We all come from different situations yet we all feel so alone and desperate when a relationship ends. But there is always one thing that makes us the same, and that's the fact that we all get past this and eventually move on. So you've only just gone NC - welcome to the hardest time now as your mind will be all over the place and I garauntee you will think about him more now, but you have got to remain strong. I know first hand how tough it can be and how tempting it is to try and find some information about them or even just look at a picture. Trurst me that nothing you hear or see will make you feel any better. It will only make you feel worse. I made that mistake and found out about my ex's wedding plans - I vowed then never to look anymore. I've been tempted but I keep reminding myself of the hurt and that keeps me strong. You need to stay no contact from now on otherwise you are just going to keep hurting yourself. If your ex is to come back, he's not going to do that when you're like this is he? Put it this way, what were you like when you two first met and dated? Compare yourself then to how you are now with him. Try to see it from his viewpoint. You need to focus on making yourself better - that should be your goal now. You need to find that spark again. Since you've been with him, you've shared that spark and now it's lost to you, but it only needs finding again. I'm the same - I know that I was a much happier person before my ex and when we were together, yet now it's hard to get back there. I am working on it though and do know it will come. Many others will offer advice so stay around and see what they say. Also, go read others problems and offer your own advice. I find helping actually helps me too. You're at your lowest right now but we've all got to experience these moments at some point in our lives so we can appreciate the good times. It's as if life is a mountain range and sometimes you're on top, and sometimes you're at the bottom. It's hard work one minute and rewarding the next. But I wouldn't want it any other way - just think how boring it would be for life just to be a flat empty wasteland instead. Things will get better but only if you let them, and you do that by staying NC and letting time do the healing. It will be hard, but that's what this place is for. Stay strong.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Thank you so much for responding. I cried so much reading your response. I don't feel that I deserve any kind words. I must have done something for him to leave, so don't feel that I'm due any kindness. I do need to stick to NC. The only thing helping me stick to it is the hope he'll return, but if he doesn't, I don't know what I'll do then. I know NC is supposed to help me focus on healing, but I don't feel I can heal whilst still so in love with him and hung up on him.
smudge21 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I'm the same with NC. The thought of doing it and knowing that she'll never come back... that really hurts and is hard to take. But over time, and with no contact, you start to realise that you are healing and NC is helping. Trust me, it will work. I'm not saying you will forget him and still not love him. I'm 6 weeks NC and know I still love my ex and miss her, but it just gets easier to accept. It's hard to explain, it's like losing a loved one, having someone die... you miss them every day but eventually you just accept they're gone and carry on living your life. You still miss and love them, but you're okay. There's plenty on here that will say you shouldn't use NC as a way to get back together with an ex, as it's not a garaunteed way to do it (this is not an exact science), but if believing that he may come back helps you go NC and makes you stay on that path then do it. The thing with NC is that it will heal you without you noticing, but you really have got to be committed to it. Just read the threads by others about breaking NC and how it set them back. You do need to stay strong. At the moment, he's on that pedestal we all put our loved ones on, and there's no way you can remove him with force. You lived before him fine and you will live fine without him. I cannot say whether he will come back, everyone's different, but just focus on you for now. Do whatever it takes to make you feel good. You'll get through this... I know that for sure.
love is dangerous Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 hun let me tell you one thing for sure he wont come back when your still pining for him or upset but when your over him . i know its hard but dont let him ruin your life, there are other guys out there. i was at your place,now when i look back i cant believe i wanted to die for nothing, i bet he werent even that great you just feel that now, but you you wont even remeber this pain a couple years down the line. its all about getting your self out that state of mind that i need him , you dont!! pick your self up and force your self to move on . dont contact him nothing. i know its hard girl but pain only makes you stronger!
Kodo Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Thank you so much for responding. I cried so much reading your response. I don't feel that I deserve any kind words. I must have done something for him to leave, so don't feel that I'm due any kindness. Don't ever say that. That's not true at all. Unless you cheated on him, stole from him, lied to him constantly or anything similar, you've done nothing that wouldn't happen in any relationship. And if you did any of those, we're not here to judge. We're here to help because obviously there is a problem. Just from reading that post I'd guess attention and communication was a big thing. These can be fixed. But BOTH have to stick around to sort it out. I know couples who have horrible periods for months. Due to the lack of attention, but they both hold on and it eventually heals. Some people just give up and leave. Some just cannot communicate what so ever. It's a hard thing to define. The fact you're here trying to heal, expressing such strong emotion for your loss, that's something your next partner will appreciate. It means you care. It means you'll feel the pain that any relationship will have. Edited May 9, 2011 by Kodo
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Thank you all so much for your kind words of inspiration. I hope one day I can be as strong as you all are. I know it'a possible, I just have to build up the strength to get there. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate the support. I hope I'm able to offer the same support to others one day xx
token09 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Hi all LoveHurts, thank you so much for posting this, i am in exactly the same position. After 6 years my gf broke up with me and for the last 6 weeks i have chased and hounded and begged her to come back. She has started to see someone else, but she keeps saying to me that i need to take a step back so she can actually see if she misses me or not. because this other guy has been on the scene i have found it difficult to do. i lasted 2 days of NC when we first properly broke up, and i had a major relapse, and not been brave enough to try again since then. We have had some very heated arguments over the phone, and she has told me on numerous occasions that i am making her miserable to the extent that she wants to hurt herself too. However, several times she has said that it is 100% over, but she will get in touch with me and we can talk without the stress in the future, so this makes me think that its not 100% in her head. for the last 24 hours i am contact free and i am struggling to keep to it even now, so i know how you are feeling. I have spent the last few weeks binge drinking at the weekends trying to forget about her, trying to speak with other girls, going to the cinema, sports, gym, dating websites etc etc etc, anything to try and make me forget, but its pretty impossible. When i think i can't get any lower, i sure as hell drop down even further. Everyone says it will get easier, so i suppose we just have to believe them and keep to NC, but not with the expectation of reconciliation, and if it does happen then that's an added bonus.
Kodo Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Thank you all so much for your kind words of inspiration. I hope one day I can be as strong as you all are. I know it'a possible, I just have to build up the strength to get there. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate the support. I hope I'm able to offer the same support to others one day xx I'll tell you a secret. I'm not always this strong. Heck tomorrow when I wake up I'll probably have had a horrible dream and feel the complete opposite of how I do now. We all have our strong and weak moments. Our post history is like a roller coaster, much like our feelings.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Kodo - that really made me smile Token - would you like my email address? We can email each other to take our minds off contacting our dumpers (saying ex hurts too much). Maria xx
PinkChic Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I'll tell you a secret. I'm not always this strong. Heck tomorrow when I wake up I'll probably have had a horrible dream and feel the complete opposite of how I do now. We all have our strong and weak moments. Our post history is like a roller coaster, much like our feelings. I could not agree with you MORE!... we all have our weak days and our strong days.. heck I have weak hours and strong hours!... Keep your head up, girl!.. It's all up hill from here
token09 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Token - would you like my email address? We can email each other to take our minds off contacting our dumpers (saying ex hurts too much). Maria xx Maria That might be good, might make it easier speaking with someone who is in the same place as me.
JasonRules Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 @Love What have you been doing to get over it little Ms. Sunshine?
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Token - [email protected] - let's help each other Jason, I'm ashamed to say, nothing I don't know what to do. I am close to mg aunties so meet up with those some evenings to pass some time. And I met a friend last night who I've known for 9 years who works for S (as does my mum, cousin, aunt and mum's friend) and she said I have to stop shutting them all out just because they work for him. So I will be seeing her a bit more. But other than that, I don't have many friends. I'm not sure what I can do to help myself. I had an operation at the end of March so I can't exercise either right now x
JasonRules Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Token - [email protected] - let's help each other Jason, I'm ashamed to say, nothing I don't know what to do. I am close to mg aunties so meet up with those some evenings to pass some time. And I met a friend last night who I've known for 9 years who works for S (as does my mum, cousin, aunt and mum's friend) and she said I have to stop shutting them all out just because they work for him. So I will be seeing her a bit more. But other than that, I don't have many friends. I'm not sure what I can do to help myself. I had an operation at the end of March so I can't exercise either right now x Well the problem is if you do nothing you will get nothing in return. You have to come up with creative ways to keep you pre-occupied and busy so as to not sit at home and sulk. You have to be careful so as to not spiral into depression because of this. Try hanging out in a social setting more often. Plan going out with your girlfriends. You may have had an operation in March, but I'm sure you can walk, no? Take afternoon walks or strolls in the park to get your mind off things. Try and be out in nature. Green actually calms you down. This is why you feel at peace when looking at a forest. Try reading self-help books on breakups.
Author LoveHurts89 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I've decided that I'm going to go and take my brother's puppy down the woods for a walk. We've had a fantastic thunder storm today so it'll be all muddy. Henry will love it. My brother? Him, not so much.
Kilty Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 First of all you have to get things into perspective, as hard as it may be. Nobody and i mean NOBODY is ever worth getting yourself into a state where you consider ending it all to get away from the pain. Dont get me wrong - i have felt that way too and hundreds on here will have been in the same boat - but only for a fleeting ridiculous moment. And many of us including myself can suggest we are being strong but the reality is it is only a facade that we keep up until we recover and the pain is no more (which will happen eventually). Think of how it would affect the people that really do love you and care about you if you were to do anything silly - a million times more than it would affect your ex quite possibly. Also you would be denying yourself the chance to meet the person of your dreams in the future. If its over then you have only lost someone who you didnt mean that much to - no great loss when you think about it is it ? Only theirs ! And for your situation there are a million people out there going through so much worse although i do appreciate everyones own personal dilemma feels greater than anyone elses. Yes it hurts, yes its the ****tiest feeling you think you will ever experience - but trust me - it is not. There will be numerous other things the rest of our lives that will be sent to try us - health, finances, the loss of close family members etc. Sorry to be as morbid but thats the perspective of everything. You could also work beside your ex and their new fiance and get it rammed down your throat every day like me But you know what ? I look at them - and whilst part of me is heartbroken and full of regret - another part of me is pissing myself laughing. And one day the first part will be gone and only the laughter will remain followed by relief - there is nothing surer. And you will be exactly the same and will have learned a great lesson about people Have faith, keep your dignity at all times and be strong. The power in a relationship lies with the person that needs it the least. As you will know he now has it - do yourself a favour and try your best to take it away from him x
JasonRules Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I've decided that I'm going to go and take my brother's puppy down the woods for a walk. We've had a fantastic thunder storm today so it'll be all muddy. Henry will love it. My brother? Him, not so much. Good. You need to take baby steps to get yourself back together. Keep at it. Be persistent and have fortitude. Never give up.
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