Dillon Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Sorry this may be a little long.Today was the day I finally had the sack to do it. I have posted a couple of threads here the past couple weeks about me and my ex and about everything we have been going through. All the bs of her being with another guy and how she comes back from school this week. This "Mike" kid had updated her status to Mike is the coolest guy I have ever met and ever will. And one of my friends wrote on it. " Really? Why are you doing this?" Of course I did not tell him to do this but she messaged me on Facebook saying it was really mature to get our friends involved in this. I told her I didn't even talk to him. We continued to argue for a while. And I told her finally if she wanted to try and see how things work this summer. Well maybe this will make it easier. Here is out conversation: Me: Do you not want to try and see this summer? Just see where things take us? Just tell me now yes or no. Her: Ok. Well I guess we are both done then. sorry for being such a terrible person. Sorry I ruined your life. Have all of our friends. I will just sit at home. Sorry. Bye Me: What are you talking about? I never said anything about our friends. I asked you to answer my question. I never said anything about hanging out with our friends. I never said you were a terrible person. Ali. You are the greatest and most amazing person I will ever meet in my whole life. And I was just blessed you were part of it. You didn't ruin my life. Her: I don't want to try Dillon. I want to movve on and so should you. I know you will find some one. I want to be friends. Me: This is good bye then. I wish things would of worked out. Bye Ali. I wish you a happy life. Her: I want to always be in your life. You will always be my very best friend. You were a HUGE part of my life and always will. You need some one who will always love you, be there always. I know you will find that person here. You are a great person Dillon. What? We can't be friends Dillon? We can't hang out over summer? Thought you were better than that... Me: I don't want somebody in my life who doesn't care about me. I am sorry. Her: What?!?! I don't care about you? Are you serious? Wow. I have you all wrong then. Me: Ill give you the rascal flatts tickets and kenny chesney tickets in the mail. Ali. You blocked me on your phone. Blocked me on facebook. Ignored me for a whole month when I needed you most. You constantly disrespect me. When all I have been trying to be this whole time was your friend. And see if anything was still there. Prove to me you care about me. I asked you to unblock my number but that has yet to happen. Her: You have just disrespected me more than I ever could. You have changed. You know I care about you. That really hurts me. You can't go to kenny with me? Seriously? Me: I honestly don't know how I disrespected you. I was hurt. People do crazy things when they are in love. I am sorry for over reacting but, I think what I did was more understandable. And Ill give you the tickets and that is for you to decide who goes with you now. Her: Well I would just appreciate it if we could please be friends. And be able to hang out with our friends and be civil. Me: I can't be friends with somebody I loved. This will be the last time we ever talk. I am sorry Ali. I will always see you as somebody I loved, not as a "friend". You will always be my first love and I will remember you for the rest of my life Ali. Her: Alright. Me: I wish you the best of luck Ali. I hope you have a wonderful life. One that I never could of provided. Bye.Anything else? I don't hate you but I have to do this. I can't see picutres of you and Mike anymore. You have my number. I then continued to block her on facebook. Delete all the photos of her. I would really want nothing more than to be with this girl right now and I don't know if what I am doing is the right choice. But I am not going to sit her and be treated like a door mat anymore. I am not going to sit here and be her friend as she posts pictures of her and her new "friend". I love this girl and she will always have a special place in my heart but, no more of my time or effort is going to be put in to stressing about her and if she is coming back or not. She clearly stated she didn't want to try again. And I was not going to be friend zoned. I was tired of being the one trying to fix things and apologize and beg for her to come back when she was the on that left me. So maybe weeks, months, or even years from now she will finally miss me and realized what she lost. Thank you for reading. I really needed to vent. Edited May 9, 2011 by Dillon
Desensitized Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Thank you for sharing your story, Dillon. I know you're hurting right now, I too lost my first and true love recently: my fiancee. She was my princess. The girl I adored more than anything. I just had to cancel the engagement for her being deceitful and other reasons - it sucks. Let this be a life lesson to you, and use it in a positive way. Try not to dwell on the past as hard as that is and instead try to take anything she's ever taught you (the good stuff of course) and use it to your advantage. Also, try not to remember the good times, try and remember some of the bad too. Best of luck.
Author Dillon Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 She called me this morning multiple times and I finally decided to answer. She said she stayed up all night and couldn't sleep because she couldn't believe I blocked her. She told me the only way to see if there is anything still there is to be friends and see how things play out in the summer? Thoughts?
Still Searching Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Maintain NC, stick to your guns. Your reasoning in your first post was solid, so keep with it. By you rolling over and giving in now, you just make yourself too easily available to her. Like you said, don't be a doormat, and don't be put on the back burner. In my opinion, the "friends" concept is BS. Most will tell you to cut all ties and move on. No contact is likely the only thing that will force her to evaluate things effectively. At the same time, don't sit and wait around, hoping she's missing you and going to come back.
Kilty Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Hmm - dont want to be critical - but you were a bit contradictory by still offering her the olive branch at the end of the conversation by telling her that she has your number - after telling her you do not want to be friends. However her latest reply gives you some hope if you want it. She seems a little unsure of what she wants - and if she is young thats understandable. You also went too far in your talk about mentioning the future and implying spending the rest of your lives together. If there is one thing thats sure to make an unsure girl turn tail then thats it ! However as i said there is still hope judging by her response. If there is another guy on the scene then keep your dignity and have no further contact. Its in her shoes to come to you and then YOU can decide if you want her back or not after she has done that. If you dont want to take things easy and see where things go hanging out (provided there is not another guy) then thats your choice i guess. Things may get back the way they were quickly and if not then you walk away. Before all that happens though id suggest a good month of NC to see what develops and let her be the one to make the advances if she does.
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 She called me this morning multiple times and I finally decided to answer. She said she stayed up all night and couldn't sleep because she couldn't believe I blocked her. She told me the only way to see if there is anything still there is to be friends and see how things play out in the summer? Thoughts? She's baiting you! She wants to force you in the friend zone! She wants her cake and eat it too. She get's her intimate moments with this Mike guy and your friendship on the side while showing your mutual friends that you guys are cool with the arrangement. Ummm...no. She would know if there's anything there, not "be my friend first and THEN we'll see." In the meantime, she gets to go on dates and have fun with her new boytoy and having you wait on the sidelines while you still have hope that you MIGHT get back together at the end of summer! Does that seem fair to you? Good for you on blocking her! Time to go NC and start to heal. Now is the time to ignore all calls, texts and e-mails. The first few days and weeks of NC are brutal, but then one day, you'll wake up and not think about her. That's when you start to heal. Post here everytime you want to contact her. Post here if she contacts you and you feel tempted to respond. People are here to help you through this!
Author Dillon Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 To clarify things up this Guy she was talking to lives 4 hours away. And now she lives 30 seconds away from me. Thank you for the help guys.
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 So what? I've traveled a couple of hours to meet up with a girl before. And there have been time where I met her halfway. Point is, she seems more interested in the doucherocket than she is with you.
flitzanu Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 sorry, i only read like teh first 3 lines you posted, and it should have ended there. soon as she said "...i don't want to try again...i want to move on and so should you..." and "i want us to be friends" after that, you've got your answer on whether she wants to be with you, and based on that, you're better off walking away. if you don't, you're in for some huge rollercoaster rides and emotional torture.
Pens55 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Im a bad source of advice on this:rolleyes: but, I think your convo panned out pretty well. You had the stones to take a stand for your dignity - very good start. But like others have said - stick to your guns. It'll suck for a while, but in the end, you'll have the peace of mind knowing you made YOUR OWN decision to walk away, rather than continue to be manipulated. If you get back together, great. But proceed as if she doesnt exist for now.
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