my kids are finding it hard to cope at the moment

[kimberlin]

I have been separated from my husband of 7yrs for 3yrs now and divorced just over six months...We have 2 children together and 1 each from previous relationships....When we first split our daughter was 2 and has no real memory of us together..Our son was 6 so he has some...Our son has cerebral palsy and lives with his dad and we have always been able to be have some kind of civil conversation about the kids even if at times its been strained...I left him and my ex has pretty much had a girlfriend from the time we split...I've had no real relationship and that has been ok....I'd been in relationship after relationship since i was 17 and just needed to be on my own cause i haven't known who i am if i'm not a mother or a wife or part of someone else...I'm very happy with where i am but at the moment lately our children are very miserable about things...neither of them wants to go back to their respective houses cause they miss the other parent so much.....they play us off against one another...generally we have a united front in the when they with me its my rules and when they with dad its his rules.....i'm just at a place where i just feel alone....not lonely but alone...like no-one i know has any idea what i'm going through....they really try and understand and give me advice but they all say that we really can't know cause we haven't gone through what your going through......i'm not sure if the kids think that us getting back together solves the feelings that they have but in my opinion it wouldn't and i have no interest in going back...my ex is not in the slightest way attractive to me in a way that i would be happy enough to even try. We split because he is an alcoholic and he hasn't even tried to change that about himself and really that was the only thing and the reason i left him...it was more important to him to go and find drinking buddies and have a great party time then help me raise our children and help me with our son with cerebral palsy......i just don't know how to help our children deal with things and make them fully understand that mum and dad getting back together is not an option.....Our daughter is 5 and started school this year and our son is almost 9 and in yr4 at school.