ECuellar Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Ok so me and my ex/girlfriend? Have been dating for almost a year and a half. Ok so like 2 weeks ago I found out that she had cheated on me with one of her ex's that has tried before in the past to get with her. Ok so here's the story. It was saturday I told her that night hey go with your friend you know have some fun without me and i'll go with my friends and she said ok you know out of confidence and trust I let her go to a club with her cousin and her friends and I went out with her brother and a couple of my friends to a party. That night we didn't call or txt each other till the next day. The next day I asked her if she wanted me to come over because ever since we started going out I have gone to her house everyday so pretty much we haven't spent a day without each other. It seemed odd to me that she said no its ok be at your house. I said ok you know. Then through out the day she didn't txt me or call or anything so I just showed up at her house she didn't even pay attention to me the whole time I was there so I left her house. Then came monday. I asked her again if she wanted me to go over she said no its ok like last time. Now it felt strange like something was up. I showed up she didn't even say anything so I left. I went out to eat by myself trying to figure out what was wrong. Her brother and his gf show up. They sat by me we started talking and they ended up telling me that on saturday when she was at the club she saw her ex and they ended up kissing and making out. That he left her 3 hickies on her chest. I got up and rushed to her house to confront her. She said yea that she was going to tell me that the reason she did it was because she wanted to know if she really loved me and that if she really wanted me. To me thats bs. I have done everything for this girl and i mean everything gave her anything her heart desires did what she wanted to do I have never felt like this about any girl before. I felt heartbroken, cheated, dumbfounded, and taken advantage of. A couple of days passed by with little contact. She said she felt bad that she never ment to hurt me that she regrets its. That it didn't mean anything. That she doesn't want to loose me and she will change. I told her how I felt. Well now she is kinda showing like it was no big deal yea every once in a while she tells me she loves me and she doesn't want to loose me. But I don't feel like she is doing all she can to make it up to me. BTW I cant go to her house because her parents put a restraining order on me for messing her room up after i found out she cheated. And till now a image of her with another guy keeps popping up in my head its not like I want it to show up it just happen's. I dont know what to do. To forgive her or to just let her go. I really love her and I want to be with her but its hard...
seibert253 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 It seems you've already made up your mind to remain in this relationship, so I'll only give you one bit of advice. If there are no consequences for her actions, it WILL happen again.
PegNosePete Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 She is a cheat and a liar. Ditch her and move on. How would she react if the situation were reversed? If you did all this with an ex, and told her it meant nothing and that she should just forget about it? You would be out of the door quicker than a greased cat.
P&R Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I agree with what another poster said there needs to be consequences. Don't be a door mat, don't come running back to her like a love sick puppy. Your relationship will never be the same ever again.
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 She hooked up with this guy to see if she really loves you? Do you realize how stupid that sounds? If the roles were reversed, do you think she would be so understanding? I think not! She took your trust and took advanage of it. She said it didn't mean anything. Well, I think it meant a lot to you and is very telling. That she stomped on your love and trust over something that didn't mean anything to her. That she threw away your relationship over something that meant nothing to her. It sounds like you are very young. I would chalk this up as a life lesson and move on. Time to go full NC. I mean hell, you already got a restraining order out on you, stick to that and stay away.
Bryanp Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you think she would put up with such crap from you? She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever and sees you as a doormat. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
mark982 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 you have just seen her true colors... she's just sorry she got caught. now multiply this hurt, on how it's going to feel when she does it again (which she will) when you have acouple kids, house etc. and she's blaming everything on you!!! you're being a doormat. run away as fast as you can.
Author ECuellar Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your replies. After it happened she said she planned on telling me about it and that she said she was sorry. That she will never do it again and all that. I told her idk that i will need time but since then we would txt each other she would tell me she loves me and that she hasn't talked to him since. Also i brought up if i would do that to her what would she do would she forgive me or move on. According to her that she would forgive me but i know the kind of person she and i think she just saying that cuz i forgave her. And yes i know that there should be consequences. But its the first time it ever happened to me so idk what those consequences should be. Not talk to her? Break up with her? I was txting her and this is what she said Me: im telling u to say this cuz (her kids name) is the only thing u wouldnt hurt and if i ask u to put it on him and u atually do i know ur telling the truth Her: I put it on everything i have. Even (kids name) that me and him dint go any further than kissing Me: put it on (kids name) that u will never do anything like this again to me Her: I'm not i promise i swear Edited May 9, 2011 by ECuellar
Chi townD Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Well, we can't tell you what to do. We're here to give advice and support. What you do is entirely up to you. There has been a level of betrayal on her part, and I think your trust in her is gone. If you want to work it out with her. If you were thinking about taking this relationship to the next level, I would put that on hold. And couples counseling is DEFINATELY needed.
Author ECuellar Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Thank you for your help. I have taken into consideration the advice all of you gave me and will make a decision on what I should do. Thanks
Memphis Raines Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 In my mind only two ways to deal with a cheater: 1. don't forgive them and move on to a better life or 2. forgive them, but still move on to a better life. cuz if you stay with them, you'll have a life less lived.
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