i f@#ked up...

[stm]

i have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and are very much in love with her, and still am , we have been together since high school but on the weekend i messed it all up cos i didnt say no.

 

i had a good mates 21st bday party on the w/e, which my gf did not attend, so as u can imagine with all the free alcohol and music it was a party with every1 having a good time, the party was fine but we decided to kick on and go out to the clubs which i wasnt going to do but stupidly agreed to until my ride had arrived later on.

 

A few to many drinks later i was wasted and didnt know what i was doing, my friends and i ended up dancing and some randoms which were around us and which i ended up dancing with one, after 30seconds she turned around and grabbed me and started kissing me which i stupidly let her do and not push away and say no. Then i relised what i was doing, pushed her away and left the club and waited for my lift.

 

While i was waiting i contacted my gf to tell her we needed to talk and told her what happened, as u can imagine she was wild about it. we talked about it a lil but she says she cant trust me, or even look at me the same and that i have broken her heart, all of which i accept and am willing to work hard for us to continue as i love her and there has been nothing wrong with this relationship untill i was to imature to say no.

 

its all happened so fast, i cant even remeber what that girl looked like or even how we led to kissing, it was random and not planned out with no real feelings and i dnt even know why i let her kiss me.

 

please give me some advice as i dnt want to lose my gf and i know its gonna be a long hard road but i am gonna make this work. what do i need to do and what should i expect to happen???

 

thank you for ur time.

[RRM]

There are no problems in your relationship at all?

 

I just find it hard to believe that things are perfect.

 

You may be different, but when I'm drunk, I am a lot more inclined to do things that I wouldn't have done sober, but may have wanted to do on some level.

 

I'm not sure if there's anything you can do to improve the situation except to be totally open with communication and give her some space.

 

I'm sorry that this happened and I hope you can get back in her good graces again.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[stm]

i never ment that there are no problems just that there was nutting wrong in the relationship, we have fights like all couples do but it was in a good place untill now.

 

yeah i agree when i drink a excessive amount of alcohol i become silly but it leds to me having to have self control and say no which im working on.

 

thanks for the feedback, its gonna be tough but as they say i made my bed so i gotta lay in it. thanks again

[RRM]

i never ment that there are no problems just that there was nutting wrong in the relationship, we have fights like all couples do but it was in a good place untill now.

 

yeah i agree when i drink a excessive amount of alcohol i become silly but it leds to me having to have self control and say no which im working on.

 

thanks for the feedback, its gonna be tough but as they say i made my bed so i gotta lay in it. thanks again

 

You're welcome.

 

I would look into the drinking if I were you. Maybe it's time to cut back? Trust me, I understand how difficult that can be, but it's a good piece of advice.

[stm]

yeah i have already adressed that with myself and my gf has too...

its more to the point of knowing when enough is enough, i tend to go too hard when i do get a chance to drink, it was an influence on the w/e but im not holding it 100% responsible for what i did.

 

and again thank you

[RRM]

You're welcome again.

 

You are aware of when things can go too far and I think now you'll probably exercise better judgment when it comes to drinking.

 

I know how hard that can be, especially if you haven't been drinking for a while.

[stm]

yes ive deffiently learned my lesson but am extremly dissapointed that it had to come to somethng like this for me to realise...

 

alcohol is something you should not take lightly, its still as bad as anything out there, in my view.

[Eddie Edirol]

Picture what she might be thinking.

 

Are you not satisfied enough with her - that when youre drunk you want to kiss other women?

 

Are you not invested enough in this relationship to not be able to have sexual urges for anyone other than her?

 

Remember is she is fully invested in you, she probably would be repulsed by most any man who comes on to her, because she is only thinking of you. So for you to not be able to say no, means youre not really all in. Actions mean all, words only mean half.

 

Not only that, but your gf probably knows other women who cheated on their bf's, and didnt admit everything. So your gf might think that you said you kissed that girl and you dont remember, but in reality you actually enjoyed it, went after that girl, and probably did everything except sex.

 

There might be any way for you to prove with actions that you are still in love with her emotionally, so be prepared for her to walk away.

 

Also since you cant handle your drinking, next time you cheat on a gf, keep it to yourself.

[stm]

i have imagined it and what ur saying is true she most likely is thinking that, but over the 5 years we have been together i have never done anything like that b4 drunk or sober and have always shown her that im 'all in' as her and myself have invested alot into this relationship.

it was my fault for losing grasp of the situation i was in, not saying no when i had the chances and leaving it to late to do so.

 

im not trying to justify myself by saying all we did was kiss (which is true, maybe not in her mind as u said) because cheating is still cheating, im addressing the drinking and self control part because i wont to become a better person for her, and get this relationship back on track like it was b4 the w/e, i know it will be long i dnt care about that as im not willing to let her have any other reason to walk away.

 

but thank u for the insight its appreciated =)

[RRM]

stm, be prepared that she may want to end things.

 

Hopefully for your sake she gives you a second chance because you sound like a nice guy who just made a mistake.

[stm]

yeah im getting the feeling she is willing to give me a second chance at this stage...

you learn from your mistakes and just gotta cop everything on the chin from here on in.

 

thanks for the support

[Garrgoil]

stm:

 

Your gf is pissed at you because she knows what she did when she cheated on you (but never told you). So that's why she doesn't believe you.

[Memphis Raines]

please give me some advice as i dnt want to lose my gf and i know its gonna be a long hard road but i am gonna make this work. what do i need to do and what should i expect to happen???

 

thank you for ur time.

 

this is why partying, and clubbing are a bad idea when in a committed relationship. Because the main purpose of such is to mingle with the opposite sex. if not, then would you have fun drinking and dancing if just all guys were around? don't think so.

 

so what do you do? show her you don't care about partying and going clubbing. show her you don't need to be in social settings where the main reason to be there is to mingle with the opposite sex.

 

if you can't do that, then just do her a favor and break up.

[Baroness67]

If you have sincerely apologized and promise not to let it happen again, let her go off and give her space. Either she is truly, deeply offended and doesn't want to be with you, or she is just using the offense to punish you. If it's honestly such an unusual event, either she gets past it or she doesn't.

 

Then, if you get past it this time and you do something similar again, she either knows what she's in for in a committed relationship with you, or you get a deeper understanding of your relationship with alcohol and realize there's a road you might not want to go down if your girlfriend is going to possibly turn into a wife and/or mother of your kids.

[Eddie Edirol]

i have imagined it and what ur saying is true she most likely is thinking that, but over the 5 years we have been together i have never done anything like that b4 drunk or sober and have always shown her that im 'all in' as her and myself have invested alot into this relationship.

 

Once youve done something bad, everything good that youve done before that goes out the window, (especially if she doesnt want to work on the relationship) because for all she knows, it was a 5 year long ruse.

[VicJay79]

You displayed great integrity by telling your significant other. Things will take a while to work itself out, but if your relationship was strong for 5 years you guys will find a way out of this. I would strongly recommend you not drink as much, because if this is the other way around, you would be equally upset!

 

 

i have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and are very much in love with her, and still am , we have been together since high school but on the weekend i messed it all up cos i didnt say no.

 

i had a good mates 21st bday party on the w/e, which my gf did not attend, so as u can imagine with all the free alcohol and music it was a party with every1 having a good time, the party was fine but we decided to kick on and go out to the clubs which i wasnt going to do but stupidly agreed to until my ride had arrived later on.

 

A few to many drinks later i was wasted and didnt know what i was doing, my friends and i ended up dancing and some randoms which were around us and which i ended up dancing with one, after 30seconds she turned around and grabbed me and started kissing me which i stupidly let her do and not push away and say no. Then i relised what i was doing, pushed her away and left the club and waited for my lift.

 

While i was waiting i contacted my gf to tell her we needed to talk and told her what happened, as u can imagine she was wild about it. we talked about it a lil but she says she cant trust me, or even look at me the same and that i have broken her heart, all of which i accept and am willing to work hard for us to continue as i love her and there has been nothing wrong with this relationship untill i was to imature to say no.

 

its all happened so fast, i cant even remeber what that girl looked like or even how we led to kissing, it was random and not planned out with no real feelings and i dnt even know why i let her kiss me.

 

please give me some advice as i dnt want to lose my gf and i know its gonna be a long hard road but i am gonna make this work. what do i need to do and what should i expect to happen???

 

thank you for ur time.

[stm]

Thanks for all your feedback... I am working on getting everything back, I stayed over last night but she didn't really wanna say much to me, I think I have said all I can for the moment it's just not sitting well with her and she hasn't accepted it yet so maybe I should ill just be patient and give her more time to take the whole thing in...

Thanks again everyone it's been good to get a few outside thoughts and vent a little.

[Eddie Edirol]

Thanks for all your feedback... I am working on getting everything back, I stayed over last night but she didn't really wanna say much to me, I think I have said all I can for the moment it's just not sitting well with her and she hasn't accepted it yet so maybe I should ill just be patient and give her more time to take the whole thing in...

Thanks again everyone it's been good to get a few outside thoughts and vent a little.

 

just be there for her, dont push the issue, give her room. She already knows you want to make things better, now let her come look for you, just hang back.

[carrie999]

stm:

 

Your gf is pissed at you because she knows what she did when she cheated on you (but never told you). So that's why she doesn't believe you.

 

Unless this is someone who knows stm personally and is giving him information in some convoluted manner, why would you say this?

 

stm, you screwed up and the trust is broken. You have no idea how she might handle this. If your relationship is strong and you are "all in" and have shown that up to this point, it may be something she can move past, since you owned up to it immediately and honestly. Then again, if she truly trusted you completely, this one act might shatter the trust you had, and her image of who you are. Only time will tell.

 

If she does choose to forgive you and move on, expect that she may be paranoid and suspicious for a while. She may not believe she got the whole story. You definitely can't go out drinking without her until she believes it won't happen again. Even if she takes you back, the lack of trust may cause enough tension to break you up, if you're not completely patient with her questioning and doubting you. Your point of view might be that you screwed up once and were honest about it, and you've paid your dues/proven you're worthy of being trusted, and hers might be that she's not sure she ever really knew what you did.

 

See why a simple kiss in a momentary lapse of judgment can snowball into something big enough to challenge ANY relationship? Learn from this. You're young, and you made a mistake. Whether or not you ultimately break up, carry this lesson with you. Best of luck to you.

[Memphis Raines]

stm:

 

Your gf is pissed at you because she knows what she did when she cheated on you (but never told you). So that's why she doesn't believe you.

 

was this in another thread or something? Because I didn't see anything where he said she cheated.

 

if she did though, then it is pretty hypocritical of her if "she says she cant trust [stm], or even look at [stm the same"

 

stm, if she did in fact cheat and said these things to you, then tell her that you can't trust her either or look at her the same then. its like she is forgivable and deserves to be trusted and looked at the same, but you can't.

[cgannon]

stm:

 

Your gf is pissed at you because she knows what she did when she cheated on you (but never told you). So that's why she doesn't believe you.

 

Not sure where that came from, but that may be a possibility, however slim.

 

STM: I know you feel like she is everything right now, but you said yourself that you've been with her since high school. Could it be that you are young and afraid of being in such a relationship so soon? You wouldn't be the first guy to feel that way. Personally I think you should explore that side of you and maybe take a step back from the relationship until such time that you know yourself better. As it stands, you are a short marriage with a horrible divorce waiting to happen because you will eventually regret all the experiences you never got to have because you had tied yourself down early. I may be wrong, but the fact that I feel like I was you some years ago tells me I'm not far off the mark, if at all. Good luck on this.

[stm]

thanks everyone for the support =)

and for the record she hasnt cheated that i know of and i dnt suspect she ever would have...

things are starting to get a little better, ive been staying over and spending time with her but its clear there is still tension there, we can be realy good for a few hours just like we normaly would and then she obviuosly starts thinking about it agian and the tension is back.

its not a surprise to me as its still freash and hasnt settled, im perparing for this to happen for a long time but i still have hope i can do everything to get us back to normal eventually.

 

thaks again people... ill keep you updated