redsignx Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Well first & foremost.. I've been seeing this guy for a few months now. Me & him have been mostly texting we see each other now and then, we speak through text a bit more than i see him. The big problem in my opinion is that i dated his best friend. had sex with him and was with him for a couple months. We basically ended because, i was too cold and he couldn't trust me & I would go out too much with my friends according to him. In my defense i think it was a case of misunderstandings because i thought the whole time he didn't like me and thats why id go out & stuff. Turns out he really liked me at the beginning. Ever since day one i always saw something like an instant attraction in his best friend. All of a sudden i don't know how it happened but me and his best friend started texting back and forth. On the other hand my ex now is in a serious relationship, i don't care about him and I'm sure he doesn't care about me. Me and his friend started hanging out together & with friends we would kiss but left it there. We kept on texting, always. But i never really knew what he wanted from me but we did have this instant attraction that was undeniable but i always felt like he would hold back his feelings. After a couple months we had sex & he got weird all of a sudden and he didn't text me for a week. Then, that week i saw him at a friends party and he was like pushing me away the whole time and being very distant and cold. Maybe it was bc his best friend and his ex were there, I don't know but that truly hurt me, & the next day he sent me a text but i told him he was messing w. my head like he did some time before & he completely denied it, so i stopped answering him for maybe 2 weeks & he would basically text me and try to get my attention on social net working sites. But i would treat him normal and not write back to his texts and he would call me while he was drunk & no response. Meanwhile i met this other guy and i started catching feelings for him, i think he noticed so he left me alone for a few weeks. Until one day that he got extremely drunk & called me at 3am and i picked up by mistake. Well turns out we stayed talking till like 5am he kept insisting on coming to visit me but i refused & he asked me why i don't answer to him and told me he wasnt a puppet for me to do this to him. I'm not too good at expressing my emotions so i stayed quiet about this. Then he texted me the next morning we talked for a little and he stopped writing back to me. (He got weird again) I never text him or call him or approach him first. I have too much pride to ever do that, so if we ever talk is because he has came to me first. Couple days pass and no sign of him. I gave up and gave my self completely to the other guy i had been seeing. & me and this other guy actually got a little more serious and i think he noticed as well because we were going out a lot and he was seeing photos & such. The other day he texted me at night time. We talked for a while but it was a friday night and he knew id be going out so i stopped writing back to him. I went to the club that night got a little too drunk and ended up texting him paragraphs i don't know much of what i wrote, because i deleted it after. I was way too ashamed i had done that, but it went something like this "You're the best i ever had and i promise that, but you're so weird and i cant take it, please don't write back to me because i know i'm gonna regret this tomorrow" He wrote to me the next morning saying " drunkie" we small talked and i stopped writing back to him. Later on that night, He texted me again and begged me to hang out. At first i was refusing because i didn't want to get out of bed but i gave in and told him to come over for a bit because i wasn't gonna go out. He came over but turns out he was supper drunk. He tried having sex with me kissing me but i didn't want to. So he said "You don't even wanna give me a kiss, I'm gonna go then i need to work early" but i think he said that just so id kiss him but i told him " ok then leave, bye!" and he gathered his stuff (very slowly, even asked to use the bathroom) I think he was kinda hoping id tell him to stay but i didn't so he left. Once he left he called me but i didn't answer. Instead, i sent him a text saying "You're such a douche, i hate you" & he said the next morning "I was tired and i needed to sleep" and i told him "You're lying you disrespected me last night by getting to my house drunk and leaving because i didn't want to have sex" he said "I didnt mean to disrespect you" & refused thats why he left, and tried to change the subject but i didnt give in. last thing he said "sweety" which made it sound like he was mad so i said ok and he didn't write back. This was today. I need advice, help! What do you guys think because i feel like I'm in an emotional roller coaster with him & i cant deal. He's a virgo & I'm a Gem if that helps. PLEASE keep your mean comments to yourselves.
Bettylou Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 All I can answer you is, you already had a guy. Obviously you were not really into your boyfriend otherwise you would have been strong enough to say no when it came to hooking up with the other guy. Look the best thing is to break up with your current guy, don't contact the other guy and look out for yourself.
guy777 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 To answer your question, I think it's more complicated than he just wants you for sex. He probably likes you for more than sex, but the bestfriend thing definitely complicates things. I don't think he wants to burn bridges with his friend. Even the fact his friend is dating someone else now doesn't mean you are available to him. If you really want a exclusive relationship with this guy, you are going to have to wait until he is willing to be cool with you in front of those friends. You can probably booty call him infrequently, every couple months, in the mean time if you want to string it along to see if it works out. Just tell him that if he shows up definitely isn't getting any. And if he shows up sober, he has a chance. I do want to mention that after reading your story, you might be lying to yourself if you think you want a exclusive relationship right now. Not that you won't change in the future. It doesn't seem like you are attracted to the type guys who only want one woman at a time. So even if you want a exclusive relationship, it likely won't be on their end. There are plenty of guys out there who don't want to mess around on the side (like me for example), but you'll just have to change what you are interested in to find them. And seems like you also like to have at least a couple guys going at a time right now. There is no problem with that. You just have to be honest with yourself and the guys you are dating. The guys you are dating will likely still want to hang if you say you are seeing other people. Just don't let them think the relationship is exclusive when it isn't because it will hurt the guy who thinks it is. And unless you are a sociopath, you will feel guilty and dragged down about lying and potentially hurting the guy.
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