TheForgotten Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Okay here is the story, my ex gf and I kicked it off last year. I was great, we were truly happy, she was my first love, first kiss, she even took my virginity, and I was 13 back then she was 14. ( Yeah I know you don't need to tell me. ) Anyways, she ended up breaking it off bcuz she was in a freshman in highschool and I was an 8th grader, we barely saw each other and she wasn't happy ect,ect,ect. Well I acted how my instincts told me too, I broke down crying telling I would change, all that stuff a desperate man would do. ( It was my first love give me some slack ) I knew those were a big no no. I even texted her 24/7 and called her 24/7 which pushed her back even further, THEN I realized she was "in love" with this dude, that lives across the country from us, and she has never met yet. ( Yeah I know, don't even tell me ) This pissed me off into extremes! But I caught myself, I was like **** that, she is not worth it. I kept telling myself that over and over. I tried learning new things, I improved my grades, and found a new interest in writing. I picked up an instrument ( Ukulele ) In other words, this break up was hard on me, but it did some good to me. It showed me a new meaning in life, and opened many doors to me. I was not happy though, I was still very lonely and missed her alot. I love/hate her. Anyways when I was doing fine, ( well not fine I was still lonely and missed her very much ) But I was ignoring the pain, I hoped it would gradually go down, But one day she hit me up saying how she wants to be friends, and then I fell for the trap of love. I was happy, I mean i missed her very much and here she is texting me saying how she misses me and everything. Well she told me she loved me as a friend, and I foolishly said it back. ( I was into deep now. ) We start hanging out, just brief meetings, like a 30 min coffee date, you know. And she noticed alot I have changed. ( which I did) I took the time for myself to completely change my closet, haircut, I exercised now since when we were dating I was really lazy and I put on some weight, I even got really good at the ukulele. Anyways when things were fine she asked me, how come you look so much better now then before? What happened, she even saw a hickey on my neck, and she said she was "lowkey" jealous. I didn't blame her, I would too if she did the same. You see she was not very thin or pretty, but that did not matter to me she was beautiful in my eyes, and she was very lovely, I could of had other gfs but I knew non of them would last as long as my first, or even had good times. Thats why I picked her, bcuz I could see in her eyes she was a good partner. Well even all those efforts of improvement I was still 100% lonely, it felt like I was a drug addict, and she was the drug, but I knew it was not good for me. so I had to stop. Anyways bored as my mind, she texts me to come over. I jumped to the idea, ( yes foolish I know ) When we were on her bed, I put my hand on her thigh, she didn't push away, to my surprise, so I was curious if she would go further, and she did, all the way. And after that I just felt confused. Happy ( in some degree ) but more confused and anger. I was angry bcuz I knew it would not lead up to anything, ( I love her and would love to try a relationship with her. ) But her and I are just way to different now. My heart is telling me to pursue her, but my brain is telling me no. And Im sticking with the brain, since it has logical points. 1. She is different, we have nothing anymore. we are two diff rent people, with only memories of the past. 2. She hurt me, I still can't forgive her for that. 3.She hurt me for a guy that she never met! 4. She told me she smokes now. ( we tried it before, and we hated it. ) and now she loves it? Disgusting. and 5. which is the most important for me. I want to try new things, meet other people yet she can't be erased! Why!? Is it bcuz she is my first love? And it was an actual good relationship. The Question Really Is. Since I want to try new people, should I really still have her in my life? I mean we both do love each other, as friends. We care about each other alot, ( and then some, well for me anyways. ) and thats the problem I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER. No matter how much **** she put me thru I still have feelings for her, And IDK if she does for me. ALSO. How do I get her out of my ******* head. I hate thinking of her, the past, the happy times. PLZ. This is driving me crazy how tough love is. -Thanks.TF.
kandice Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Okay, first thing's first--Don't kill yourself! I won't go too much in depth about that (yet) because I don't want to sound cliche, and I don't know how serious you were about that. But, if you are, you can talk to me because I've been through it. Anyway, to address the question at hand: I don't think you should jump right in to see other people, yet. You need to get over her first, but don't get back with her. Learn to enjoy being yourself, by yourself. You need to learn independence before you can really get over her and into a health relationship. Rebounds are almost never healthy.
kandice Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Oh, and stop having sex with her. It's unhealthy for the both of you. She probably has some issues to get over, and it's not fair if you take advantage of her like that.
Author TheForgotten Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I really did not mean that, sorry for the confusion.
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